A creak past the floorboards
A shuddering door
A restless wanderer
In search of more
A cry in the night
A being in plight
Another misunderstanding of
The wrong he tried to right
A fleeing into the wood
A knowing that they would,
They always come after
Thinking that they should
The light of day is far
Soon they forget where they are,
In the home of the one
Whos eyes are gaps of tar
The curtain of clouds close
On the moon that only just rose,
The only light is emmitted
From sparkling teeth set in rows
Flee they choose
The method they always use
To escape from he
Whos internals outerly ooze
He wasnt given a choice
He wasnt given a voice
The only companions of his
Are the vultures that constantly choix
Instead of laying down
He picks back up his orange crown
Deciding yet to smile
He still has yet to frown
Further still he must travel
The actions of the people repeat as they unravel
The kindness shown by human beings
Has always been as smooth as gravel
Who is to blame?
His creator holds no shame
There is no false claim
Fear is in its name.
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139,468 Literary Works • 672,573 Reviews
Hiyaaaaaa, i'm here to review!! So I really liked the rhymes and how it flowed really naturally, cause you're honestly a really great writer. (Wow, I say really a lot.) So anyways, I can't even think of any critiques EXCEPT I think the ending was a little sudden, but endings are difficult to do. I think everything else about your poem was flawless and was definitely in the spirit of Halloween! So, like I stated, your poem is AWESOME, and you should be extremely proud! Hope you had a happy Halloween! Ima go now... (Also, thanks for reviewing my works, I appreciate it!)
Thanks alot! The abrupt ending was actually intended, however it was quite sudden
Cool, then you should keep it
Hey, ThatOneGuy2002!
Very nice poem here! It has very nice rhyming, which I really like, and I feel like I am inside of your poem. Very descriptive! It has a nice Halloween tune to it, which goes well with the season and the just past holiday.
I really enjoyed reading this poem of yours, ThatOneGuy2002! This is one of the better (And by that I mean absolutely brilliant) poems I have read. Great work!
Your reviewer and faithful YWS member,
~ Jadefeather
Thank you!, glad that you liked it. I felt obliged to write a halloween themed work, not necessarily an area I usually work with. Anyways, thanks for the review! :3
Hai!! I am B, I will try to make this into a review!!
First off, I am going to state the good things...
I love your poem, and the way that it is set up, and the words showed the image very well.
I have no idea why, but I love this part...
"On the moon that only just rose,
The only light is emmitted
From sparkling teeth set in rows
Flee they choose
The method they always use
To escape from he
Whos internals outerly ooze
He wasnt given a choice
He wasnt given a voice
The only companions of his
Are the vultures that constantly choix
Instead of laying down
He picks back up his orange crown
Deciding yet to smile
He still has yet to frown
Further still he must travel
The actions of the people repeat as they unravel
The kindness shown by human beings
Has always been as smooth as gravel
Who is to blame?
His creator holds no shame
There is no false claim
Fear is in its name."
I think that I like this, so that I like it because it puts the image into my mind, and it is easy to visualize.
And secondly, I saw that you had an image..
I know that it showed a good image of the poem, but it was not needed...
but overall, I loved this, it was amazing!!!
Keep up the great work....
~B
K. I just posted the pic because i wanted to. And nic e job restating the entire poem xD. Anyways, happy halloween, thanks for the review.
I loved the image though. It is nice.
Thanks.
Hi there! So I really, really like this!
.
There are few lines that kind of broke the rhythm you have going, and I would just like to offer a few suggestions.
"A fleeing into the wood
A knowing that they would, "
I would get rid of the letter "A" in both lines, and on the second one I would say something like this: "Knowing what they would do."
Because after you read this line and go onto the next, it just feels awkward. I would either change this line up a little, or the next one.
That's all I had!
K, thanks. Happy halloween