Alright so I know it’s been awhile since I posted an update with “Just Clowning Around” so below are the previous chapters and a short little recap.
Go check out these first few chapters for a little more context!
https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/SkyJayde/...
https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/SkyJayde/...
https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/SkyJayde/...
https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work.php?id=155678
And if you want, here's a little bonus chapter!
https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/SkyJayde/...
Quick Recap:
Ok so just quickly, here's a little recap of the story so far. As we know, Rei is a murderer who is known as The Happy Clown. He met with his brother to ask about his next victim, a man known as Arson Brooks. Now he’s at home and doing his thing. I know this isn’ a good recap but I was tired when I wrote this, so for more context please just read the chapters listed above. Thanks you.
I hope you enjoy!
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It was scary. He had never felt this way before. So, he quickly pulled out a picture of his father standing along side the one and only Arson Brooks. His heart was once again filled with hatred, loathing, and resentment. Without thinking he threw the picture at the wall with so much force that is shattered into a million little pieces upon impact.
He was hoping to feel remorse, sadness, or even a twinge of regret but to his dismay, he only felt satisfaction. He did try to justify this feeling by pointing out to himself that he had’t seen his father in years, so why should he sad? If anything he should be mad. Rei walked into his room feeling majorly depressed. He felt conflicted with whether or not to be sad, mad, or happy.
“I know! I’ll plan out my next attack. That always makes me feel better.” He said aloud.
It was funny, his voice never matched his face, even when he was young. His voice was a smooth as velvet and as sweet as honey but his face was cold while his eyes always had a crazed wild look in them. Which always terrified people. Even his own family…
Come on, Rei! You’re not supposed to be thinking of those…those…imbeciles. He thought as he scribbled in his notebook. He instead thought about how it always brought him joy to see the shock in his victims’ faces when they heard his voice before he killed them. It always brought a smile to his face.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hello again, my friend!
A surprisingly short chapter, but great for giving us some insight before something *mysterious* happens to Arson. How he's involved with Rei's family, who clearly, he has problems with. Especially his father. Rei wondering if he should be sad, mad, or happy (especially since he's not stable), really makes the reader wonder what his father was like. Maybe Rei should be sad to think of his father, because he misses him? Maybe Rei should be happy he's gone, because he was abusive? That in itself creates an interesting mystery. I would love to read more about what put him in this position.
It's also the first time we get a detailed explanation of Rei's face -specifically, his smile- and why he scares others off so easily. I feel like we could have used that, if not in the very first chapter, then when he enters the cafe and causes a ruckus.
As a minor suggestion, I would recommend you clarify that the photo Rei has is in a frame, because I was confused about how it shattered until it struck me that it was probably framed. Minor, like I said, but it'd be nice to help us picture things more clearly.
Also, instead of saying "he" so much in you're beginning paragraph, maybe clarify "Rei" first. Example: "REI had never felt this way before. So, he quickly pulled out a picture..."
Of course, this is my personal opinion, and I am not a professional. Nice chapter
Hello! Your last chapter was published a surprisingly long time ago, but I am so glad you are continuing your book! I sort of forgot what happened, so I had to re-read the end of the most recent chapter. It's nice to see that you're back though!
I think this is the shortest chapter in this book that you have written, but that's okay. There were a lot of important plot points in this chapter even though it was so short:
Now we have a little more context about this Arson Brooks person, and we also have been told a little bit about Rei's personality, and how he finds the warm feeling of being kind a little scary. And that his feelings changed quickly as soon as he saw that picture.
This might be the first time we have learned about what Rei thinks of his family. This is something that is important to introduce, both in terms of plot and also character.
Overall, I liked how you conveyed Rei's conflicted emotions after doing something good. You wrote it in an interesting way that helped us understand him better and create a new conflict, where he doesn't like the feeling of being good.
Here's something I noticed though,
You didn't really tell us that the picture was in a photo frame, and I just assumed it was piece of paper when I first read, so when it shattered to pieces I was little confused.
And lastly, I think your chapters could be a little longer, but I understand that you probably don't have a lot of time to write them, so that's okay. Pace of a novel is a tricky thing to figure out, and I'm personally having some trouble with the pace of my novel, so don't worry about that.
And that's it! I hope this review was helpful. I look forward to reading more of this series if you choose to continue it. If not, that's okay! But remember...
Happy Writing!
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we start with the spooky S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Rei misses his family, but doesn’t like that he does. So instead, he thinks of killing his next victim.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - There’s only one thing. “Only” doesn’t have an L in it, but that’s just a little thing.
Chocolate Bar - I like how this chapter was a little bit different than the others. He had different emotions surrounding his father and maybe, deep down, he wanted things to be right. I also like how you described his voice being different from his face, that just makes me like Rei even more! :>
Closing Graham Cracker - A nice quick read into Rei’s mind and how he tries to run away from his problems as the murderous “Happy Clown”. I enjoyed reading this and I can’t wait for the next chapter. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll read it.
I wish you a beautiful day/night!
Thanks for reading it! I%u2019m glad you enjoyed it! I also appreciated you pointing out my spelling error, I just fixed it. I appreciate the feedback and will probably be posting another chapter (hopefully longer than this one) by the end of next week (at the last)! I hope you have a splendid day/evening/night!
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