See the Demon

by SPAuthor

Published April 3, 2012

In Poems

I sware,
My eyes aren't usually
So very cold

My face isn't usually
Twisted in this hate
No, not at all


I'm so sorry,
Am I scaring you?
It's true
That I don't really
Mean to

You who I called friend,
How can I now?

Now, when my eyes
Only seek the darkness
In your past
When my words
Only speak
To hurt you


I swear,
It's not true!


Forgive me
My friend
I didn't mean
To let you ever
See
This darker side of me


But now
I suppose you cannot
Be asked to understand
How I simply cannot control

This Demon
Comments & reviews · 1
User avatar
michaeld
Comment
michaeld commented Comment · Apr 3, 2012

I thought it was pretty good! One of the only things that I found wrong with this, was that you used the word "sware" incorrectly. It is actually a word, but it just means the past tense of "swear", so it's pretty much "swore" but with an "a". I believe the word that you were looking for would have been "swear". Another problem, is that it's a little bit choppy. Try fitting more lines of the poem together to create larger stanzas. Lastly, I think that anytime you have words bolded, you should actually have them in italics. It just creates a more intense feel to it (except for the last line... I think it actually fits really well bolded). Overall, pretty nice job! Keep writing! If you have any questions, feel free to PM me with anything you need :)

Thanks for the critic! It really helped. I can't believe I used swear wrong...
Well, how do you think it looks now?



"Growing up isn't the problem... forgetting is."
— Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince