(sorry it's so short, I've been super busy with school and other activities so I haven't been posting on here but I'm gonna try and slip on here during my few spare minutes.)
{sweet slumber of a bunny who fell asleep on my lap}
Little breaths escape the furry mouth;
her back heaves with every inhale,
while fluffy ears point to the south.
Whiskers stand slim and silent,
while the little pink lips of soft fur,
guard the pearly teeth of white compliant.
Never before has such an animal slept,
with paws softly placed on the rug
so beautifully content.
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139,757 Literary Works • 672,706 Reviews
Hello! I really liked your poem! It was very cute. I'm assuming that you or someone you know has a rabbit (If not, please correct me), and it seems that you are a very good observer!
However, I do have a problem with one line, if it means that the rabbit is releasing small puffs of breath instead of large ones.
"Little breath escapes the furry mouth"
"Breaths" and "escape" could've been used.
So,
"Little breaths escape the furry mouth"
Anyways, I love the detail of the poem!
Thank you! Yes, it's actually my bunny
And thank you for the critic! I'll fix that!
I love how you made such a meaningful poem out of something so simple. I have no corrections to make, and I'm pretty sure I'm the most critcy person you'll ever met, lol. My favorite lines were
Whiskers stand slim and silent,
while the little pink lips of soft fur,
guard the pearly teeth of white compliant.
You captured this great creature, so beautifully! Great job!!!
Aw thank you so much!