Tomorrow
There is a place too far away,
A place where no one’s ever been,
As one day crawls towards its end,
The place is as near as an inch.
But when a new sun peeps out again,
The place is miles away.
Walk or run; or even fly,
You simply cannot go
Where mystery meets our dreams.
Although with time, it gets nearer,
With time, it’s actually
Far away.
I wonder what the place is like,
Is it a place at all? I think
It’s Eternity frozen in Time
Or it is that unexplained part
Of our lives, that teaches
Us to hope.
I hope someday, I’ll reach Tomorrow
Because, if I’m
A little late,
Tomorrow
Will become
Today.
Date: 9.11.2007
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I really like the concept of this poem. I do. The title 'Tomorrow' is what really caught me. The word represents a feeling of the forgetting of mistakes and leaving the past behind you. It represents the ambition of hope... which I desperately need right now.
Anyway, I would have used different words for some of the lines, though. I really can't go into detail, because I know not of your feelings and reasons behind this poem.
Also, I'm sorry, but it seemed a little forced. I can't really pinpoint what it is, but it just seems a little... bland to me. Maybe it's just because I should still be asleep (even though it's almost noon where I live!).
It's a good poem, it just needs some spicing up. More feeling, more emotion, I suppose. Why is tomorrow so promising? Why is it so far away? Speaking of which, you say 'far away' a lot with out actually describing the immenseness of time and space.
This last part really confused me...
Huh?
Anyway, I do like this poem. It has it's good qualities. This part I especially liked:
Great idea, great feelings. I think you're trying to express them as best you can, but don't quite know what to say. That happens to me with everything I write. I sometimes re-write a poem ten or twelve times before I finally get my feelings on paper in a way that truly expresses them. And sometimes it just doesn't happen and I set it aside for a while and come back to it.
But you are in no way obligated to take my advice if you feel I was not capturing the meaning of the poem. I understand fully.
May you be at peace with both tomorrow and today
CrewGurl