A True Writer

Hey Social,

This poem is an easy read, and I think the rhymes sort of help with that in that it sounds pleasing to the ear when read out loud -- it songs sing-songy, which sort of mismatches the tone of the piece itself, because there's a sort of tragedy here where you're writing about a speaker who only lives through their dreams/writing, because the rest of the world is a dark, suffocating place.

It's an interesting idea/portrayal of this, but I think it falls into this way of writing, where if you're wanting to evoke emotion, then there's a lot of emotion-tugging words, so words like: scream/shout/pain/tormented, these are words that are supposed to paint a picture of sadness and pity, emotion, etc. but the problem is that so many people use these words in over millions of different poems, that it sort of loses that effect.

Instead, readers tend to connect more with images and concrete, sensory language. It's the difference between saying that it's raining, and painting an experience in which the reader feels rained upon.

I hope this helps. Let me know if you need to chat this over or if you have any questions.

~ as always, Audy

Hi there, I'm June,

I can infer where you were trying to take this poem, but there are several things about it that I want to address.

• To begin, this is the sort of poem that people want to be able to relate to. However, I'm not sure that labeling the above described identity as a writer in the general sense is fair because there are plenty of writers who dwell in happiness and sunshine and choose to put their thoughts down onto paper! There's not much sad about that sort of person. I think what you want to describe instead is a person whose only escape from their world or predicament is a pen and paper, because being a survivor does not automatically grant you the liberty to call yourself a writer, nor does being a writer make you a survivor. Unless your characters jump off the page and wage a war, but I digress!

• I feel like this poem suffocated beneath its rhyme, dear. So many of us are taught in school that a poem should rhyme, and guess what? It doesn't have to! A poem is art, and can take on whatever form it likes, which, does include rhyme. But I always tell the writers I mentor to put meaning first, rhyme second, because you can rhyme on a dime anytime, but you won't always have the opportunity to deliver clarity. Read this poem aloud and think about each line and what it means to you-- if every stanza and every line were isolated from each other, would it still make sense?

• My last point to cover is the emotion in this poem. Clearly, you want to convey that the image of a person who has experienced trauma that only a page would understand, which is good and everything, but why? We've heard the story a million times before, why would we want to hear yours?

Use your words to show us that you deserve to be heard. Take this message and reconstruct it so that it speaks for itself and isn't muddled by filler sentences that reside within your poem to drive a rhyme-bus. No doubt, you have a story to share. Let us hear it.

June

Oh my god! I love this poem because it gives a rough description of me. There are so many lines I can imagine when I've felt that way especially the last stanza. I liked the one a lot.A beautiful piece! keep writing please!!!!!!

I can deeply relate to this.

nice poetry. may be it is u, inside the poem. but jokes apart, it's a very nice poem. writer's life is not that simple. he has to face a lot of highs and lows, sacrifices..etc then only he become a good writer. writers need is too simple i.e 'a deep emotional sensing'. in ur poem, u hv introduced a gothic face of writer. but now a days no writer use pen and paper, but u introduced 20th century time, when writers suffering from pain and misery. their writings are perfect examples of this.



overall, nice attempt, keep goin'

Hey there Social Suicide!

Nicley done. This is actually how I feel as a writer, like I'm trapped all other ways except when I'm writing.

"
And there isn't a single way out
No matter what they scream or shout
They know death is a weak man's game
And it would break their frail frame "

I think the last line of ^ should be changed to something else (I just gave a suggestion)

But I felt that the rest of the poem was really expressive and raw and I liked how it was so relatable! I really loved that.

Keep it up
~Kat