The Depth Of Elusive Truth In Lies Of life and Love In Depression In Methaphor.

The Depth Of Elusive Truth In Lies Of life and Love In Depression In Methaphor.

Searching 

Deep

Into the depths 

Of my heart 

Looking for Treasure 

Wondering if I see it's splendor 

Will it issue an agenda

Of pleasure 

Afraid Of Disaster 

Because what if look 

Only to find torture

Looking to grow mature 

Because I'm insecure 

Unsure 

On what I'm living for

Looking for a clue 

For a score 

Even when my world has few opportunities 

to take shots 

But I Dig, I reach, I Search

I Dig 

Hoping In My Efforts 

I'll finally find love in lots

Thinking about the Love 

In the pain I Got 

Love I was feeling oh so illusively when I was young 

Then always Shot Down 

I Got A Lesson Taught 

To Control Motive Of Thought 

In a locomotive of rot 

I'm trying to make treasure out of trash 

Because now I'm buried under a rubble (of depression)

In the darkness I feel In Trouble 

Because my imagination is running wild 

Like I'm In Peril 

Stuck In The Surreal 

Fear Is What I Feel 

Because I Keep going under 

Into the depths 

Even when my fear controls my breath 

I still find reason in the hoping 

That what I Find 

Can appease my reasons for coping 

In the everlasting shambles

 that are my life 

A battle between love and strife 

Trying to find what love means 

Even when it seems it leads me to pain 

In the reaching I try to gain 

A way to sustain 

Trying to reach beyond what strife is 

To beat the challenges of living 

Even with a lack of opportunity given 

I'm receiving 

Ideas of the world sieving 

My Gifts, My strengths, My weaknesses 

For Thieving 

As If My Passion it aims to be killing 

But my souls heart is not willing 

Because there's will in it's spirit 

As sights of courage and distaters once lived so vivid 

You can't help but stay livid 

I compute this 

Wishing for trueness 

Knowing only lies 

That conclude to my demise

Like the wrong code 

Was typed on the computer 

And now there's a virus 

Pushing my mentality in decline 

So my thoughts are at a minus 

Of my esteems courage 

Fearing that I'm damaged 

Trying to manage my mismanaged baggage 

Hanging over my shoulders 

 the weight 

I can't properly equate 

For my fate 

Because in my digging/ reaching/ Searching 

And trying to find,

The feelings of my heart and mind are not aligned 

Because my heart is placing it's please for peace 

Yet my mind is overrun by the worlds pressures 

Telling me I must find reasons for why I Exist

Like In A Mist 

I Can't see but I know, there's good and bad 

Treachery and Treasury 

The good may Lightly try to appease my roughened, wild emotions 

For my Passion to be in promotion 

For a taste of action in satisfaction beyond the ration 

Of the faction of rationality 

Fighting for nationality 

Because just maybe in that native nation 

One can piece together sanity 

As I'm still digging/reaching/searching 

Deep 

Looking for something that can be important in me 

Something pleasant absent of pain 

Maybe then I can learn to sustain 

In the pouring of rain 

Dampened by the bad 

Of the unconditional love I never had 

But only if you talk to me about a writing pad

But yeah 

Damaged Mismanaged Baggage 

Within or beyond average 

With no leverage 

I'm at a failure in coverage 

With nothing to encourage 

The senses in my minds scrimmage 

Until it's like a pilgrimage 

Trying to find and kindle a defining image 

But Again I'm at a failure in coverage 

Because I don't understand this stage 

Who I am fixed by my age 

Trying to find reasons for being strange 

Who I am propelled by strangers 

I anger until languor

Feeling like my True Self 

Is collecting dust in darkness 

Like in a closet on a hanger 

Afraid it one day may 

Fall out as a skeleton 

As I'm 

Contemplating between death and life 

And Which one will be my savior 

Because external adverse forces and factors manipulate my behaviors 

Until I'm no more clever of luck 

Like a plucked out four leaf clover 

Negetivity weighs on my shoulders 

Depression hitting like boulders 

As I dig/reach/searching even deeper while under the rubble 

Wishing to find a shuttle 

That can fly my mind away 

From the world's troubles

Feeling like I can't breath 

Because the deeper I go and get 

My congested chest is losing air in seconds 

The hope of finding pleasing charm is in my essence 

Of my peace of minds evidence 

For my efforts 

Digging/reaching/searching deeper 

I start to feel drowsy 

And my digging begins to be lousy 

I wonder why its so deep 

No Peace 

It's keeping me from sleep 

My passion I can't keep 

Because my efforts reality must keep 

As a granduer statement of being welcome to live 

I start to fall in weakness 

I cant even see clearly enough 

As my sights are not broadened enough 

To even see what I'm looking for 

I fear there's no cure 

Feeling Empty ready to collapse 

Feeling Empty of reason on why I can't relax 

Taken by the wrong and blind facts 

My heart clasps and clamps 

It's so crass 

How Injustice is Finessed 

Some are living cross

Because they don't know what free living means 

Even as and when they hold a cross

Turned in the twist of the toss

My intellect falls at a loss 

Told by the world to run under a boss 

If you can't be your own 

Fighting on what we want to own 

Until we don't know, by forgetting, we're not alone stressing for peace in a home 

But a path to true love 

You were never shown 

But 

All on your own 

You were shown and grown 

To manipulate the forces around you to move on your direct 

With just your tone 

With it's degree of power 

As we're losing energy 

In the seconds of an hour 

It's getting late to cower

Like a fall from the tallest tower 

As I Jumped Or Am Pushed 

I can't control my weight while falling in the downing of depression 

In the trifle, stifle of life of strife 

I guess I'm tired 

My energies low 

What I'm digging/reaching/searching for I don't know anymore 

Because the heart I'm digging/reaching/searching in is sore 

It's passion for breath lying on the floor 

Because what is it for 

If the path to glory 

And treasure is just another elusive closed door 

That the chase for 

Makes you distasteful of living 

Of your reason for existing 

Unsure 

So I lay in the depths 

Feeling lifeless 

Afraid in who I am 

There's torture of nothingness 

So I'll have no beauty to confess 

For bliss 

My Bliss 

I never had the chance to keep 

Claimed in the false shame 

Of my grand yet grave stance of my ignorance 

And Impotence 

Without that elegance 

In my essence 

Of any excellence.

For my peace of mind's evidence 

Of All My Trying Efforts.