she who is more fickle than lady love (edited)

Hallo Day! I'm here to review your poem today!

To start off, I really like how you've written this like a poetic dictionary entry. This certainly is a style I haven't seen before. I give you kudos for your creativity in this. I also like how you've had the first part as a short, brief description of power, then your second one, a longer narrative poem. That certainly was lovely.

In the first part, the flow is lovely, and the grammar is spot on. I especially like the repetition of "illusions" in the first two lines.
"the illusion of influence over others:
intoxicating crippling illusions,"
The way you've worded it is just exquisite, truly. Really, for all of the part, you have wonderful wording. It is certainly something you have a knack for.

The imagery in the second part works astoundingly well with the story told within the words. The way you've told of the deceit and downfalls of power, looking at both the typical male hero, and the evil, cunning maiden really evokes the emotions and pictures behind the words. Once again, you've used excellent wording and such. And really, you've done a marvellous job with this.

I could say more, but I'd only be rambling on about how good this poem is, because really, that's the truth. I sincerely would love to read more of your poetry, and as always, keep writing!
- noninjaspresent >(> ==)>*

Hello there Day! Dogs here with your review. Before I even start into my review, I really gotta say that the word choice and imagery that you use is just superb, flat out perfection and amazing. I have been preaching for people to use this excellent vocab for years on this site, and I think I really got to someone now! Cause I read this and I think "daannngggg." Cause that is certainly the strongest aspect of your writing. And with that high level of vocab that you use, by default, it creates stronger images. Not sure why, but it does for me at least. Lets move onto ze review now shall we?

"intoxicating crippling illusions"

Excellent word choice here and I love the imagery, although you don't really ever describe what are these illusions make men love fight serve and die and what not. I need a little bit more information there to help the reader out in understanding this piece. Although if the illusion is the illusion of influence over others as you mentioned in the previous line, most likely, than you need to adjust your wording to convey that point. Try saying: "the illusion of influence over others/ is brimming with..." something along those lines just to link those two thoughts.

On a side note, I noticed that you never capitalize any words. Of course grammar is entirely up to the writer, but I strongly suggest that you capitalize words after periods unless the lowercase letters add to your poem. This is because it is just more visually stimulating to see a variety letter sizes, at least in my opinion it is.

The next stanza is just darn near flawless. Great imagery, smooth writing, EXCELLENT vocab. Impressive writing all around in that regard. I love the last line, "carrion" and "flesh" are some excellent words. Although you don't exactly describe how the "mistress" gains the thrown. Certainly a topic you need to clear up for the reader because I'm not quire sure how that occurs. I'm sure it's implied and I'm just reading over it, but try to make it a tad bit clearer.

All and all an excellent piece of work. I truly loved reading this, all my comments were huge nit picks because there wasn't much to find wrong with in this piece. Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh