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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
This poem was really simple, which really made it hit all the harder, emotionally-speaking. Honestly, I really don't have much to say. This poem was sad, it made me feel sad, and it was refreshing because it really felt genuine. The simplicity really made it real even though the first stanza had me expecting typical fluffy happy first-attempts-at-poetry stuff.
I'm glad I kept reading long enough to find out that this wasn't the typical fluffy happy first-attempts-at-poetry stuff. Really, really glad.
The one thing that I think this poem could benefit from, and something I think will help add to the simple authenticity of this, is [/i]not[/i] capitalizing the first letter of every line. The reason I say that is because the whole "The first letter of every line MUST capitalized, OR ELSE!!!" thing comes from form poetry, which follows very strict rules of construction and language. This poem does not, and having an element of it which hearkens to such controlled expression feels a bit out-of-place for this piece. The lack of capitalization would also tie in nicely with the lack of punctuation, both visually and thematically.
It's something worth considering, if you ever revisit this piece (or even read this review, for that matter).
Love it man, it really speaks out.