this morning I thought a poem;
half-forgotten shards of script,
a crying ice statuette, elegant
in her sorrow.
my umbrellas saved naught;
she melted sharp as the words
etched on a smooth canvas,
a plaintive catch of whimsy.
reality crowds in, unwanted;
my sliver of fancy fled, sand
slipped fingers, gone in a wink
with déjà vu my only friend.
I attempt recall, evading truth:
gone, my words digress and roam
flooded windows, a convex world
but words remain the same.
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Canary word: Present
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141,254 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
Very well done. I like how original it was, and the wording was great. It added life to the poem, whereas your imagery, unfortunately, failed to do that You should make your details clearer, though. Not by lessening your use of unusual words, but maybe you could change a few and replace a few of your sentences with some that are better. But I know how hard it is to get rid of of sentences in your poem so maybe you could just fix a few of them to smooth out the overall content.
Great Job, keep writing!!
But these are just suggestions, and I th like your poem
I liked this poem, it was very well done. Great job. Not many people like to use uncommon words in their poem, such as naught and plaintive. Also, poems that don't have a traditional rhyme scheme or topic reel me in like no one's business!
The only blemish I see here is that there's no capitalization, but that's not a big deal.
Here's what I think,
Punctuation: Fine, your didn't have any commas in the wrong places.
Spelling: Perfect, all of your words' spelling was on point.
Flow: Perfect, the flow went nicely with the poem's theme
Capitalization, you got the "I's" right but its not a big deal.
Finally, the poem isn't plain like most odd poems are, that, my friend, is why I love it!
~Dark
This poem interests me
It has no real scheme or rhythm, yet is still really pleasant to read. I like the story you're telling and how you tell it- the imagery you use is really pretty. The reader can really imagine all of the small little things you put in there that ultimately make up the big picture. All of your words go well with each other and end up really nicely.
The only negative comment I could make is that there's a lot of punctuation, and I understand that it's needed but it was a little distracting from the actual poem.
Other than that teeny little thing, it was really good so please keep writing! <3
Awesome poem!!!