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Young Writers Society



She's Still Waiting

by Sohini


She’s Still Waiting

Suddenly I remember her—
She’s waiting fir me there,
With a smile on her face
And spiders in her hair.

All around and all over her
Are surely cakes of dust,
Thick grime and dirt as icing,
Dark brown cherries of rust.

Cobweb-laced her frock is now
It used to be so white,
Her golden locks are tangled,
Nothing about her is right.

She used to be my playmate,
My sister or child at to times;
More dear to me than crayons
Or books of silly ol’ rhymes.

Along with Kitty and Mr.Teddy,
No tea-party did she miss.
I urged my mum and never forgot
To give her a goodnight kiss.

All my secrets I let her know,
Even the ones unknown to Kitty.
She was my best friend, you see,
Silent, dainty and ever pretty.

By my bed she used to sleep,
On a lil’ cot of her own,
Now where she sleeps, I cannot guess,
She’s sad, forgotten and all alone.

In a dark dusty attic room,
Somewhere in this grim city,
She waits for the one who
Remembers her only out pity.

Polly, Betty—what was her name?
I cannot recall. Oh what shame!
Thank you dear, for all those days,
If it helps, I’m ready to take the blame…
Missing lashes and a plastic smile,
No one can feel her pain,
Abandoned for years and years,
Will she ever see me again?


* 8) *for the photograph illustrating this poem, see:
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/post270087.html#270087





Date: 12th November,2007.

**Not entirely satisfied with the title, any suggestions?


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User avatar
5 Reviews


Points: 1090
Reviews: 5

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Sat Nov 24, 2007 11:26 pm
Zombiemonkey wrote a review...



I'm so happy to have helped inspire you to write this ^_^

I don't know much about poetry to a critique it properly. Still, I find the poem to be very good ^_^

when reading the line mentioned by Twit, I got the exact same image.

other than that, I don't have much advice to give.

nice job! XD

oh, and by the way, the doll you photographed is really creepy O.O




User avatar
1176 Reviews


Points: 1979
Reviews: 1176

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Fri Nov 23, 2007 6:02 pm
Twit wrote a review...



I think the title's fine! :)

What I would considerr changing is the line:

Suddenly I remember her—
She’s waiting fir me there,
With a smile on her face
And spiders in her hair.


It's too, "I am the one hiding under your stairs. Fingers like snakes and spiders in my hair!" At least, to me it is. :roll:

And fir = for.

Otherwise, it was kinda nice. :)





'Hush, hush!' I whispered; 'people can have many cousins and of all sorts, Miss Cathy, without being any the worse for it; only they needn't keep their company, if they be disagreeable and bad.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights