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140,138 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Okay, aqua here to review.
Keep thinking about the length of your poem because readers might not be that interested in it.
I liked the cleanliness of the poem and you stuck to the point. That was good. But why not go deeper? Just a bit of advice.
That last bit:
"If I were to shout
and jump off a ledge,
I wouldn't make noise.
I wouldn't be dead."
Those last two lines are kind of confusing. Okay, you jumped off the ledge, shouting. Then you WOULDN'T MAKE NOISE AND WOULDN'T BE DEAD.
Are you thinking maybe that to satisfy karma, it would make you soundless while trapped in an unbearable position under that ledge, so that people won't hear and help you? Is that it?
Overal, it's a nice piece but you could extend it a little more...
Hey U hope my review helps!
First of all what?
What are you trying to say? The poem confused me. By the way I currently have a migrane and this just increased it!
I love the 2nd stanza, it shows promise, a lot of promise.