Young Writers Society

Hey there SuperOriginalName! Tuck swinging by for a surprise review today

Overall, I liked the way you set this up and I think you did a good job executing the light, humorous theme both through structure and word choice. The ending was also very well doe and provided a good ending to the story. It made me laugh because of how well it fit with the poem's theme and still had a sense of finality to it, so good job on that. However, there were a few things that I think you could improve on moving forward, and I'll do my best to point those out to you in this review!

One suggestion I have for you is to experiment with a form of poetry where you don't use rhyming. It feels as if restricting yourself to words that rhyme with each other limits your creative prowess, and while rhyme can be helpful when it comes to meter and rhythm, it's not absolutely necessary for a poem. If it's limiting you, then it's probably doing more harm than good in your poem.

Another thing I noticed is that this poem bounced around a lot, and it didn't seem to have a consistent theme throughout. It felt as if you just added disjointed stanza after stanza, and it also got quite long. You didn't have any themes tying it together, unless we're counting randomosity, which meant it was hard to elicit an emotional response from me because there wasn't a theme for me to relate to.

But overall, this was a light and humorous read, and I enjoyed it! Thank you for sharing it on YWS, and I hope this review was helpful to you. If you have any questions for me about this review, please don't hesitate to ask!

I don't know why this is on the Literary spotlight XD. I have no clue what to say.
Thank you!

Ah this was light and humorous. I've read plenty of procrastination poems, before but the rhyming in your's really set it a notch ahead of others I've read, and I love how it culminates into those last two stanzas.

I'll say there was a touch of time in the middle where it was hard to catch where the narrative was going because the speaker was flashing from YWS, to their writing, to their room etc. so there were a lot of elements all thrown together at once. I'd suggest stream-lining it a bit more with just one or two central plots so that it's not quite as meandering if you decide to edit it.

Besides that I mean I think poem accomplished what it set off to do - it also gives readers a little glimpse into your personality too. One thing I appreciated, is that procrastination & writer's block poems often take on a "disaster" tone, like "this is the worst thing that could possibly happen, I think I'm going to die and the world is going to blow up" and honestly that's pretty unrelateable, and makes their poem seem almost too ridiculous to be empathetic towards the actual emotion/situation being presented. But you don't make it too catastrophic - in fact you say that you're almost okay with the fact that your procrastinating, it's not ideal but it's what's going on.

Yep, overall a very enjoyable poem. A few poetry tips for your next piece: try to avoid using ellipses, because it feels like an uncomfortable pause, and looks a bit sloppy. And watch repetition of the same words at the end of your lines - you used a few words twice like "rhyme" that in such a short poem / stood out because they were at the end of the line.

Hope to see more of your pieces in the future!

- alliyah

Hilarious! I love the humor. I like the way you make it so that the guy is telling it as he goes, like he can't go back and fix stuff.

"I think it's funny how my first literary piece
Is about my weird thoughts.
Sometimes I wish,
I wish that neurons could be bought."

This was great. You talk about your "literary piece" from inside the literary piece, in a way that makes it funnier. Also, I wish I could buy neurons too. It would make life a lot easier. (Unless the neurons were really expensive.)

"I don't care if this is on the literary spotlight,
Or what things people point out in the reviews."

This was funny. Again you talk from inside of your literary work in a funny way.

The one thing I would say is that you don't always follow your rhyme scheme of a, b, c, b, and some of your rhymes only loosely rhyme.

Other than that, this was quite good! It's the sort of humor I would write.