(Author's Note: "Shadows On the Ceiling" is influenced by my childhood friends leaving me in third grade and this is basically my memories about them. The voice in my head that sings this sounds like Marie Digby)
SHADOWS ON THE CEILING
Don’t worry, I’ve got some friends
But one reminds me of you
This person even has your laugh
That little twinkle in your eye
Chorus:
And at night
I lay down on my bed
Watching the moon rise
And I watch the shadows on the ceiling
And I think of you
Sometimes it hurts so much
So much that I can cry
Why did you leave
Without a farewell hug
Why did you leave
And not keep in touch
Chorus:
And at night
I lay down on my bed
Watching the moon rise
And I watch the shadows on the ceiling
And I think of you
Oh, oh
Bridge:
Wondering if we can meet again
My heart aches to
My head says no
And as the rain pours down
The tears fall down my face
Chorus:
And at night
I lay down on my bed
Watching the moon rise
And I watch the shadows on the ceiling
And I think of you
This person reminds me of you
Even has your smile
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139,409 Literary Works • 672,558 Reviews
It is sweet and simple. I don't think all songs and poems have to be intense. I think my heart aches to and my head says no should be out. Also, instead of saying farewell hug, maybe a different word would fit better. Otherwise, it is well written
I love the title!
Calix! I'm so glad to see you again.
Hey, this song reminds me of a friend I had a while ago.
You captured what it is to miss someone very well.
*wonders what else to say*
Oooh. It's splendiferous.
However, the song isn't that deep. It just really only shows surface emotions and such... But then again that seems to be rather common when it comes to lyrics. It's rare to find truly deep lyrics.
The title is quite lovely. It drew me to read the song in the first place.
However, the ending is almost... For lack of a better word, cutesy. Even if it's a little bit sad, it has the same sweetness that nostalgia brings.
8/10
Which also means
4/5
I agree with 30MarsBars and disagree with Flame11.
Makes perfect sense--if I'm interpreting it correctly. The narrator's heart wants to meet the friend again but in reality, when the narrator actually thinks about it, the answer is "I'll never see him/her again."
I think that is a weak ending. Add the "even has your smile" in replace of the "that little twinkle in the eye" or "even has your laugh."
Ending with a part about a smile seems more overused than the twinkle in the eye. Or the laugh part.
Synopsis:
- I liked it a lot. The way I heard it in my head is probably not the way you hear it in yours but everything flowed.
- I love the chorus. The "shadows on the ceiling" is so unique!
- Beautiful word choice
- *clicks gold star*
I don't have to tell you that you're a great writer, do I? I bet you already know it ;]
~ Summerless ^ o ^
That's beautiful, it really is
I disagree with Flame11 on the "My heart aches to, but my head says no" part. It makes perfect sense to me. If you feel it needs to be changed, it's completely up to you, but I think it's fine how it is. I sort of agree about the "oh"s though - those are embellishments usually decided by the performer, and it's not usually the
songwriter that includes them.
In the bridge, I'm not sure if the last two lines work, as you've repeated the word "down" but it doesn't give for any real impact. Perhaps something along the lines of "The rain pours down like the tears on my face" would fit better. Up to you, though.
I love the chorus; it's quite eerie and really puts across a sense of sadness. The very last two lines work really well too, I thought.
Overall, I really like it. It's quite sad and poignant. Keep up the good work
What i like though is the first and third sections of the song. Not all of it is bad. SORRY for being so harsh.
Alex
I think you should take the 'oh's out. And this part:
That doesn't really make sense... Why would your heart WANT to meet again but your head say no to meeting with a best friend again? That's kinda dumb.... Sorry for being harsh but...
Alex
I really like it! A lot. It's sweet and touching and sad. I like that it's a bit longer and the repeated chorus. I didn't really see anything wrong with it. Keep up the good work!
Jamie