Over the Music

Tiger here to review per request! Comments will be in bold. Oh, and welcome back from your sabbatical!

Forever Threnody wrote:

That night thatnot really necessary the music played
I turned to you so I could 'to' could fit nicely insteadsay,
"You sound like the music
I can only hear the drums
and that shrieking horn
that cleans my ears
and leaves them red and raw."

You never even wasted time unless you were trying to extend the length of the sentence, this wasn't really necessarymeteting my eyes.
"Your best friends plays the drums."
No, she is the drums.
"Your best friend plays the horn.z"
No, she tasted like brass
but sounds lighter than that.
You shrug and turn the music louder.

"You sound like the music," I screamed,
"So loud I can hear the conductor
trip on a note and swallow a fly.
Taste it with your tongue,
you are the music, you are the sound,
too loud, too brave, too strong"
And I fell on the stereo.

The music playing now is quiet,
so quiet you can't hear a thing
but a trumpet solo and a cymbal crash
(cymbals dropped by your best friend)
Meet my eyes now and I am lost in the silence
Meet my eyes now and I sound like the music
so loud, so brave, so strong.

Right. So there isn't much to nitpick. And this is one of those poems which I don't understand at all. But I guess that's what makes it poetry. I didn't get the constant reference to a best friend, and I don't understand the girl's (I assume the MC is speaking to a girl) speech or why the MC keeps telling her that she sounds like music. But the poem still flows well, and so great job, and KEEP WRITING!

TIGERSPRITE

"You sound like the music," I screamed,
"So loud I can hear the conductor
trip on a note and swallow a fly.
Taste it with your tongue,
you are the music, you are the sound,
too loud, too brave, too strong"
And I fell on the stereo.

It might just be me but I became slightly confused when I read this part, I don't know why. Possibly because it is nearly midnight and I'm tired but Other than that one thing I found this poem extremely well done. In my opinion. I felt that this flowed and that the message was cryptic but still there. Wonderful job. I loved it.

-Wisp