THE FAIREST DAME

[quote="Kajal Lahiri"]This was the only unread Sohini work I found. Wonder why you have left it out of your book. This would have been a good one. [/quote]

GOSH!!! i completely forgot about this poem!!!!!!!

oh dear...i left it out and now i'll regret it forever.
how could I?

*regrets forever*

It was very good, but around the middle it seemed to lose some of its rhythm. Fix that and I think that this is a wonderful poem.

This was the only unread Sohini work I found. Wonder why you have left it out of your book. This would have been a good one. Some punctuation marks need to be changed.
Your skill lies in narrative poetry more than in any other writing forms.

thanks a lot

Your poem was really good but some words in some lines were not needed. The words in BOLD are the words i think should be taken out.

There she walked the fairest dame,
Everyone wanted to know her name.
A bright blue silken gown she wore,
Gracefully she walked from door to door.

She searched for someone who could play a game.
Who would win or lose but would never ever blame.
So she gave each door a polite little knock,
And asked for someone who’d play round the clock.

Boys of all ages would come and claim,
That they would gift her with pearls and a gem!
But the dame shook her head and said in a mock,
“I want a game, and not a silly coloured rock!”

Then came a boy all hurt and even lame,
And said that he knew the ‘bestest’ best game.
He offered her not pearls but a box of wooden blocks,
With which they built a house and two docks,

The dame was impressed; she loved her new toy,
So she thought of gifting the boy with everlasting joy.
Quickly she changed into a fairy with a golden mane!
Uttering magic words she took from the boy all his pain!

Then the boy stood upright without his cane!
He lifted his leg which was no longer lame!
He could hop like a bunny and run like a train,
He could jump in the puddles after a heavy rain.

The boy thanked the dame, who gave him a smile,
And he gave her his blocks the entire wooden pile,
The dame and fairy finally bid him goodbye.
She spread her blue wings and began to fly…

Apologies for not being picky while I read. It seems like most people don't follow grammatical rules, so when there's (finally) someone who expects us to pay attention to grammar, it's a shock.
The message I got:
The lowest of people can bring the mightiest of gifts.
(I think you knew you were giving that message, but oh well!) Thanks for clarifying everything though.

^ditto

I liked this poem alot, it reminds me of fairy tales.

I also agree about lines 9-10 not rhyming well.

No! Not English grammar! It's my worst subject! *dies*

Um... yeah.

Two lines didn't quite fit the rhyming scheme of things:

Boys of all ages would come and claim,
That they would gift her with pearls and a gem!

So, just be aware of that.

Other than that, pretty good.

Thanks a lot for praising my rhyming. It means a lot to me as I’ve got a terrible habit of writing in forced rhymes (like the one you’ve pointed out here).

Actually, I had no ‘message to be conveyed’ in mind when I was writing this!!! Anyway, if u have found a message then I must be quite a great poet-writing a message without really meaning to write one!!! By the way could u please tell me the message which you got!!

I hate to be rude but I think you should read this poem CAREFULLY once again:
Quickly she changed into a fairy with a golden mane!" Get my point??"

Now, let’s have a little English grammar class:
Have you done “agreement of the verb with the subject”?? it has a set of complicated but useful rules-take a look in your grammar book and you’ll get to learn a very essential aspect of English.
Now, when I say I mean one person because there’s only one article in front of them. Had I said “The dame and the fairy finally bid him goodbye” then I would be meaning two different people. I guess you better see a grammar book cuz I don’t think I’m explaining this properly. Let me give u another example:
The poet and novelist has arrived. Here, it means a single person who is both a poet and a novelist (like me!!) and thus I used a singular verb
The poet and the novelist have arrived. Here, there are 2 different people and thus the verb is also plural.

Thank you once again for reading and critiquing my work.

I really liked the message your poem sent and your rhyming. Usually i hate it when people ryhme, so good job! However, in the third stanza "claim" and "gem" don't ryhme. If there's any way you can fix that, it would help a lot. And in the last stanza this line bugged me:

The dame and fairy finally bid him goodbye.