My Messed Up Life - Part 3

Also, I'm working on the title. If anyone has any suggestions then that would be awesome, thanks. 

I climbed into bed and smiled, thinking about Nathan. He was the only person who could make me forget everything bad in my life. Everything I wouldn’t want to remember. I eventually fell asleep but my dreams were weird again. Xander was there, like last time. His voice was like Nathan’s. He told me he loved me, exactly the same way Nathan did. It was odd, like it was Nathan in Xander’s body. He just stood in front of me, not moving at all. It reminded me a lot of that night I’d argued with Xander. His posture was confident, but his expression was timid. Neither of us spoke until the end of the dream (or nightmare). “I’ll never love you again,” he told me, just like that night, and I woke up.

    I needed to get back to Nathan. I needed to talk to him. After lunch, I went to his house again. This time when I answered, his mum smiled at me. Her smile was almost identical to Nathan’s.

“Thank you,” she said and let me through. I knew what she was talking about. But why did she care? Nathan was lying on his bed reading.

“Hey,” I greeted him and he looked up from his book and smiled his gorgeous smile before getting up and hugging me.

“You are so weird,” he told me. I glared at him but he just chuckled and hugged me tighter. “You get annoyed with me and suddenly cannot be away from me.”

“Oh well,” I said, not moving.

“Why were you so upset that night when I found you?” he asked, suddenly changing both of our moods.

“Oh,” I didn’t know what to say, “I shouldn’t have to worry you with that.”

“Darling, I want to know anything that troubles you. I will always be here for you when you need me,” he said as he walked back to his bed and sat down, patting the space next to him. I sat where he had been patting and sighed. He was so perfect, I wasn’t actually certain if he was human.

“Can we please not mention it; I don’t want to think about it anymore.”

“Okay, I am sorry,” he apologised, but I thought it unnecessary.

“Don’t be,” I put one arm around him and rested my head on his shoulder.

“Why are you doing that?” he asked, not disgusted, just confused.

“’Cause I want to,” I replied and smiled. I sat up and we both looked at each other at the same time before I laughed and put my head back on his shoulder.

“As I said, you are weird,” he said, breaking the silence.

“In a good way.”

“Of course,” he smoothed down a bit of my hair. I think he liked touching it.

                                                                                   ***

A few months had passed and I had gone to Nathan’s house or we’d met up somewhere every day. We would only go for a drink or talk about nothing. One day we met in the park. We sat on the giant swing together and chatted like usual. It was strange how our conversations never got awkward or we didn’t know what to say. It started to rain but we were sheltered by the trees above us.

“It has been a few months now,” he stated.

“Yeah it has,” I agreed, sitting closer to him now because it was cold. He wrapped his arms around me to keep me warm which I thought was sweet.

“You are cold?” he asked, squeezing me tightly. I nodded, “It will warm up soon.”

“I love you,” I told him. My words scared me at first. They just escaped my mouth. It sounded so weird. And although I didn't expect to say it, it still felt oddly right.

“Do you?” his face seemed shocked.

“What do you think?” I questioned, gesturing to how close we were.

"I love you too,” was his reply. I leant in and kissed his lips. He kissed back. When we stopped he added, “Forever,” and pressed his lips to my forehead.

The rain got harder and the trees weren’t acting as good umbrellas so we decided to leave for home. We walked back, hand in hand, to my house. I walked in the house and Mum was annoyed again. I looked at my phone, five o’ clock. Not late today.

“What have I done?” I inquired.

“You’re out every day and we never see each other. What’s so important that makes you leave so early all the time?” she almost shouted it, but not quite.

“I just like meeting up with mates, that’s all,” I told her. I guess it was true.

“Every day?”

“Yes, Mum. I’ll hang out with you tomorrow if you want,” why did I say that?

“Okay. Where were you today?"

“The park,” I said.

She smiled and I walked to my room and called Nathan. I told him how I had to spend the day with Mum because I was stupid enough to suggest it. He said it was fine. I told him I loved him and we hung up. That night I dreamt about Xander once again. Why? Why would he enter my dreams every night? Shouldn’t I dream about Nathan or even unicorns? It confuses me. I can’t ever see him again. He scares me, understandably though.

    I am so over the top about everything. Should I just leave? Should I run away from home? It's hard to cope with all of this rubbish going on. I'm fed up of Mum, I'm fed up of Xander. Everything is driving me absolutely insane. But how would Nathan feel? How would I feel about him? Could I leave him? Probably not, to be honest. I had to talk to him. But I always talk to him, there’s not a day where I don’t call him or see him. I must seem so desperate. But for Nathan, I guess I am.

    After Mum left for work in the morning and I was about to leave to see Nathan but as I opened the door, Xander was standing on my porch with his perfect black windswept hair, perfect pale face and perfect clothes.

“Go away,” I ordered. Then I remembered how arrogant he was, thinking he could control me. Thinking I'd fall into his arms.

“No,” he replied flatly, inviting himself in.

"As I said, I hate you,” I pushed him out the door.

“Hey hey, no need to be like that, love,” his arms found my waist. I literally took his arms off me.

“No way,” I glared, “and don’t you dare call me love.”

“I was going to play nice. Give you a chance to get me back,” he winked at me. I was disgusted. I freaked out.

“You think I would ever want you back? Are you seriously that stupid?” I screamed at him.

“Even worse,” he stepped closer to me, “You want me to get as mad as last time?” he whispered in his frightening low voice.

“Get out,” I replied, “Now.”

He seemed like he had victory. He knew I was terrified. So he winked again before leaving. I breathed slowly, trying to make sense of our conversation. Could this really be? Was he serious? He couldn’t... It didn’t make sense. I felt the tears falling down my cheeks. I felt fear. I couldn’t do this. I curled myself up in the corner by the window of my living room. Doesn’t everyone do that? I hate to be like everyone else. But I wanted to be as small as possible. Somehow leave the Earth. I wouldn’t move, weeping almost silently as I heard voices outside. Nathan. He’d probably wondered why I hadn’t seen him today. Don’t let him see me, don’t let him see me, I was thinking. Damn. My window was open.

“Darling have I annoyed you?” his innocent voice asked, obviously not seeing me. “Can I come in?”

I sniffed and tried to say as normally as I could, “It’s open.”

It was clear that he knew something was wrong because he ran through that door so quick. He looked round the room until he noticed me concealing myself behind blankets and my arms in the corner. I wiped my eyes and got up.

“Oh God, whatever is the matter?” he seemed so concerned. I don’t want him to be like that; it was sad to watch.

“Xander came,” I tried to force the words out of my mouth, it was hard. His beautifully tanned hand moved towards my face, like it always does, and he knelt in front of me before putting his forehead to mine.

“What did he say to you?” he whispered. His voice wasn’t even close to the petrifying whisper which came out of Xander’s mouth; it was annoyingly flawless.

“Not too much,” I sniffled, “but I know what he meant. I know that I’m right. He basically told me.”

“What did he mean?” he said.

“He asked me if I wanted him to get as angry as last time. Like it was a threat,” I began.

“Last time?” he interrupted.

“Yes, that’s why I know what he meant.”

“Tell me,” he almost shouted, not with anger. Just worry. Both hands held my head up.

“He wants to kill me.”