This was originally written for a poetry contest back in 2014 I just came across it and decided to publish it. It’s based on a combination of the original Little Mermaid and the modern version.
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The
youngest child, beautiful and loved,
the
pride of her father, the king.
With
a voice so pure, soft, and sweet,
the
sea falls silent to hear her sing.
Yet
she longs for a world that can never be hers
and
watches the man she loves from afar.
She
wishes for a way for them to be together
by
the light of a shooting star.
The
sea witch stirs in her icy cave
as
she hatches her genius plan.
She
brews up a storm to topple the boat
of
the princess' beloved young man.
The
brave girl drags him from the wreck
and
safely to the shore.
She
stays with him 'till he awakes
and
how her heart does soar
His
eyes half open, she knows she must go
or
soon she will be seen.
The
prince is found when the church bells ring
by
a woman in a gown of jade green.
Desperate
to be with her prince,
the
little mermaid seeks aid.
The
icy sea witch agrees to help
but
there's a price that must be paid.
She
arrives on the shore with two long legs
and
soon she finds her love.
She
is mute and each step brings pain
but
still lovely as a dove.
They
become fast friends but still he searches
for
the woman in the jade green gown.
He
finally finds her, they are married at once.
And
the littlest mermaid with the voice so pure
jumps into the ocean and drowns
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139,359 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Hi!! I loved reading this fabulous work!! As a young girl, I watched "The Little Mermaid" and I admit I used to sing like her.
Yeah, those were the good times. When I read this, I'm like, "I remember this...hey! I remember that!...Ooh, good use of this and that!"
Tag me if you write more along the lines of this!
You've done a perfect job of keeping the stanzas pure and okay I burst into a grin when I read,
"They become fast friends but still he searches
for the woman in the jade green gown.
He finally finds her, they are married at once.
And the littlest mermaid with the voice so pure
jumps into the ocean and drowns"
i really, really, really, really, really, really enjoyed that at the end. It made my day.
Thanks for sharing!!
I really like your poem, it's a very condensed but clean cut version of the fairy tale. I also like that the last sentence is it's own little stanza. You did a nice job of keeping the voice flowing. You also kept to a 4 line rhythm which helped to keep it organized.
This is a really good summary of the plot of The Little Mermaid (however told in a poetic way).
1. First of all, though we get a description of the many things going on I feel it would be better to include the characters feelings and thoughts to give more depth to the characters.
2. I am actually quite disappointed in myself but I know there is a hidden meaning behind the reasoning of the last line if you can tell me it would be great.
3. Descriptions were good though more focus on important details rather than simply appearance would be good.
All in all I enjoyed this poem and hope you make more you just mainly have to add more depth to it.
This is a really good summary of the plot of The Little Mermaid (however told in a poetic way).
1. First of all, though we get a description of the many things going on I feel it would be better to include the characters feelings and thoughts to give more depth to the characters.
2. I am actually quite disappointed in myself but I know there is a hidden meaning behind the reasoning of the last line if you can tell me it would be great.
3. Descriptions were good though more focus on important details rather than simply appearance would be good.
All in all I enjoyed this poem and hope you make more you just mainly have to add more depth to it.
Hey I'm Caitie.
I really, really like this poem. It told the story of the little mermaid, but with a twist. Instead of a happy ending like all the rest, it gave a harsh reality to the story. They way you express her characteristic was amazing and I was really hocked. Again I love this poem and really want to read more.
Wow you did a good job. I like the rhyme scheme. It really makes the poem flow. You did a good job separating the stanzas. The only thing that needs to be worked on is the last line. It is really long for it being a sentence in a poem. The imagery is great. You were descriptive enough to create a picture without overdoing it. It was a great idea to give the girl a characteristic as well. Usually when I comment on a poem I give some suggestions but I can't think of how to make this better other than the last line. You did a very good job. Keep up the awesome work!
Honestly put, this is actually a wonderful rendition of 'The Little Mermaid' with a 'How it should've ended' twist at the end that I can't help but love.
As for the poem format, I have to say I really don't see anything brutally wrong with this poem. To me all the lines and stanzas are equally made and all rhymed correctly except for that last line. I mean, it is the ending of the poem, so I can accept it, but as the one before me says, you could've rearranged it somehow.
I love this! Each stanza is 4, and there are 8 of them! Good work. However I feel the last stanza you should take advantage of your poetic license.
They become fast friends but still he searches
for the woman in the jade green gown.
He finally finds her, they are married at once.
And the littlest mermaid with the voice so pure jumps into the ocean and drowns
I think you should try something like this -
They become fast friends but still he searches
for the woman in the jade green gown.
He finally finds her, they are married at once.
And the littlest mermaid with the voice so pure
jumps into the ocean and drowns
This is fine as the last stanza being 5 rather than 4 also gives it a sense of closure, however if you'd prefer to maintain the 4 stanza's all the way through.... I'll give you an example of what I think could work!
They are fast friends but he looks for her with the jade gown
Til he finally finds her, and they are married at once.
And the littlest mermaid with the voice so pure
jumps into the ocean and drowns
You can reword the last stanza just so, and preserve the message. I simply feel that that last line is just a bit to long, however to nice, to get rid of! I hope this helps, or helps spark some ideas! As someone who has watched the old little mermaid this is brilliant!