My darling, why do you cry?
My darling why must you fill your eyes with tears?
I love you
You love me more,
So why do you hate me?
Darling, why do you leave your rose to die?
Our love can bear beautiful flowers,
But you just leave them to wither.
The tulip of our bodies joined together
Can shield us from reality,
So why then do you try to break away?
Darling, the sun lights up our world,
But you try to block it out with the moon.
Our happiness seems to be torn into pieces
Yet you make no move to bring them back together.
Darling, I love you,
Darling I thought you loved me,
But no I see you don't now,
You love another.
Who's flower is prettiest
Who's face is brightest,
Who's love is the mightiest.
Goodbye, my sweet darling
I shall never forget you,
But please, don't break his heart as you have mine
For it's much too much across the line.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,007 Literary Works • 672,819 Reviews
Hey Corrupted Arrow here with a review!
(The Comma Police is here! Anything I say here is just constructive criticism. If I offend you in any way, I apologize in advance.(I will try to be humorous.)
"The tulip of our bodies joined together,
Can shield us from reality,
So why then do you try to break away?" There shouldn't be a comma after 'together'.
"Darling, I love you,
Darling, I thought you loved me,
But no, I see you don't now,
You love another,
Who's flower is prettiest
Who's face is brightest,
Who's love is the mightiest." The comma train has left the station at an alarming speed. There should be a period at the end of 'another'. There shouldn't be a comma after 'you', the second 'darling' and 'no'.
"Goodbye, my sweet darling,
I shall never forget you,
But please, don't break his heart as you have mine,
For it's much too much across the line." There shouldn't be a comma after 'darling and there should be a period after 'you'. There shouldn't be a comma after 'mine'.
From what I can see you don't have any more grammar and/or comma mistakes. Keep up the writing, have a good day.
Hello. Kanome here with a review for you.
NITPICKS:
There needs to be commas after the words 'darling'.
Same thing, comma after the word 'darling'.
Comma after the word 'darling'.
Commas after the words 'darling'.
There needs to be a comma after the word 'goodbye'.
IMPROVEMENT:
You just have to make sure that when you write poems, to put the right comma placement in them.
OVERALL:
Overall, this was such an amazing read. The poem flows and I love the use of words in the poem. Keep up the great work! Keep writing!