Young Writers Society

thank you all.

thanks for the help, i need the 'Where it begun' line.

about the ending, i saw it that way MH did-with a much-needed un-rhymed BAM!

thanks for the punctuation correction, CL.

what a grand idea David Guinness-i'll do that!

Hah. This is cute. When you say Ladder of Time, though, I think that's just way too blatantly obvious and a waste of a line. Oh, and I think it should rhyme, too. OCD!

Glad to see you back, CL. I can't wait until I am.

A pretty good "power-poem", if you will. Like Cassandra said, theose hyphens you don't really need.

Perhaps you could put the last line in italics, or do something, just so that it hits the reader dead-on, makes a bigger impact.

Sohini wrote:NO one knows

Where it had begun.

Up,up,up-

The one-way ladder-

Until you fall.

Great job! But I would recommend doing
Where it begun
instead of
Where it had begun

And the ending-I really think it needs to rhyme. All about rhythm man. I mean the poem is like la-la-la, and then BAM! It's not bad, but maybe you could make it rhyme? Pwetty please? *does puppy dog eyes*
Ach, but you're the writer and I'm the reader. There is a difference, isn't there? And I kind of like the ending a little-I guess it depends on how you look at it.
Not bad for under 3 min.

I'm not too sure if I liked the ending or not, but I think it did suit your purposes.

This is pretty good. Could use some revisions, but I have no particular comments. I like the metephore, though. It's something that could be interpreted many different ways.

Very good It seems like a metaphor for time itself...In fact, this poem sort of compliments my philosophical ramblings last night.

My only suggestions are:

Instead of-

Sohini wrote:Where it had begun.

Sohini wrote:you cannot descend

I actually kinda like the ending, very blunt.

BAM! Until you fall!

Mwahahaha. It's cool.

I think it flows very well, apart from the last line. It seems missplaced, maybe because it doesn't rhyme with anything else... But I'm not sure.