[i]This is one of the shortest poems i have written for the last three years! Read on!
[/i]
The One-Way Ladder
There is a ladder,
an eternal one,
NO one knows
Where it had begun.
No one yet,
has reached the top,
Once you climb,
you cannot stop.
Up,up,up-
you cannot descend,
One step taken,
the last steps end.
The one-way ladder-
the Ladder of Time,
you are destined to climb it,
Until you fall.
[i]And believe it or not,i wrote this under three minutes! What do you think?[/i]
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140,572 Literary Works • 673,518 Reviews
thank you all.
thanks for the help, i need the 'Where it begun' line.
about the ending, i saw it that way MH did-with a much-needed un-rhymed BAM!
thanks for the punctuation correction, CL.
what a grand idea David Guinness-i'll do that!
Hah. This is cute. When you say Ladder of Time, though, I think that's just way too blatantly obvious and a waste of a line. Oh, and I think it should rhyme, too. OCD!
Glad to see you back, CL. I can't wait until I am.
A pretty good "power-poem", if you will. Like Cassandra said, theose hyphens you don't really need.
Perhaps you could put the last line in italics, or do something, just so that it hits the reader dead-on, makes a bigger impact.
Does NO have to be capitalized?
I'd change it to Where it began
Need that hyphen?
Again, need the hyphen at the end?
Eh. Not my favorite ending.
Nice job, though. I liked the way it flowed--very good. Like Wiggy said, not bad for under three minutes.
Great job! But I would recommend doing
And I kind of like the ending a little-I guess it depends on how you look at it.
Where it begun
instead of
Where it had begun
And the ending-I really think it needs to rhyme. All about rhythm man. I mean the poem is like la-la-la, and then BAM! It's not bad, but maybe you could make it rhyme? Pwetty please? *does puppy dog eyes*
Ach, but you're the writer and I'm the reader. There is a difference, isn't there?
Not bad for under 3 min.
I'm not too sure if I liked the ending or not, but I think it did suit your purposes.
This is pretty good. Could use some revisions, but I have no particular comments. I like the metephore, though. It's something that could be interpreted many different ways.
Very good
It seems like a metaphor for time itself...In fact, this poem sort of compliments my philosophical ramblings last night.
My only suggestions are:
Instead of-
Perhaps, "Where it began"-it just seems to flow better.
And-
Perhaps, "you can't descend"-again, it just flows better.
I actually kinda like the ending, very blunt.
BAM! Until you fall!
Mwahahaha. It's cool.
I think it flows very well, apart from the last line. It seems missplaced, maybe because it doesn't rhyme with anything else... But I'm not sure.