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Scatty Cat III

by Swagmonkey

Now Scatty Cat is back from china and he went to Northwash's birthday, and northwashs friend Rocco was there and he said to scatty cat why do you called scatty cat? And then Scatty cat went boo bop scooby doop ve voop because he's a scatty cat. Why did you think he was called scatty cat? Rocco gave northwash tickets to antartica for his special day so scatty cat went with him. Then he saw a wizard there called Hagglehand. He asked for a million wished but hagglehand said no scattycat you'd just wish for a bunch of strippers. It was true. So then scattycat was suspiscios and he pulled of the wizerds robe, which was not nice. Northwash helped him. When they disrobed the old man, he was doctor Lu-danger but he was really old then scatty cat said what happened and he said because you sucked out all my power but I'm gonna take it back haha scattycat u r finished lol. Then he zapped him but it didn't work because scatty Cat is special. And then the doctor was defeated for the last time and he said no i'll have my revenge but then he died how sad there wasn't a funeral he had no family. Then northwash went and looted his home because he had pills and old magazines. But then scatty cat said lets be good and give up strippers and pills. So they were good and (they didn't do bad things) anymore.


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User avatar
241 Reviews

Points: 286
Reviews: 241

Sun May 26, 2013 4:12 pm
Jonathan wrote a review...

Hello jordin here with a review for you and my team red.

Hope this helps you out.

Okay in this book you need to capitalize all of the first letters in any names you did not do it in any of you story's or in this one...

mm you have a number of mistakes here but they are not huge ones one is that how can scatty cat ask for wished?

When you are writing story's you do not put lolls in.

Okay your story has a few mistakes but it is still good as a younger kids story.

Keep writing and good luck.

Hope this helped swag.

~Jon~ :3pirate:

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7 Reviews

Points: 1033
Reviews: 7

Sat May 18, 2013 2:37 pm
Natural Militia wrote a review...

The first line of the story is supposed to grab viewers, and I don't feel grabbed. In fact, I feel shoved away. It's a run-on, and difficult to read. In a piece this short, you need to work meticulously to make sure there are no grammatical errors. I understand that English is not your first language, yes? If so, you should find someone who knows English very well that you can trust. Show the story to him/her and get their corrections to it. This will enhance readability. I'm sorry, but the story is very difficult to read because of its grammatical errors. Focus on dealing with run-on's, paragraph breaks, and comma placement mostly.

Your story also feels very rushed. This is more of a flash fiction story, so you cannot do a lot of development in terms of character and plot. Either focus on one detail of your story and describe it, or lengthen your story dramatically.

Also, in terms of the actual plot of your story... I'll be honest, it doesn't grab me. Maybe someone else, but not me. You chose a very silly topic, which isn't bad, but you MUST enhance it with correct grammar or the entire story will be disregarded as silly.

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303 Reviews

Points: 11152
Reviews: 303

Sun Apr 28, 2013 10:20 pm
StoneHeart wrote a review...

Okay, Black here for ANOTHER review day Review!

Okay, again your writing is very chaotic and somehow childish . . . But you're on your way, this was more interesting than anything else of yours that I've read so far!

Okay, so your plot and theme are messy, very. This is again like a very messy outline for a book, you could turn it into a good, full sized book if you expanded and added information! . . .

Your Grammar and Spelling are sadly messy as well I'm afraid to say, but you're on your way, I was able to read and understand all of this (You seem to have a problem with not capitalizing your words)

Here are a few problems that I found . . .

and he pulled of the wizerds robe

'Wizerd' isn't a word, I'm thinking that you mean, 'Wizard' . . .

haha scattycat u r finished lol

Isn't 'scattycat' said 'Scatty Cat' . . . Also you need your '”'s in here. Another thing, using text abbreviations is totally and utterly unacceptable when you're writing any kind of novel or short story . . . it can't work, won't work, and never will. You must be careful about yourself here, instead of writing 'u r finished lol' you'd write 'You're finished!” He burst into laughter.' . . . It's nowhere near perfect, but I promise that it's a good deal better. . . .

said no i'll have my revenge but then he died

You need a bit 'I' on 'i'll' and you again need to put in your '”'s . . . also, it would really help you if you explained how he died, not just 'then he died'.

I'm still thinking about what a great story this could be if you only enlargened it and gave us more information! (Oh, a quick note: You don't need to put 'The End' in there . . . it's unnecessary.

Overall? I think you need practice . . . really, that's all you need, give yourself some practice writing more detailed fiction and I think you'll be on the high road to becoming a novelist!

Keep up the good work (Writing!).


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Swagmonkey says...

Oh no plese my confidence is shattered I'm only in america for a 12 month D:

— Carina