I kept chatting for a while. Wes (WD40) didn't have much to say, so he logged out. The rest of the session went something like this.
Monica: So what's up? Feeling better?
Me: I'm fine, thanks.
Sara: Heard you were out for 3 hours. What happened?
Me: Idk. I got this massive headache all of a sudden.
Sara: ouch.
Monica: no kidding.
Kel132 has entered.
Me: Hi kel.
Kel132: what up brother?
Me: Not much.
You get the idea. I finally logged out and headed to dinner. There are some perks to living here.
As usual, the meal was excellent. Wes made small talk, while I pretended I wasn't listening.
Then he dropped the bomb. "I hear Monica is gonna talk to her folks about boarding. Sounds like a good idea to me."
"Really? That's great!"
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter AF chapterPoints:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
First, this is very short for a chapter. You could combine the 3&4 to make one chapter, and just put the persons name when its from their perspective.
ex. Swirl
I sat at my computer and posted my review.
Kyte
I logged into YWS and saw that Swirl had posted on my story.
get it?
ok also,
it feels like the protaganist is talking to the readers. none of the other chapters had it this way (not that i remember anyway) so you shouldnt change the context of how the story is being told.
you should also tell us how ben feels about monica boarding
PM me with ?/comments
now that i have read chapters 1-3, this makes more sense.
i like the chat room set up. its different. i wish this chapter had more in it. you have my interest going, and now i have to wait for the next chapter. lol
great job, please let me know when you post the next chapter. i would love to read it.
kim
Hmmm... We don't have very many details to go off of. The hit of her going to boarding school doesn't really hit us because of it.
Oh, what is Monica feeling and thinking throughout all this? We need to be in her head more
That's all I can see.
:D:D:D:D