Warm Summer Feeling
Warmth in the heart
How does it start
From the heart it begins
Then takes over the whole body
Feeling lovely
Warmth
From the sunshine sight of a woman
Like?
Love?
Love me does she ?
Matters not right now
From when my body is fueled by her warming eyes
Disappears my despise, lies and cries
Rise a man who's wise
Surprised
She is
The most pleasant
Godly sent
With her essence
Her Presence
Gives Me That Warm Summer Feeling.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Haiii!
Okay so like I do not have a template for this so I will whip out my own one!
First read/impression:
It's very well written (imo) and the title stays true to the name. I was definetally slightly confused at the parts where you twisted the words around, for a good second. But afterwards I got through it smoothly! By the first impression I can tell that it brings the point across perfectly, a warm fuzzy feeliing that can spread through the body when you read it!
My favourite part:
"From when my body is fueled by her warming eyes
Disappears my despise, lies and cries"
I like this part especially because yes, I may feel down during the winter, I feel slimy and sluggish. But in summer my worries melt away, I feel warm and safe.
So what I interprate "her" as is the summer, that the person the lyrical "I" is refereing to is a personification of summer! Like the whole season stuffed into one big huggable person. Which honestly I would adore, to have somebody who makes me feel so warm, safe and fuzzy everytime I see them.
Improvements:
NONE THIS IS AMAZING I SWEAR!
Okayyy, hope this was helpful, this was my silly little opinion on this poem!
HELLO!! warm summer feeling is such a fitting title 4 this piece - it genuinely does carry that quality, like something bright and slightly dizzy.
the moment that got me most was the stream-of-consciousness questioning - "like? / love? / love me does she?" - that little cascade of uncertainty right in the middle of the feeling is so human and so honest, and it gives the poem its best energy. the rhyme scheme has a lot of momentum as well, you can definitely feel it tumbling onwards, which i quite like.
however some of the imagery does stay a little general, and i feel as though this poem has the heart 2 go somewhere more specific. what do her warming eyes actually look like? what's the 1 detail only the speaker would notice? that's where it could really shine i suppose.
but the warmth is completely there and that is very meaningful. thank you 4 sharing this 1
I like your rhymes a lot, even if I was hoping for a bit more elaborate schemes when I saw your username. (I jest.) They are well placed. I wonder if you might do well to have another line before the final one, perhaps ending in “reeling” or something, to make that line rhyme too? Just a thought. Also, I would recommend replacing “Godly sent” with “And Godly sent” and maybe “Her Presence” with “And Her Presence” so that those rhyming lines flow better by sharing the same number of syllables.
This is a very cozy poem. I liked the descriptions.
Nice job.