Final Destination: Chapter 1

by Tiaradyson

Published May 4, 2014

12+

In Final Destinations

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He licks the last bit of remains of liquor off his bottom lip. He blinks hysterically at his wet shaggy Goldilocks soaking through the shoulder blade of his dress shirt. The wet fabric sticks to his flesh, and he begins to shiver behind the shower curtain. His head leaning beneath the facet, Wyatt arches his shoulders in discomfort as he is surrounded by the cold porcelain walls. He scrunches up his toes and pulls his legs up to his chest. Muffling his chest like a blanket, just so he can feel a little comfort.

Wyatt didn't though, the thought of last night makes his heart beat hard and the sounds he remember last night makes his heart beat twice as hard. Scanning for answers around the empty tub, he is convinced he is the last to survive. The last that he remembered is Marie Laveau stumbling over the tub as she screamed, "Monsieur don't kill me." Remembering the scarred face Marie Laveau had as she was bent over the tub tugging at the collar of his dress shirt when she needed him most. Wyatt was surprised the man didn't see Wyatt's gray shirt being flung over the tub and constantly tugged on. She was pulled by her ankles, she looked like she was willing to bite her own foot off.

If she could have reached her foot in time, maybe she could have survived, but he had hauled her away. He grasped the few strands of hair in his hand and she disappeared through the dark hall. Wyatt sits up, push himself up by the walls of the tub to look over. He peaks over the walls, intimidated by the flicker of a light bulb dying out over the cracked mirror. His breathing is steady, taking in little breath, he feels light-headed. There is no smell of rotten corpses, or like a run over skunk smell anywhere near.

He flings his right foot over the tub and out the other foot, following along. Wyatt stands over the tub, shaking. Teeth chattering as he wraps his arms around his chest as if he'd lost his shirt. He was not sure if he should be moving, he thought he should stay quiet till a couple dumb-witted youngsters decide to throw a party. Maybe when another one gets sick too, they might run into the shower. Wincing with the idea, Wyatt had hoped they would find him up against the tile walls. Before he waddles back to the corner in the tub, he feels a sharp pain pressure into his side, while his chest tightens with barely oxygen to breath.

Wyatt stumbles out the door, it is not as dark as it was last night, but with the light coming in from the bathroom window. It shed some light a few inches away from where the door was at to down the hall. When he reaches the door, he inhales as much oxygen he could handle, before he begins to walk. As he is swaying his body from side to side, uncertain that he can hold his balance. Wyatt falls with a hard thump, groaning with little agony as he tries to stay silent. Holding his tongue, he grips his side and push himself back up.

He almost believe he lost his breath for a second. When Wyatt reaches the staircase, he's tempting to fall over on his back down the stairs. He could barely make it through the hallway without losing his balance, he thought he can lose his balance while going down the steps. He release the railing and lean forward as the staircase moves closer to his fall. The wooden stairs move in so close, he shuts his eyes as he stumbles down. First his back slams against the nosing as he rolls down the stairs.

Jag edges from the thread of the stairs, pressuring into the depth of his skin starts causing something similar to the feeling of splinters in his fingers. But his side is the real reason he hunches his body. Scrunching his body up like a moving caterpillar on the flooring, it feels like fifty thin knives in his side. Then running all along his arms and waist it resemble needles all around the parts the stairs gut him at. While Wyatt waddles through the dark house, almost unseen by the dark he blend in, he makes it to the door. Reaching for the knob, he almost pulls back; a low whistle with a pitch end calls and Wyatt is startled.

Comments & reviews · 6
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BellaRoma
Review
BellaRoma wrote a review Review · May 25, 2014

A good first chapter that set the scene for the story wonderfully. I haven't got to the other chapters yet but I'll be sure to. There was definitely something sinister going on which has totally drawn me in because I love a good mystery. Despite spelling errors I understood what was going on clearly enough. The build up is fantastic!
I hope you keep writing so I can see how Wyatt's tale ends. Will read more later.

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myjaspercat
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myjaspercat wrote a review Review · May 25, 2014

I really like this story, it is very interesting. Your creation of evil is amazing and drew me in right from the start. You use very descriptive and detailed words and this makes your writing pop. You do however have a few spelling errors but no worries it doesn't harm your writing that much. I think that it is a very well played out. Your plot is as well amazing. I guess that the overall it is an amazing piece of work and I cant wait to read more.

Thank you so much and good luck on your team

thank you, good luck with your writing.

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Brunnera
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Brunnera wrote a review Review · May 4, 2014

Hello! :3
Now then, I like the sinister feeling that you've created here. The words you use make your story graphic and it's simply amazing. This is a really great job and I'm very much looking forward to reading the next chapters. :)
I especially enjoyed the 4th paragraph. It was as though a monster was lurking in the shadows and that made the whole thing perfect. I also noticed this story was in present tense? When it comes to present tenses I tend to get confused.
Anyway, this was overall a really good piece.

OH I KNOW THE FEELING. present tense confuses me too, but I gotta stretch my abilities lol If I want to get better.

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Kelpies
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Kelpies wrote a review Review · May 4, 2014

WOW! I loved how you put it together, but you could work on your spelling some more. I also loved that you have a cliff-hanger, that will get people who read this chapter to read the next one. I also love a good Sci-Fi/Fantasy story! And thrillers. Your descriptions were very detailed, but not so detailed that you bored the reader. All in all, it is a pretty good way to start your book!

Thank you, you just put a smile on my face!

BrilliantMustaches wrote a review Review · May 4, 2014

Hello!

Emilykay10144 here...

I really like this story and I can't wait to read more.

I love how you keep this story in the third person. I love the suspense in it and the mystery behind it.

This may be weird, but I like how it is starting with a boy character, you don't really find that anymore... or is that just me?

Wyatt didn't though, the thought of last night makes his heart beat hard and the sounds he remember last night makes his heart beat twice as hard.


I like this line a lot, it shows how terrified Wyatt is and it makes the reader think of what really happened.

I love how during the whole story that you leave confusion of who or what the monster is. With confusion comes mystery and also thinking, and I love those kind of stories.

Seriously, you are an amazing writer and can't wait to read more!

Keep up the great work!

-Emilykay10144

You just put a smile on my face, thanks!



You can't blame the writer for what the characters say.
— Truman Capote