i
whistling to the sound of the smiths
on your record player created
an ambiance of forever,
i remember passing notes in class,
and kidding ourselves that we were lovesick.
ii
running through museums became
our tradition, we teared down the
walls of history and created our
own revolutions.
iii
we built forts that reached
our empire states of mind
there’s no place like home,
there’s no place like home.
iv
we were out of touch with
reality, and soon enough became
out of touch with each other.
there's no place for thoughts,
there's no place for thoughts.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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140,396 Literary Works • 673,155 Reviews
why'd you take this off? :O
I kinda want to start again with my poems. Clean slate init
TheWeather, good morning. My name is wisegirl22, I've seen you but haven't reviewed you, have I?
Okay, I had a teensy-weensy problem with the Roman numerals. You don't have to fix this at all, I just prefer them capitalized.
"i"
And just one question, before I sweep the curtains in front of my face:
Why did you title this "Bike Rides In Berlin"?
See ya',
Wisegirl22
Hi, everything was intentionally lowercase. I've explained the title below in a comment on the first review.
Oh. Thx!
This was all truly thought out and well written. I loved how you made the feeling of this poem, I really can't describe it. It was a wonderful poem that I would love to reread over and over again. I can't wait to see more of your work.
Thanks
This is beautiful.
You've created an atmosphere of enchantment with such simple language, and I really like that. I fell in love with your second stanza. I thought it was lovely. You managed to create a personal relationship with the reader from the start and continued strong throughout the entire piece.
Oh, and the title really did create an air of nostalgia.
I really enjoyed this.
~ FearlessLove4
Thank you
Breathtaking. Absolutely breathtaking.
This is so simple and beautiful and you've managed to create such a personal connection with the reader. You're use of Berlin and the idea of tearing down walls is inspired especially when considered within a bigger analogy.
This is absolutely fantastic and you should be proud l this
~retro
Thanks a lot
Hello TheWeather!
This is beautiful! short, sweet, and beautiful. My favorite part is:
"we were out of touch with
reality, and soon enough became
out of touch with each other.
there's no place for thoughts,
there's no place for thoughts."
That just got me in the heart, it's wonderful. One thing I don't understand: Why is it called "Bike rides in Berlin"?. It doesn't make much sense in my opinion. You're the boss.
~Kelpies.
Well, the title was just to represent the reminiscent/nostalgic feel of the poem. Thanks for the review.
You're welcome. And now I get it.