Young Writers Society

Hi there @Spilledink I am here to do a review on you work so fist things first.
What I like
All I can say is sorry. I think of this word sorry a lot in my live

What needs work
It really hurts when you hit me. it dose hurt when people hit you but maybe you did something to deserve it, or maybe you are very sensitive to what you feel.
It really hurts when you hate me. it dose hurt when people hate you but you must be doing something wrong are maybe you annoying at times.
The sting of my cheeks burns. this can be coursed also from being in the sun to much the sun can bern you.
have to be hidden. I am going to try to help you make this sen tins a bit better.
It really hurts when you hit me. this is the second time you have yoused this sen sen tins try to find a different way of saying this
Suggestions
1 for: have to be hidden. I have to be hidden from you other wise you hurt me even more. so that is all that I can say, so keep up on the good work. HAPPY REVIEW DAY.

@EagleFly out to seek and kill

Hewo Spilledink, I'm Jade. I really liked your poem and all its raw emotion. It made me hurt so much and it made me visualize this whole thing. I'm scared to ask where the insparation for this came from but I really liked it.

There isn't much I can actually criticize on because I don't really know.

Keep writing!

This is very good.

I really love the raw emotions, great job

Hello Spilledink. I am writing you a wonderful review!!
I'm not sure how this really goes but, I will try my best for a starter!

Okie...

I love how deep your writing is and I have felt your pain before and still do. I honestly have and do feel the same way. It's heartbreaking to see the pain that people do to other people. It's not just words anymore it's actions. At home I felt worthless constantly being yelled at for not being good enough. I still get bullied for the flaws that slip out when I try to let down my wall. I forget that the world is cruel, so I make sure that i don't hurt anyone or do anything to upset them in any way. I understand your hurt, my mom and father(s) were abusive, mentally and physically. I won't be able to ever forgive them for taking my childhood.

I just want to make sure that your not alone.

Hello, Spilledink. I am here to provide you a review. Let’s get started, shall we?

Note: I can’t tell if this happened to you in real life, or you understand someone’s pain in that way so I am going to provide just my insight on the matter instead on what needs improving.

As for the situation itself, it’s heartbreaking to see anyone in that predicament, whether if it’s romantic or family. I have never been abused by a significant other before, but I have seen it. My mother has been in that situation years ago, which I didn’t understand why she stayed with the person, but it must be out of fear. Physical and emotional pain is not right from both parties. It doesn’t have to be the man who is the wrong, but women too. Woman can cause physical and emotional pain just as bad and it needs to stop. I do not understand why some people want to do that to others, but it’s not right.

In the end, I do connect with your poem on a personal level because I have been there. I have seen it. I will let you know that if you are in that predicament at this moment, do your hardest to get out of it. Or if you have been in that situation, me and everyone else here on the site are here for you, to support you for whatever you may need to recover. Hope this insight helps a bit. Keep up the great work. Keep writing and enjoy the rest of your day.

- Kanome

Please feel free to ignore any suggestion deemed unhelpful.


This poem is really heartrending! It is really lamentable when one human has the need and feels entitled to physically assault another in that way. It is also pitiful to hear a person accept the treatment in such a docile way instead of leaving or fighting back. On the other hand we aren’t told what the circumstances are. Is the person a prisoner n some cell in some prison? Is this a sadist masochist relationship where one derives pleasure from inflicting pain while the other derives pleasure from experiencing it? Saying that it hurts and doing nothing but staying around can insinuate many things. Is this an adolescent in a child abuse situation? In any case a swift call to 911 would get the proper authorities involved.

If the poem’s purpose was to elicit empathy and compassion and cncert as well a righteous indignation then it succeeded with me.

Suggestions

The following suggestions are to improve flow and readability.


It really hurts when you hit me[.]

It really hurts when you hate me.

You say you didn’t mean it,

[b]ut yet you continue.

You say you do care,

[e]ven when you inflict the pain.

The hitting really hurts[.]

[T]he sting of my cheeks [burns.]


[T]he marks on my wrists

[h]ave to be hidden.

My bruises are covered by long clothes

[b]ut the tears can[’]t be stifled.

I can[’]t fight back or plea [for] you to stop

[b]ecause I know you’ll just hit me [again].

All I can say is sorry[.]

All I can do is to admit anything

[a]nd confess to what you want me to.

It really hurts when you hit me.

It really burns when you hate me.