Do you hear the piano?

THAT is an awsome poem, i really love it
the way you still hear the piano's sound, that really have alot of meanings.
i liked the part:
"The beautiful music
That no one can hear"
and:
"The music you once brought to life."
that really remind me of someone i loved
thank you, keep the hard work

Timmy here for a quick review!

This poem was so amazing! So full of beautiful imagery! And, while the words are simple, they portray such a beautiful thing... I play piano, so I was drawn to this piece in curiosity. And I wasn't disappointed!

You manage to make the piano, or any music, seem like more than what rings through the halls(I used your own words, there! ). You give this whole piece a beautiful ring to it.

Nitpicks

I think that everyone has stated most, if not all, of your nitpicks. Nevertheless, I will point out just one nitpick that I don't think anyone else has stated... That, and I don't think anything else is a big enough deal to mention. This poem is just too beautiful!

I can’t bear to touch it,

I can’t bear to see

The music you once brought to life.

But I still hear its notes,

As they ring through the halls,

Playing for no one but me.

It hasn’t been touched

Since you went away.

It lingers alone,

Gathering dust

Just waiting for someone to play. ---While this line doesn't have as much of the vivid imagery as some of the others, it says the most for me. Its so beautiful! Let me dust it off for you!

That's amazing!!

I see what all the hype is about. This is amazing in more ways than one! Good job!

A sweet and haunting if not lyrical poem. The sentiments evoked - nostalgia, longing for home, loneliness - are powerful indeed, and I love the poem's simplicity. Others have talked about the punctuation; I think Caerulean's advice would make the poem flow much, much better.

But I urge you, either when revising or writing a new poem, to play with not only sensations but images. The central image, of the piano playing itself alone, is wonderful indeed - but one feels the emotions evoked would be better served by greater use of figurative language and more complex imagery.

Overall, a really lovely poem!

Generally I don't look at the spotlight without out a reason, like a really catchy title or something by someone I know, but this has been here for a while, so I thought I'd check it out. It's really good! The last line is particularly nice. This is really nit-picky, but the last line of the first verse could be "my faraway home." which I feel would improve it. The rhyme structure was confusing at first, but once I understood it made sense, and I think it stopped it being too lyrical, but kept structure.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!

I was kinda drawn to this work because of the title because i play a little and love the sound of the piano so good job there lol yet i was a little curious at the way it wasn't just a random phrase as the title and for the first piece on here by yourself it was good. Its definitely one of my favorites now to read on here. I liked the way you worded stuff and put some feeling into it, always good to add some in there. There were a couple small punctuation things but i'm not to nit-picky on those things. Good job

Hi there. You've already got many helpful reviews so I'll just try to add some things.

First of all, I play some piano/keyboard so the title almost immediately drew me into reading the poem. xD At the same time, the title being a question catches the reader's interest into finding out what it was about the piano in the poem.

I started reading, and I found the first stanza a little cheesy or weak. I don't know if that was much of a bad thing 'cause less-is-more worked for it, I think, and the poem improved as it progressed. Still, the choice of words and the whole simplicity of it gave me a feeling of loneliness, and that's the best part of this poem. It made me feel like I'm longing for something.

In the first and second stanza though, the placement of the question marks is wrong, or is it just me being nitpicky?

Do you hear the piano?
Playing itself
In a downstairs room all alone.

Do you hear the piano?
Singing sweet melodies
The sounds drifting into my ears.

Do you hear the piano
playing itself
in a downstairs room all alone?

Do you hear the piano
singing sweet melodies,
the sounds drifting into my ears?

I can’t bear to touch it,
I can’t bear to see
The music you once brought to life.

Beautiful

For a first piece, I must say, well done.

This appears to be a combination of both rhyming and free-verse, which I'm surprised I don't see a lot of, at least done correctly. This is a pretty good example of it done correctly, as there's a good balance of both styles given to the audience.

The story itself is what drives this poem, and I must say it's very heartfelt and gives a sense of sadness, but not so much that it's utterly depressing. It's kinda like someone reminiscing about a happier time that they wish they return to, but at the same the nostalgia of the time brings about a sense of loss. This idea is something that many people can empathize with, I included in that generalization.

As for the grammar, you did very well, though I would point out that the vocabulary is rather average, except for the word lilting, I had to look that up cause I didn't know what it meant. In future poems, I'd suggest not completely changing your diction, but maybe add in a few more advanced words

Example, instead of putting "It sits by itself", say "It lingers by itself"
Only changed one word, but it sounds much more...mature (idk how to describe it at the moment XD)

One last thing: The last line of the first stanza...why is it slightly indented? I know this is a stupid nit-pick, but that was kinda distracting when I first read your poem (also random things like that annoy me for stupid reasons XD)

Great job, this is a new favorite of mine ^^
Keep doing well and welcome to YWS!
~Maddie

This is a beautiful poem, yet very haunting. I found it to be saddening, and uplifting (yeah kinda weird). The message for me stood in two ways; 1. Treasure the people you have, for when they are gone life will be sad, and 2. Memories, joyous and painful will stay with you for a long time.

I particularly enjoyed the piano in the poem. Often pianos playing with no on there, or no on else can hear the music is related to ghosts. "But I still hear the notes/As they ring through the halls" reminds me of old houses or hotels (like the balsams) where people were lost and missed. And visitors can feel or hear them trying to contact the outside world.

Honestly, I believe you have done a fantastic job with this poem. Keep writing!

This is a very pretty, haunting poem. Your words made such a curious little story, and I could really feel a sad longing as I read it. I love the message and the story, and you chose your words very well, but at times, the wording wasn't quite doing it for me. I'll go through bit by bit and show you ones that felt slightly awkward, maybe give some suggestions for changes. Before I start, though, just know that I'm not in any way trying to be one of those people who tries to change your writing, all of my suggestions are at your discretion, and it would still be beautiful even left as is.

Do you hear the piano?

Playing itself <--------

In a downstairs room all alone. <-------

The beautiful music

That no one can hear

Reminds me of far away home. <---------

Perhaps try moving these lines around. The "all alone" feels awkward and tacked on, I feel like maybe it should come earlier in the sentence. Maybe...
"it plays itself,
all alone, in a downstairs room"

or something like that.

" Reminds me of far away home." I feel like this needs something to tie this down, make it more concrete. Right now, it's very hazy. Perhaps "a far away home" or "my far away home"?

The next stanza is perfect, and I love love love the description of the music as lilting. Awesome!


Do you hear the piano?

That hasn’t been touched <------

Since you went away.

It sits by itself,

Gathering dust

Just waiting for someone to play.

The use of "that" at the beginning of this sentence isn't grammatically correct. You should either change the "that" to "it" (which I think would make it feel like you're more personally talking to the mysterious person who is gone) or carry the question out into the second line, making it
"Do you hear the piano
that hasn't been touched since you went away?

I can’t bear to touch it,

I can’t bear to see

The music you once played. <-----

But I still hear the music,

It rings through the halls, <-----

Playing only for me.


"The music you once played" just feels a little flat comparatively speaking. You could employ imagery, turning it into "the music you made it sing" or something like that

It rings through the halls- since you have a comma in the previous line, this feels a little bit disjointed. Try connecting it to the previous line, maybe with "as it rings through the halls," etc. etc.

I love the ending, it's beautiful, and it really pulled this lovely poem together. Very good job, I really enjoyed it. Props for being original!