z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Trashy Hotel Room

by SuperOriginalName


Trashy Hotel Room 

---

I'm in a trashy hotel room,

 and it's as crummy as it can get.

The lamp is shining dimly,

and there are bugs in the bed.

-

I'm in a trashy hotel room,

and there are stains on the walls,

yet I am still grateful,

because many have nothing at all.

-

Some have nothing,

some have none.

Some have something,

some have some.

-

I have plenty, 

but we sweep that away like brooms,

so we never see the beauty,

of trashy hotel rooms.

-

I'm in a trashy hotel room,

and that's good enough for me,

but we are never able to take in the little things,

the ones that we always see.

---


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
10 Reviews

Points: 883
Reviews: 10

Donate
Tue Apr 09, 2024 5:00 pm
Nini wrote a review...



This poem suggests to see the beauty in things we consider as tarnished and old but there's something unique about it, the vibe and how it sets it's very own aesthetic. Nonetheless it will get creepy if you find out bugs railing around your bed and no doubt anybody will lose their cool but you still choose to not let that harm the overall context of the poem that is to make things look good even if it's not the way it was suppose to be and feel ashamed which I think goes well for the trashy hotel too. One thing I noticed about this poem is if someone replaces the "trashy hotel" and think in terms of something that seems cliché to rest of world but not to them then this poem would unfold it's true colours. it happens so with us because we have found the uniqueness it holds and appreciate what it has to offer

There's a song whose name I don't remember but soemhow retain a few words from the lyrics
"Wakeup in New York city
in a funky cheap hotel"
and the vibe of the "funky cheap hotel" is what I get reading the poem . Good one >>




User avatar
35 Reviews

Points: 319
Reviews: 35

Donate
Tue Apr 09, 2024 2:24 pm
dm74 wrote a review...



I absolutely loved this poem. Too often, we take for granted everything we are so lucky to have that we don't realize we are lucky to have them. There are people out all over the world who have nothing and this poem reminds us that even if we have little, we have it all.

My favorite stanza is

I'm in a trashy hotel room,

and that's good enough for me,

but we are never able to take in the little things,

the ones that we always see.


I think it sums up your message completely: to appreciate the little things no matter how mundane, common, or small they are.

A line to remember:

I'm in a trashy hotel room,

and there are stains on the walls,

yet I am still grateful,

because many have nothing at all.


I think people who read this stanza, and the poem as a whole, will benefit from this stanza in particular because even though the trashy hotel room has imperfections, the narrator is still grateful for having a roof over their head.

Overall, I love the message of the poem. I think you said a lot in a short amount.




User avatar
25 Reviews

Points: 2050
Reviews: 25

Donate
Thu Dec 26, 2019 1:24 am
RanaNoodles wrote a review...



Hello!
This poem is really great! I love you start it really casual, but then it evolves into this powerful poem about less fortunate people.
You don’t capitalize the beginning of every line, which works. It makes the whole thing flow a lot better, even though it doesn’t affect how it would sound if someone were to read it out loud.
I also like how you put three dashes at the beginning and end, and one dash in between every stanza. It makes the end seem that much more final and the beginning more definite.
The only thing I would change is the last paragraph. It was probably just me, but it was a little confusing. I don’t get how we can’t take in the things that we’ll always see. I get there’s a difference between seeing and taking in, but it was kind of confusing to me.
Overall, keep doing what you’re doing!
-Rana Noodles




SuperOriginalName says...


Thank you, @rana_noodles, for this wonderful review.

I could explain the ending to you, but that should not be happening. In the future, I will attempt to make the stanzas more clear to the reader.
Again, thank you, & happy holidays!

~@SuperOriginalName



User avatar
142 Reviews

Points: 1992
Reviews: 142

Donate
Wed Dec 25, 2019 11:21 pm
View Likes
looseleaf wrote a review...



I loved this poem! It helped me realize how lucky I am to have things, even if I do not think of it. It is very easy to read and the formatting is wonderful. There is one thing that jumped out to me, but it may not be a mistake. In the lines:

"...I have plenty, yet we sweep that away like brooms..."

You say "you" have plenty, but "we" sweep that away. I would suggest that you use only one pronoun and say, "we have plenty, yet we sweep that away." I think it makes more sense that way. Otherwise, this piece was excellent. The grammar, spelling, and punctuation was all correct. Keep on writing and Merry Christmas!




SuperOriginalName says...


Thank you for the suggestion and the review overall!
That does make a whole lot more sense. Would you like me to change it for you and everyone else%u2019s flow in reading? Let me know.
Keep writing as well, and happy holidays!
~SuperOriginalName



SuperOriginalName says...


*everyone else%u2019s flow in reading
I%u2019m sorry I didn%u2019t catch that...



SuperOriginalName says...


Huh. That%u2019s weird. Wherever I want to put an apostrophe, it instead puts %u201C%u2018%u201D. I hope you can still read it, if you substitute %u201C%u2018%u201D with an apostrophe.

Again, I am sorry, and happy holidays!



User avatar
11 Reviews

Points: 369
Reviews: 11

Donate
Tue Dec 24, 2019 8:57 pm
View Likes
ReeN_beNa wrote a review...



Great Piece.
This poem made me realize how I fail to appreciate and overlook somethings I regard as little in this world which is so not right, because these 'little' things are the things that make living more beautiful.
"Some have nothing,

some have none.

Some have something,

some have some."
I really like the pun vibe this line gives me, and how such few words spoke loudly to me drawing my attention back to appreciating certain things in life.

"I have plenty,

but we sweep that away like brooms,

so we never see the beauty,

of trashy hotel rooms."

Another favorite stanza which to me places more emphasis on people being prone to overlook and not appreciate these little things they feel are unnecessary. I like the simile you used to represent such a case,
"...but we sweep that away like brooms..."
the broom simile emphasizing how they are belittled, is so on point!

Such a great wise poem. I love it.
Good job buddy, it is amazing.




SuperOriginalName says...


Thank you so much!
Are you sure there%u2019s nothing I could do to improve this piece, though? Yes, I do like this poem, but it%u2019s hard to believe that you do not wish that I changed something to make it more enjoyable. It%u2019s more than fine if not, though.
I will be sure to check out some of your literature as well! Keep writing!
Happy holidays! %u2744%uFE0F

~@SuperOriginalName



User avatar
31 Reviews

Points: 128
Reviews: 31

Donate
Tue Dec 24, 2019 2:22 pm
View Likes
Terian805 wrote a review...



Hiya, this was pretty enjoyable, you're obviously pretty skilled at using rhyme and rhythm. The changes in the two between stanzas seemed to make sense; the whole poem felt very fluid. For example, on stanzas 1, 2, and 3, you consistently used half rhymes on the second and fourth lines, before using full rhymes in the case of the last two stanzas. I liked that, it gave weight to the message of your poem, showing how your hotel room has given you a clear view of the world. This is a fun poem, it feels quite whimsical. I like poems which fixate on parts of everyday life, and find the significance within them.

I think that some of the language choices could be a bit more effective. You should think about which words would best emphasise the imagery you're trying to get across. For example, the lamp could be shining 'greasily' or 'murkily' or 'dingy' or 'gloomy', as I've often felt that some hotel rooms I've stayed in are like that! Perhaps the simile 'We sweep that away like brooms' could become a metaphor 'We sweep them away like brooms' evoking a kind of dirty, messy, room and fitting with your theme. Despite all this, there isn't much bad to say about this poem! Keep writing




SuperOriginalName says...


Thank you so much for the review! I do realize that I need to look into expressing more emotions with words.
Also, I like your idea of your new simile, of making it fit more into this theme.
Again, thank you, and happy holidays!



User avatar
16 Reviews

Points: 617
Reviews: 16

Donate
Mon Dec 23, 2019 1:52 am
View Likes
SuperOriginalName says...



Please review! Like I said, I have recently just gotten back from taking a short break from writing (about a few months), so I am a bit rusty.
Also, I am trying out a new rhythm! Tell me how you like it?

Enjoy, and merry Christmas!

~@SuperOriginalName





Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
— Albert Einstein