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chapter one of melody and the earth binding ring

by Sunflowerdemon3712


So I don't know how to start writing my story. It's so hard to tell but they told me I should give it a shot. Hi, I’m Melody Right and I'm going to tell you a story, my story that is. So this is the story of how my life was turned from normal into something like in the movies you watch on TV. As far as I had known I was like everyone else, normal pretty boring life nothing special, except little did I know my life would be changed in a matter of minutes because I was not normal and definitely not boring. And sometimes that isn't a good thing but other times it is. What you will hear is crazy and you can choose whether or not you want to believe me or think it’s just a story, but just know that everything I tell you actually happened. I hope to tell you all my whole story but who knows what could happen.

Ok then here it goes. I first thought something was wrong on the last day of school. I was sitting in class it was a minute till the bell, and everyone, even the teacher most likely ,was staring at the clock. Then the clock hit three thirty and the bell rang. All the car riders and walkers got up and ran out of the room even if the teacher told us not to. It was finally summer break time for freedom and care free time for fun things like hiking and swimming or at least that's what I had thought at the time. I ran through the hall and out the door of the school. When I get outside I slide down the railing of the school. I wait on the corner for all my friends to come. Lily was the first to show. 

“Hey Melody how are you hon?" she give one of her rare smiles.

"I am doing fantastic!" I grin. 

"Um...I actually need to tell you something.” She was cut off by Jonathan yelling. He has been one of my best friends since I was like two are parents were friends so be ended up getting along as well. He's tall and super klumsy. His hair is curly and tar black his skin the color of espresso and chocolate brown eyes. as he was running towards us he tripped over his foot. I was pretty sure he could trip over air if he tried.

“It’s summertime and next fall we will be in eighth grade last year of middle school you know!” he says standing up.

“Hey guys and Jonathan stop yelling.” It was Nina. We hadn’t noticed Nina because she had been behind Jonathan who was about a foot taller then her. She was small and quiet with tree brown hair, ivory skin and wood brown eyes. Jonathan was the opposite of her loud and tall, which is probably why they were friends opposites Attract after all.

“So do you guys have any plans for the summer?” He asks brushing himself off.

“No just a calm peaceful summer full of pool time probably some hiking and if i'm lucky my dad will finally follow up on that beach visit he promised five years ago!” I laugh.

“Well i’m going to Florida for most of the summer so i'm not going to be here for most of that.” Nina tells us.

“Enjoy your time down there and take pictures I wanna see!” I smile.

“Let's hope the plan’s don’t get spoiled by monsters.” Nina says laughing. It was an inside joke because one summer Jonathan saw a log in the local swimming pool and thought it was a monster and wouldn’t go to that pool for the rest of the summer.

“I was five!” Jonathan says rolling his eyes smiling.

“Don’t worry no monsters.” I say laughing. I looked up while tilting my head back to laugh but I could have sworn I saw a man on the roof of the school. but I blinked and he was gone. I ignored it because I thought it was just my imagination or a trick of the light but little did I know that it was not my imagination. And if I had said something I might have avoided almost dying.

About a week later I woke up to my alarm clock going off. It was summer break but even if it was summer break I was up early so that I could meet Lily at the park later. My mom says that I wake up with the sun because like today even though it was early I was ready to go and start the day. I stretched my arms and crawled to my window. I opened my curtains and light poured in through the window and lights up my room with a familiar warmth. I sit there and soak up the sun giving myself a moment to wake up but then after opening my curtains I crawl over to my bed ladder and I start down. I walk over and turn off my radio. As soon as I walked away it started to play again so I turned it off again all of a sentence sudden my radio turned on again! This time I leave it on not wanting to deal with it yet. Sometimes weird things like this happen to me like I'll walk past a radio and it will start to play at random, a light will turn on or get brighter when I'm happy or a water fountain will start spewing water but I just thought they were all coincidences nothing serious. Then I decided to save the trouble and turn it off to turn it off so go and I turn it off then go and open my closet. As I look for clothes my radio starts to play again! "What is up with that thing today?" I think to myself. I picked out a yellow tank top with butterfly's and some cheesy quote on it and a pair of black leggings.Then I got my favorite pair of running shoes that were bright yellow and pink. Of course last but certainly not least, I put on my charm necklace that had a charm for all my favorite books or series. Soon I would be adding more charms to represent more books I have read so many because books bring magic. Unfortunately the real world did not have much of that which sucked because imagine how much more fun the world would be with magic. Finally I go and turn off my radio for the millionth time and head down the stairs to the kitchen.

Finally it stays off, I think to myself. When I went downstairs to my kitchen my mom greeted me with a sleepy smile. She had dark golden brown hair ,sun kissed skin and stunning midnight purple eyes that a lot of people said were just brown,I didn't understand this because they were such a shocking purple you could tell they were not brown. I could see the bags under her eyes. She must have been called into work a late shift. My dad was still in Texas for business soI wasn't going to talk to him till he got back. “Hey Melody sweetey why do you keep turning your radio on and off?” She asks kindly.

“Well it just kept turning on when I walked by. I don't know?” I tell her truthfully.

“Well, we don't know what to make the neighbor mad or something like that so try to stop it.” she says jokingly.

“What's so bad about it I mean it's just music.” I say sarcastically.

“Nothing’s wrong pumpkin just I want you to be safe,” She says.

“What do you mean to be safe from the neighbors?” I say with a questioning laugh.

“By the way your breakfast is on the table.” she says obviously avoiding the topic. “I'm going to sleep, call or text me if anything happens.” She kisses me on top of my head then walks away to the stairs leaving me to my thoughts. I walk over to the table where my food lay. she had fixed some cereal and made some a little burned bacon. I sat at the table, thinking about what she said about staying safe. Was she really that worried that the neighbors will be that mad. l know she was over protective of me but why would she be worried about something like a radio turning on and off. I thought about how this year I aged out of my old summer camp and how much I would miss the friends I made there. But that's ok I thought. But now I can have my friends from school over any time that I want. My phone pulls me from my thoughts. My phone was beeping like crazy and it was Lily she was asking where I was.

“Darn, I totally spaced out!” I mumble to myself. She had been waiting for me at the park for ten minutes. I texted her back that I was coming soon. I put my dishes in the sink and grabbed my earbuds and small bag shoving the ear buds and my phone in the bag. I got my dog into her cage and ran down the stairs as quietly as possible, so I didn't wake my mom. I rush out the door closing it behind me and start running, not wanting to waste any more time.

My feet hit the pavement as I ran to the park. All the houses on the street are similar but everyone adds their own touch, some decorating with flowers or lawn gnomes or maybe just a simple wreath on the door it was all quite sweet. As I enter the park I come to a slower pace. I see the trees blooming with pink flowers and the birds start to chirp a sweet Melody as I hummed along. “Wow the birds are very talkative now” Lily laughs as she comes into view.

“Well I guess they just like me” I say rolling my eyes.

She looks at me and says “I'm pretty sure that they just wanted to sing with you. You should sing something you're really good at, you know.” She says suggestively. People tell me I have a pretty voice but I don’t want to make it seem like I'm self centered so I don’t usually tell people I can sing or sing in front of people very often. But I sang a small bit since it was Lily and she was my closest friend and I trusted her not to laugh at me or anything. When I stop she claps. “Wow that was incredible as always! But that’s not why we’re here.” She tells me. I raise my eyebrow. “What are you doing this summer?” She asks. but before I can even tell her she keeps going “Well I'm going to a special summer camp, I'm sorry I won't be here this summer.” She says. I take a long look at her.

She doesn't seem like the kind of person that would go to summer camp, I thought. She had long chocolate brown hair that she was very keen on not getting dirty and pale skin that burns easily she also has told me before that she doesn't like camping or things like that. “What is the camp for?” I ask.

“Well, hey, want to walk around the park?” She says, obviously trying to change the topic. Why was everyone avoiding certain topics today I didn't know. Then we stroll around the park talking about the odds and ends until something catches my eye. It's a man he is dressed kinda fancy for being at a park. He was wearing a tan suit and matching top hat which you did not see in this neighborhood that much because all fancy people lived in the city that's not far from here unless he was going to a party. He looked normal from the neck down but then you saw his face! It is an odd shape like he half melted and had scars all over it and instead of eyes he had green fire in their place! It was pure horrifying.

“Lily what is that thing?!” I yell in a whisper. She turns around and let's out a yelp then covers her mouth.

“No! No no I thought they wouldn't find you,” She says hitting her forehead.

“What do you mean I thought they wouldn't find you," she just keeps mumbling "Lily answer me!'' She only mumbled something I couldn't hear.“What are you talking about you're scaring me!” I say to her urgently.

“Melody text your mom now!” She yells. Lily never yells, so I immediately pull out my phone.“They found us and we have to go to the camp. For your safety don’t call,” She says as she starts to run.


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Sun Jan 24, 2021 9:23 pm
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Stormblessed242 wrote a review...



Hello, Stormblessed here!
This was a great start to what I think will be a great story!
Except for a few things that I'm going to point out and (hopefully) help you with, this story was very enjoyable.

The main thing I noticed was your sentence structure. A lot of your sentences are run-on, which mean that they should be broken up into smaller sentences, or you need to add more commas. Here's an example from your story of a part that needs a bit of work in this area.

About a week later I woke up to my alarm clock going off. It was summer break but even if it was summer break I was up early so that I could meet Lily at the park later. My mom says that I wake up with the sun because like today even though it was early I was ready to go and start the day. I stretched my arms and crawled to my window. I opened my curtains and light poured in through the window and lights up my room with a familiar warmth. I sit there and soak up the sun giving myself a moment to wake up but then after opening my curtains I crawl over to my bed ladder and I start down. I walk over and turn off my radio. As soon as I walked away it started to play again so I turned it off again all of a sudene my radio turned on again! this time I leave it on not wanting to deal with it yet. Sometimes weird things like this happen to me like I'll walk past a radio and it will start to play at random, a light will turn on or get brighter when I'm happy or a water fountain will start spewing water but I just thought they were all coincidences nothing serious. Then I decided to save the trouble and turn it off to turn it off so go and I turn it off then go and open my closet. As I look for clothes my radio starts to play again! "What is up with that thing today?" I think to myself. I picked out a yellow tank top with butterfly's and some cheesy quote on it and a pair of black leggings. Then I got my favorite pair of running shoes that were bright yellow and pink. Of course last but certainly not least, I put on my charm necklace that had a charm for all my favorite books or series. Soon I would be adding more charms to represent more books I have read so many because books bring magic. Unfortunately the real world did not have much of that which sucked because imagen how much more fun the world would be with magic.

Alright, so that's a really long example, but I would suggest that you try and read it out loud, saying it in the way that it's written.
What would probably help you more than me trying to explain the use of commas is this post from Grammarly. They explain how to use commas properly, so hopefully it helps you in the future!
The words in bold in the example I gave are a few other minor errors that I'll correct.
"sudene-" I think you meant "sudden" here.
"this-" Since that "this" is at the beginning of a sentence, the first letter should be capitalized. There are a few other places where this happened, but I won't get nitpicky. Just keep in mind that if it's at the beginning pf a sentence, someone's name, or the word "I" or "I'm," the first letter should be capitalized
"imagen-" I think you meant "imagine," here.


There are probably a few other errors along these lines, but if you give a close re-read of this story, you'll find them.

Other than those, everything else will come with practice! Your descriptions are very nice, like Haileyg21 said below. They gave me a better feel for the stories, and the characters.

Anyways, great job, and I hope to read the next chapter soon!
Hope this helped!
Stormblessed242






thank you very much this was helpful I love writing but I am a garbage speller and the 'this' I didn't capitalize was not done purposely so thank you for pointing it out anyway thank you for the suggestions andI hope you have a great day! :)



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Fri Jan 22, 2021 12:27 pm
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Haileyg21 wrote a review...



Hiyo! Hailey here to review this piece.
Oh my lord I love this. The picture that was painted in my head was amazing. The way you made it flow was nice too.
"He looked normal from the neck down but then you saw his face! It is an odd shape like he half melted and had scars all over it and instead of eyes he had green fire in their place! It was pure horrifying."
This had to be the part that I could picture the most. I loved it. Its worded beautifully. So thank you writer for writing this Amazing piece and sharing it with Our community. This was incredible, And Beautiful so thanks.




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Fri Jan 22, 2021 3:23 am



I would love feed back if anyone has any new chapter coming as soon as I can get it out.





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