He begins his new life, resting in a hot bath. All his wounds are patched up and thoughts nearly clear. It is all to painful for him though, the last time he laid in a tub was at Billingsgate Party and the night of his Marie and Stevie's death.
The party on Billingsgate wasn't exactly a real party, it was the Council's way in telling everyone the first ship of immigrants were coming to Connecticut. That they would be the first to be accepted. It was an exciting time for everyone, at least to the ones that showed up to the party to support them.
1901 was a year repeatedly used and unforgettable. He remembered it so clearly because it happened a few days ago.
The day began surprisingly warm; in Connecticut that rarely happened. Marie and Stevie lounged downstairs in Wyatt and Louise's home, while Louise scurried into her evening gown. Marie loved sitting in Wyatt's favorite chair, the golden one with a heart centering it and gray cushions. It was another thing they had in common besides being conceited.
Stevie didn't look bad himself, thick brown locks over lapping his earlobes, small forehead and wondering eyes. His eyes were big and bold, almost like two perfectly round chestnuts in summer. Broad shoulders, compared to Wyatt, he looked like a scrawny white boy beside him. He wore a black vest over his white blouse and black silky pants. His arms covered in hair and a couple strands of hair from his chest stuck out through his blouse.
Louise's arm hung tightly around Wyatt's elbow as they rushed down the steps. He didn't realize till now of how beautiful she looked that night. Her red bouncy curls rested on her back. Glowing pearls stuck out along with her white dress and and red fox tail over her pale shoulders. Marie on the other hand had a dashing body, barely cloth covering her. She wore a dress that matched her skin tone with red dots swirling around her body. A beaded necklace with a dirty white tooth nestled in between her breast.
Her hair was up, a few strands out of place but Wyatt liked it that way, it made her look different. Wyatt motioned everyone towards the door and they all hurdled out with only soles of shoes clicking while they leave in silence. Wyatt releases Louise's grip and turns back around to click off the lights and lock the door behind him.
He remembers little of their conversations though, but he thinks hard. His eyes scrunch up and he concentrates.
They stepped into a carriage that waited outside, Louise and Wyatt on one side of the carriage and Stevie and Marie on the other side. Glancing about to each other, they're exchanged looks motioned towards Louise.
“You remember the plan?” Marie spoke, she always had a bitter voice. It was so rough and serious, that it stung people's hearts.
“Go over it one more time,” Louise exhales and inhales. They could see she was having second thoughts about this including Wyatt. When people repeat a plan over and over, there can be the slightest change. But for them they've gotten no where near success and Stevie was getting agitated by it. Stevie's head fell into his hands and a loud gruff comes from him.
“What, care to share?” Marie glanced over to Stevie and folded her arms.
“Yeah, I'm-” Wyatt buds in and hushed Stevie. They're relationship was quite complicated. Like Wyatt, Stevie was never obsessed with Marie. Stevie bites his lip and forks over to the window and kept his eyes focused on the moving building's.
“Uh-okay,” Marie shrugged. “The plan is, you occupy everyone. We want you to pretend like you're drunk. Cause some type of crazy distraction while we take Billings upstairs. When we get back, you can quit the act and leave.” The plan sounded stupid, but they couldn't come up with anything anymore. They've ran out of ideas, talking to Billings could stop the ship.
They couldn't see the plan through, but in a week the ship would be sent over seas and it would explode. Wyatt never bothered asking Marie again what was on that boat or who. It crossed his mind so many times, he final went crazy trying to find the answer. It had to be a man though, the man from the future who came back to Connecticut said it was man on the boat who she wanted the hero to be not Wyatt.
It struck his heart, as if needles plunged into his chest.
“Will it actually work?” Louise questioned.
“It has to!” Marie said, her fingers wined together and she fell back into her seat. Wyatt was ready to watch Marie shriek and cry again and again for their failed attempts then listen to her blame them afterward for slacking off.
“Stevie probably thinks that I was an idiot,” Wyatt pulls away from his thoughts and sighs. His damp hands wets his face and he just holds them there, pouting to himself. His thoughts scatter back to a painful memory where he's watching Stevie through a cracked door as he mumbled to himself in a room alone.
Wyatt had pushed himself through the door and watched Stevie pace back and forth through the room. He was angry at Wyatt, he could see it on his face. Blaming Wyatt for the mess they had got themselves into. His eyes gazed over Wyatt 's head and passed the open door, watching numeral people walk pass them. Wyatt closed the door behind him and watched Stevie growl between his closed lips.
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137,625 Literary Works • 672,053 Reviews
Writer here again!
I know, I'm going backwards, which is awfully weird XD
Okay, so I'll go through nitpicks again, plot, and characters, etc.
Nitpicks!
I would put an are after "wounds," because you are missing a verb here.
This sentence read kind of awkward. First off, I would change the comma to a semicolon and maybe take out "and his escape for his life"? Or you can reword that to: "the last time he laid in a tub was at Biilinsgate Party... and the escape for his life." Or something like that, I dunno
Again, a little bit of a run-on. I would look at this and make sure it's clear and concise. I would change the comma to a semicolon too. If you are connecting to ideas that have a clear subject and predicate, always use a semicolon
Tense change! You were using present before and now you use past here. Be careful and make sure it's all consistent
Why was that rare? (I know, why) but look, pretend your readers know absolutely nothing. If you use this approach, your descriptions and explanations will be very good to the story and will create more imagery. Be more specific and descriptive here
I see some redundancy here. All you have to do is change the second "chair" to "one" and you won't have that redundancy anymore
I would put a semicolon or even just a colon after "himself" rather than a comma
This needs some punctuation after "bold" (semicolon)
Should be "until"
Be careful here with these transitions back and forth when it comes to tenses. Why not make the flashback all in italics? That way, sentences like this one won't be as confusing.
This sentence should be reworded. It was so rough and serious that it stung people's hearts.
We know it's Louise having second thoughts because you already mention her inhaling and exhaling. Therefore, you should change the second Louise to "she".
I won't go through every nitpick, but I advise you to go back and work on grammatical errors.
Anyway, good plot! I like this whole idea of describing the early 1900s. Work on describing things more and using that approach I talked about.
Overall, great job!!
I wish I could point out my own grammatical errors, it sounds like I got a million of them lol
Thanks for the help
Hi Tia!
Happy Review Day.
Manisha from Team Rocket here to review your chapter. I haven't read the previous chapters hence my review will be based on this chapter alone. The name of the novel really called to me
I'll review as I read.
it was the Councils way in telling everyone the first ship of immigrants were coming to Connecticut
Councils is Council's
Try - It was an exciting time for everyone, well atleast to the ones that showed up to the party to support them.
The day began surprisingly warm, in Connecticut that rarely happened.
replace comma with semi-colon.
You could combine the two sentences so that it flows.
Stevie didn't look bad himself, thick brown locks over lapping his earlobes, small forehead and wondering eyes.
His eyes were big and bold almost like two perfectly round chestnuts in
thesummer.Unless you are talking about a particular summer it should be "in summer"
His arms wascovered in hair and a couple strands of hair from his chest stuck out through his blouse.
I've added a word.
Louise's arm hung tightly to Wyatt's elbow as they rushed down the steps.
This is hard to picture. Hung tightly around, perhaps?
Her red bouncing curls rested on her back
replace bouncing curls with bouncy curls. Because you later on say "rested"
this is confusing. Please clear it up.
His drizzling hands wets his face and he just holds them there, pouting to himself.
Drizzling? When I think about drizzling I see light rain or sprinkle. I'm sure many see the word the same way. I suggest you substitute it with damp or wet
...as he mumbled to himself in a room alone.
Overall,
Apart from the few nitpicks I pointed out and few wrong sentence structure you have a very strong plot going here. I haven't read the previous chapters but I already am intrigued about what is going to happen or what is happening. Your characters are consistent and the flow of the chapter is great. I would give this chapter a 8/10. You have great description too!
Keep writing!