I didn't see much of Ben that day. He was resting, the nurse said. and I should leave him alone.
My foster parents, as usual, didn't even notice when I walked in the door. They really are kind people, when they notice me. Right now, though, I didn't want to face them. There silence suited me fine.
Once in my room, I pulled a leather thong out of my jacket. On it was a single white feather.
Mom had given this to me. She'd said it was from an angel, and I'd believed her. Now I just thought of it as a link to my mother.
"Monica, dear?" It was my foster mother. I quickly slipped the feather back into my shirt and called out, "Come in!"
Her face looked worn, tired somehow. "Did everything go ok at school?" she asked.
"Fine," I replied. "I made some new friends."
She beamed, all the care and age seeming to fall from her. "That's good."
I nodded. There really wasn't much to say. I mean, was I supposed to blurt out, "This kid got sick today?"
She seemed to understand. With another smile, she slipped out of my room.
I took off my backpack and sighed. No homework tonight, so that was good.
On an impulse, I sat in front of the shiny new computer my folks had given me. I didn't know how to use it well, but any fool can surf the net.
I'd heard about a social site from some of the girls at school, so I typed in the address. The machine whirred and showed a blue screen with four options. I chose Register.
Username:
Password:
Confirm Password:
I punched in a name and sat chewing my lip. What should my password be?
Then I had it: cherub. It was a type of angel I'd heard about, and nobody would guess.
Welcome! You have been registered.
Below that were more options; Chat, Blog, My Page and Forum.
I clicked on Chat.
Ben: Howdy, new girl.
Wow. Ben was here too? I typed in a reply. "Good to see you, Ben."
"Sure is," he typed back. "I'll introduce you to the others."
There was Sara, an exchange student, Kirk, a boy from Germany, and a host of others. I did my best to remember them all.
Sara: So how's life?
Monica232: Not bad. I get along.
Ben: And I help her.
I grinned and typed, "Yeah right."
Wes has signed on.
I typed in "Hi Wes" and got a cheerful "What's up?" This was fun!
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Angel's Feather ch.4Points:
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Canary word: Present
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I thought that Ben wanted to see her, so why did she not see him much?
just grammatically-I mean, was I supposed to blurt out, "This kid got sick today?" the question should be outside the quotations
I agree with SeraphTree about people not using their real names as user names. Although I think Swirl Antara would be pretty cool. A way you could alter this is so that it's a school website and noone from out of thei school can join, or have a couple people that she's already met (like Ben) add her as friends and tell her who they are. She would then recognize their user names.
I like it!
PM me with any questions/comments!
i can see your writing changing, getting more discriptive. as i am reading the chapters one by one.
the feather intrigues me, i like how you added mystery, and a sense of getting to know the characters.
most foster parents are made to be bad, its nice you changed that.
this is getting very good.
kim
It's a little confusing.
:(:( I suggest you change the word 'thong' to strap or cord, or something similar.
Once in my room, I pulled a leather thong out of my jacket. On it was a single white feather.
I know what you mean with this, but other people could get a very VERY wrong idea.
I punched in a name and sat chewing my lip
You should clarify here. I know she's Monica232 later, but it makes the conversation between people a little confusing.
Ben: Howdy, new girl.
Wow. Ben was here too? I typed in a reply. "Good to see you, Ben."
"Sure is," he typed back. "I'll introduce you to the others."
There was Sara, an exchange student, Kirk, a boy from Germany, and a host of others. I did my best to remember them all.
Sara: So how's life?
Monica232: Not bad. I get along.
Ben: And I help her.
I grinned and typed, "Yeah right."
Wes has signed on.
I typed in "Hi Wes" and got a cheerful "What's up?" This was fun!
Unless she know's their usernames, she probably wouldn't know their name. Also, who in the world uses their actual names as usernames?? I assure you, my real name is not SeraphTree
Hm. It's an interesting story. I'm curious about Monica, and what the feather actually is... bom BOM!!!!!
I understand that Monica is not feeling crazy about this situation, but we need her to show that more. Some thought bubbles and some unconcious habits uh, like she bite's her nails or taps her foot...
In this piece, she is the main character, but without some thoughts and such.. it is very hard to feel for her.
If you need any help, PM me, and I'll do my best. Keep writing. Interesting story