Young Writers Society

Hiyaaaaaa, i'm here to review!! So I really liked the rhymes and how it flowed really naturally, cause you're honestly a really great writer. (Wow, I say really a lot.) So anyways, I can't even think of any critiques EXCEPT I think the ending was a little sudden, but endings are difficult to do. I think everything else about your poem was flawless and was definitely in the spirit of Halloween! So, like I stated, your poem is AWESOME, and you should be extremely proud! Hope you had a happy Halloween! Ima go now... (Also, thanks for reviewing my works, I appreciate it!)

Hey, ThatOneGuy2002!
Very nice poem here! It has very nice rhyming, which I really like, and I feel like I am inside of your poem. Very descriptive! It has a nice Halloween tune to it, which goes well with the season and the just past holiday.
I really enjoyed reading this poem of yours, ThatOneGuy2002! This is one of the better (And by that I mean absolutely brilliant) poems I have read. Great work!
Your reviewer and faithful YWS member,
~ Jadefeather

Hai!! I am B, I will try to make this into a review!!


First off, I am going to state the good things...

I love your poem, and the way that it is set up, and the words showed the image very well.


I have no idea why, but I love this part...

"On the moon that only just rose,

The only light is emmitted

From sparkling teeth set in rows

Flee they choose

The method they always use

To escape from he

Whos internals outerly ooze

He wasnt given a choice

He wasnt given a voice

The only companions of his

Are the vultures that constantly choix

Instead of laying down

He picks back up his orange crown

Deciding yet to smile

He still has yet to frown

Further still he must travel

The actions of the people repeat as they unravel

The kindness shown by human beings

Has always been as smooth as gravel

Who is to blame?

His creator holds no shame

There is no false claim

Fear is in its name."

I think that I like this, so that I like it because it puts the image into my mind, and it is easy to visualize.

And secondly, I saw that you had an image..
I know that it showed a good image of the poem, but it was not needed...


but overall, I loved this, it was amazing!!!

Keep up the great work....

~B

Hi there! So I really, really like this!
There are few lines that kind of broke the rhythm you have going, and I would just like to offer a few suggestions. .

"A fleeing into the wood

A knowing that they would, "

I would get rid of the letter "A" in both lines, and on the second one I would say something like this: "Knowing what they would do."

Because after you read this line and go onto the next, it just feels awkward. I would either change this line up a little, or the next one.
That's all I had!