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I'm Going Back to Sleep Now.

by SuperOriginalName


I need to be on this site a little more,

And I'm sorry I haven't been.

"Maybe I should create a schedule,"

I say as I'm growing a double chins.

-

I would like to sleep,

Even though I have been lying in my bed all day.

Is that a problem?  Should I get it checked out?

Uhh...  I'll do it someday.

-

This is a very short poem, 

But I am aware of the flaws.

I am going back to sleep now,

So goodnight to all.


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Points: 33
Reviews: 7

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Mon Oct 28, 2019 8:15 am
SidPorter1 wrote a review...



This is not a poem, this is laziness at it's peak. The fact that other reviewers are celebrating this baffles me. I understand art is subjective but this sorry to say is not art. You just tried to rhyme and wrote what you felt but this was too simplistic it lost it's artistic appeal. I'm going back to sleep is not a poem it is too undefined




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Points: 253
Reviews: 16

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Tue Oct 15, 2019 6:37 pm
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Lionhero333 wrote a review...



Firstly, no such thing as a short poem, as long as uoi get your point acrossed its fine. And you did that, this poem is so real and just laid back. I can completely relate to this poem and this feeling. As writes/creators I think we all go through this mental and physical change. Living in the sun is hard for us (at least for me) my best work comes between 9pm - 8am

But again, great poem. And not too short.







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73 Reviews


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Tue Oct 15, 2019 12:28 am
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WinnyWriter wrote a review...



This is amazing and so human! If we can't all relate to this in some area, at some point, then we probably aren't even real. ;) jk

I like how you make boredom so humorous. You've taken something so usual and made it colorful in its own plain way. It kind of makes me laugh because one would think of poetry as something inspirational or something that comes from a heart burning with words to pen, but this literally art out of normalcy. It's like you're so chill about your procrastination.

Keep rolling out the poetry! :)






Wow! Thank you so much, @WinnyWriter



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10 Reviews


Points: 575
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Sun Oct 13, 2019 6:49 pm
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I just spat out words onto a screen, and it's on the literary spotlight

°^° ←Me

In all seriousness, thank you @Anamel and @JabberHut for the aging such awesome reviews. :3




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32 Reviews


Points: 136
Reviews: 32

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Sun Oct 13, 2019 5:40 pm
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Anamel wrote a review...



I like how short it is, honestly. It's not even really that short, kind of just in the middle. It gets its point across well in a humorous way. Also really relatable lol. I also like the format, it's very neat. I like the self-awareness in the ending too about the poem possibly having some flaws which I haven't seen before. I also can relate to the second stanza, I'm tired all the time and usually lay in my bed all day writing unless having to do something else otherwise. Overall no complaints with this poem. :)




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1251 Reviews


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Sun Oct 13, 2019 11:20 am
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JabberHut wrote a review...



Teehee! What a fun little diddy that is completely and utterly relatable in every way. In fact, it's how I hop on as often as I do. I just maintain a schedule! I review every morning when I'm awake and fully charged. :D

I really like how it gets straight to the point in that first verse, and it even ends in a little bit of humor if not honest reality (I mean LOOK AT MY FACE, WILL YOU ??), so it made me giggle the way it ended there. I also actually like the idea of how creating a schedule leads to that final line, as if a schedule could also help with ensuring the speaker gets more physical activity in their life as well. It kinda works out!

I certainly think the poem could express why the speaker is sorry, though. The poem never really goes into why they feel bad about it, nor does it really convince me to feel just as emotional about it. That feeling of regret/guilt is what we all feel when we realize we aren't living up to expectations! Even as a poem of humor, I think that would be fun to at least play with. Acknowledging that feeling but putting a humorous spin on it. Could be a fun challenge!

The second verse was just super silly and super true at the same time. Procrastination is such a jerk, am I right? It is a REAL THING and remains UNDEFEATED CHAMPION IN THE RING.

The final verse acknowledges the poem's flaws, which is kind of an interesting idea, in all honesty. It also introduces a new idea. It can be dangerous having a lot of ideas in one poem if they don't all connect in some way, which could be a crutch in this piece. An unfortunate one, too! It could be fun to also explore writing a poem that acknowledges its own flaws!

Anyhow, I enjoyed the read, and clearly you enjoyed the write! It's a fun poem, and I'm glad to see you have visited again! :D

Keep writing!!

Jabber, the One and Only!






Thank you!! :D




"It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be."
— Albus Dumbledore