Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
At the tender age of 5 years old, Sirrah Keyarra Torielle Winters is adopted by a wealthy, military family. At first, it is a dream come true for Sirrah. She had everything she could ever ask for. Until her peers start ridiculing her. Sirrah does her best to ignore them and continues to lean on her family for love and support. However, as Sirrah becomes a teenager, she wishes she never was adopted.
Different from her family, her melanin skin made her stand out. She feels like she'll never fit in and begins to wonders if the woman who gave her up looks like her.
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,797 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well...this is off to a very interesting start here, its a pretty short piece here but it definitely manages to convey the overall premise of what's about to go down pretty well. I have a feeling this is intended to be a sort of synopsis here rather than anything else judging by the way its written and as far as those go, this one definitely manages to do a pretty awesome job here so far. You can see the sort of general backstory of our main character, and sort of how they get to the situation they are in when the story happens and well, that couples very nicely with the way that you establish the main conflict there with how this person gets discriminated by their peers and despite the family continuing to be very supportive and helpful, its starting to effect them.
At any rate, this looks like it could be a really meaningful story if its done right to show how situations like this can really affect folks cause this is definitely something that happens in real life more often that most people would imagine. At any rate...seems like quite a start here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Heya, Soulfulwriter!!
Here I am back, with a review brought to you!!
It is written very well. The name, "Sirrah" is really sweet. I like how you have introduced the characters to the readers here. I like the chapter very much!
Littlee-littlee nit picky thingy, though:
It would be better if you remove about here.
I think, writing who has the same color as her daughter or who resembles the color of his daughter would be more correct here.
Whom would be incorrect.
it should be the. Well, may be you could remove the color part from this sentence. You have described this already.
Rest, it was all written beautifully. Your style of writing, as I have already said in my pevious review to your work, "Country life", amazes me and influences me. Wonderful!!
You have a real art of writing and describing the things.
I liked the choice of set of the words you have used here.
Wanna read more...
Keep writing...
Never Cease...
Because we all love to keep reading such AWESOME works like this one!
Have a gret day/evening!
And...
HAPPY REVIEW DAY!
Hello Soulful! Flite here for a review!
Before I start getti into the technical aspects of this review, I just want to say a few comments. It's rare to come across works like this on YWS, works that dare to challenge society's issues such as racism in a fictional setting. So, kudo points for just getting out there and writing this. Second of all, I love the content of this story as well as the background, the character herself is quite relateable and the emotions are strongly presented. If you plan on writing anymore on this, give me a yell when you do, because I will love to read on.
Anyways, I will get onto my review. Your chapter is quite short for a chapter, now chapter lengths are of course, dependable on how long the author wants it to be. But keep in mind that if you make it too short, you risk snipping off important parts and leaving the story undeveloped. Or too long, becoming dry and flat. You have a very light and succinct writing style, so nothing too redundant in this chapter quite the opposite, I felt that your chapter was too short. There isn't much insight into Sirrah, and the first chapter is basically where you lay the groundwork for future chapters to build on. So you really want to show us and establish Sirrah as a strong character right away.
For example, the scene you have chosen her where she receives racism in Maccas is a good one to shed some reall great insights into her via description. Though there isn't much of that present, we understand that Sirrah is obviously upset but we only see the surface. You need to dive in more and reveal more intimate feelings that belongs specifically to her. Put in some more context, to add to the story.
Where is she?
What town is this?
This obviously isn't the first time she's experienced racism due to her appearance, though I can't fathom why that's the case. Is it the local culture, or are they just a particular mean group of people? Those are some background details that I'd love to know about to support Sirrah's emotions.
The ending two paragraphs are pretty abrupt for an ending, we get a brief view on Alchemy and Sirrah's father but that's it, I would have liked to see more of where this is going. There's a lot of action going on here but not so much development, try and aim to do that more in your future chapters.
That being said, it's still a wonderful idea and you should definitely keep writing it! If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask me.
-Flite
That was deep. I know people who would say that to someone. In fact I have been in the same situation as Sirrah. Only about my personality. People believe that I'm weird. And I believed them for a long time. Finally, I accepted it. I was never going to be like the other girls at school. I needed to stop trying. So I did. I did find some grammerly mistakes though.
When she gets into the car you said "and placesthe"
Its supposed to be "and places the"
I also found "Military, teh"
It is supposed to be "Military, the"
Other than that I thought it was awesome! Keep it up!!!