The phone rings.
I pick up.
A single voice,
One I know well.
Her terrible words
Come out in small gasps.
I set down to phone.
I’ve lost the ability to breathe.
The cracks and fissures
That have been building up inside me
For so long burst.
I am crumbling.
I rip apart at the seams.
I shatter.
Pieces of me scatter
Across the hard wood floor.
My eyes burn
With grief.
My heart burns
With agony.
My skull burns
With anger and loss and injustice.
Everything burns.
Ashes circle down around me
Until the world is masked in grey.
I am alone.
Trapped inside my head.
Everything that mattered is gone.
Everything else is burning.
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139,357 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
My reaction to your poem is simple. Amazing. I love how you break apart the stanza's to what I am believing to help the reader see your scattered thoughts an the broken-ness that the speaker felt. I truly loved this. When you said " I am alone" it sent shivers down my back because I've felt that experience one to many times. Over all very relatable and extremely good Keep writing
This is breathtaking.
The simplicity and elegance, the power of the words leave you hungering for more.
This, right here. These lines leave my insides screaming, desperate to know the likes of the situation. Desperate to know what has happened to this mysterious female.
This harbinger of a stanza shows the breaking point of which many have experienced, making this piece very relatable. I also found it interesting how you compared the agony and struggle to "cracks and fissures", suggesting severe, permanent damage.
This part right here is my favorite part of the whole piece.
It flows, but in a choppy, strained manner, which adds to the shadowing mood of the piece.
I love the use of "mattered" here as opposed to "matters." The past-tense use of the words signifies finality and total loss.
And the last line adds salt in the wounds. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.
Overall, I loved the spacing within the piece. It added depth and enhanced the overall mood of the work.
Absolutely amazing job. I am so impressed with this piece.
Keep up the good work, and I look forward to enjoying more of your work.
xx- Delirium
Thank you!
I truly enjoyed this piece. I can relate to this feeling and this situation perfectly. It is a hard one to endure but i'm glad you wrote this because it provided me with comfort knowing i'm not alone. Too many people think they go through this alone, and you helped by just sharing this. I really enjoyed the dramatic structure of this and the words just went well together. I am quite glad i stumbled upon this and (if this is true) i hope you will take comfort in knowing you are not alone. Thanks for writing such a great piece!
Hey there KissMe is here to give you a review!!
Ok so I like this poem it has a lot of emotion in it. I would like to say that your grammar, spelling, and thought is very good. So is your punctuation. I would like to say that the spacing is a little much. Maybe if you put them a little closer together instead of far apart like they are it would look cleaner and not so choppy. To me it was kind of hard to read like that. That was all I had to say about how it looks, now to the poem it's self. I really like the main idea in the poem, it's got good detail and it's very good. That's it for my review, thank you for posting this poem it is very good and I'm sure many other readers can relate to this poem like I can. Very good.
Keep writing and follow your dreams!!
~KissMe