Have you ever considered
what mattered with matter?
When the matter of the matter,
mattered to you.
Why we focus on ashes or dust
particles that were once meaningless to us.
Why we magnify microscopic, yet
intricate objects.
Maybe we are small protons of time,
small artifacts of change,
complete and always seeking completion
We are nothing but tiny particles,
momentous and grand.
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139,516 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Momentous is my favorite word. Just thought you should know. xP
Hi Chips here with a review.
I liked the opening;
"Have you ever considered
what mattered with matter?
When the matter of the matter,
mattered to you."
It was a bit of a tongue twister but it made sense once read twice of course. I liked how you of course incorporated physics into this by mentioning, "matter".
"Maybe we are small protons of time,
small artifacts of change,
complete and always seeking completion
We are nothing but tiny particles,
momentous and grand."
This last stanza was insightful, from what I could understand of it, it was intelligent in describing a metaphor not many people may understand. The last line was amazing
Overall great piece
Hi there, TheWeather! My name is Scarlett and I'm here to review your poetry today.
This is brilliant. I love the bit of a tongue twister at the start. I had to reread it several times to make sure I was reading it right. Very sneaky of you, even though I'm not a huge fan of repetition. I did like it here, though. Mainly because I feel like it was deliberate. And that's totally fine by me. ^^
I especially like this last part;
I can't see anything that needs fixing, though, so that's it, I think. The flow is good, your imagery is pretty cool and I like the theme you've got going. I'm definitely going to like this as soon as I submit this review! So, no nitpicks or suggestions. This is great as is. And that's it, I've got nothing more to say, except...
Remember: Keep it up and never stop writing.
~Scar.
Hello weather! This is a work in progress, so I will try to restrain my natural evil.
Firstly, allow me to congratulate me on the first verse, which was truly marvelous. There is very little I can say, but I wasn't going to stop reading after that.
The second verse is O.K, but I feel there is a lack of punctuation in the first and second line.
Third verse. I didn't understand that simile. I shall take it as my ignorance, yet I feel it is not a finishing verse; I guess you shall build on that though.
Overall a great work, the highlight of wich was certainly the matter in the first verse.
Take That You Fiend!
Thanks for the review
Hello
Keep up the amazing work!
I have to say, I liked this quite a bit. I liked the topic you chose and the way you talked about it. It was very interesting. It all flowed very nicely.
I Just have a few suggestions...
"Have you ever considered
what mattered with matter,"
Here, I think You should end the second sentence with a question mark. And then start the third line with a capital letter. It would make a little more sense and make sure the sentence isn't a run-on sentence.
"Maybe we are small protons of time,
small artifacts of change, complete
and always seeking completion"
Where complete is, you should move it down to join with the third sentence. It would make the poem flow a bit more.
All in all you did very well on this
Thanks for the review and suggestions