Confusions Chasing For Resolution

hey hey! ^_^

OHHH SO EXISTENTIAL

thoughts
[1] your poem has a very clear emotional urgency! the narrator feels trapped between confusion, mistrust, loss, identity, survival, and that makes the poem feel like a lot of frustration. we especially liked the line Time Doesn't Wait / For Us to be One with our Fate because it captures the pressure of trying to heal while life keeps moving.

[2] the focus on the inner child is really compelling to us! the lineTrying to protect the inner child inside / Because he may be the source of my light gives the poem a softer sense beneath all the anger and exhaustion. it makes the narrator's struggle feel less abstract because we understand what they are trying to save, and we felt like it added a sense of motivation for the narrator to figure out their life.

suggestions
[1] there are a lot of themes! trust, truth, fate, systems, identity, vanity, sanity, the soul. they are are all important ideas, but together they can make the message feel a little crowded. maybe choose one main theme and let the other ideas orbit around it, we think.

[2] some rhymes feel natural, while others feel a little forced. lines like strife / life and whole / soul work because they fit the poem’s tone, but other moments seem guided more by the rhyme than by the image. we would suggest focusing less on end-rhyme and more on rhythm in general and it could make the poem feel more raw. we think it's nice that the rhymes don't always fit perfectly, since it's human, but we'd still say to look over it.

[3] we think the poem would benefit from more concrete imagery too. the emotions are clear, but many phrases are abstract: truth, mission, fate, system, identity, sanity. adding images to complement these vaguer ideas would help with confusion.

we loved this!! thanks for sharing!!

~ adore

This is really good.
The rhyme scheme flows really nicely, and reads like an inspiring piece of spoken word poetry.

One of my particularly favorite set of lines is "I'm afraid to lose/ I wonder why when I've been losing my whole life/ I try to gather lessons from my losses"
I think they illustrate the meaning of your piece nicely, and are just very poetic in general.

Just a quick note. I noticed you added the title twice. Once in the designated spot, and once down below where your poem is. If that was intention, just make sure you capitalize properly.

Here are a couple of lines where I noticed some slight errors.
1. To better myself in this mission "im" in- capitalize the i and add an apostrophe to signify the conjunction "I'm"
2. Where in I'm doing revision- This doesn't grammatically make sense
3. Time Doesn't wait- lowercase the "d" in doesn't
4. Of a system that controls with its rath- I'm assuming you meant "wrath"
5. Everytime I think I'm free- "Every" and "time" are two words
6. Im presented by another lie- add an apostrophe
7. Im trying to keep my sanity- add an apostrophe
8. Even without the pieces once stole- You could either change this to "once stolen" or add a pronoun. Ex: the pieces "he/she/they" once stole.

Despite that, this is really good!