A Question

Heya! I am going to review this! This would be my 10TH review, yeah!!

So, I go stanza to stanza.

First Stanza:

I think this "And dance like golden maidens in the frost," should be changed to this: "And dancing golden maidens in the frost," I recommend this because "dance like" did not work with what you had written the line before. -- So the whole stanza was in my opinion amazing. I really loved it. It's so pretty. I was picturing the leaves twirling, and the golden maidens in the frost. For some reason it just captivated me and it touched me. Honestly, I really like it. I wonder what your inspiration was for this, you should keep it up!

Second Stanza: My edits/revisions:

"Just tell me, can you get back on your feet?
And patch them up with duct tape and your dreams?
And walk off when your(probably a typo) cheeks are filled with heat?
To find something that’s truly as it seems?" -- I think that this should be filled with question marks as they all are independent questions and it is also a different visual aesthetic that is not commonly seen in poetry (possibly? at least not for me. ) So, I just loved this as well, and I think it works a lot better with the question marks.

Third Stanza: My edits/revisions:

"Can you ignore the small festering doubt,
That, as a ghost haunts the back of your mind,
And you close your eyes to all those who would,
Shout at you to give up, and leave dreams behind?" -- This is so beautiful! It's bringing tears to my eyes. Literally. I really want to read this to people who are thinking of giving up and stuff. I think this is so inspirational!

I would suggest you change the last two lines to:
"Only forgotten reams have withered and died,
And giving up, is like you never tried." -- This in my opinion would be the perfect ending for the beautiful, beautiful poem of encouragement and dreaminess.

So overall, this is the best poem I have read all day, in my opinion. It is simple, yet so deep, I don't know, but from the moment I started reading I had a connection, and that is incredibly special. I would really like to write poems with you, I mean I think you're a hidden gem around here haha.

Great Job!!

-- Keep your dreams alive!

Ok so I'll be writing this as I read.

There is a constant rhyme scheme of ABaB which made it wast to read and flowy. Beautiful imagery in the first stanza... Ok all of the stanzas. Ok so in the second stanza this was probably just a typo but you r should be your. Ok so the last stanza is short, but by far the most powerful in the poem. Congrats on a great poem an jeep up the good work.






~MindBlown

Hello here is a Jordin with a review that I hope can help.

OK this here had a very pleasing effect upon me until you used the duct tape.

Really good work I really really liked the hole thing and you spelling and grammar was awesome too.

Good work I hope you had a good Easter.

Keep wring and good luck.

~Jon~

Hey, demtry here to review you! First off, I really enjoyed reading your poem. Your rhyme scheme is really nice and the flow is great
The only line I have a problem with is in the first stanza, "And all the things you worked for now seem lost," the word "now" seems a bit forced.
Also, maybe replace the commas in line 5 with a hyphen.
And a small typo in line 7 "you r" to "you're."
Besides for that, lovely poem and I absolutely love the second to last stanza - really powerful!
Keep writing

You don't need the line breaks to split it into quatrains and a couplet. It is Shakespearean sonnet form, five iambs a line, ababcdcdefefgg, you worked hard to get it there. Do not be ashamed of your sonnety goodness.