Glass Walls

Ok i like it but there were a few things that didn't make sense to me. maybe its just my dimwitted self but i'm not sure. when you said that the song says it all i thought it would but it really didn't to me. i got the fact that you like someone in it but thats about it.

[Intro Verse]
Feeling the life charging around me
Taking every little thing in
Watching the river flow and go on

[Verse 1]
Feel the lava underneath
With every earthquake
Shivering from every raindrop
On my skin

[Bridge]
But don’t worry, my darling
The walls can be broken down
It has happened before
And it can happen again
Oh, oh, whoa-oh
It will happen again

It will happen again (2x)

I wish I could write lyrics like you!
The way you've written your lyrics is so natural and doesn't feel forced at all. I love it because the first verse is what caught my attention and made me want to read more!
Although the first verse doesn't seem to flow into the second verse very well because they're talking about two different things. You could maybe edit one of them slightly so they're better suited.
But except for that I can definitely see these lyrics being played with an awesome song! When I read your lyrics there were great images created in my head so keep up the good work!
Can't wait to read some more of your work!

Meg x-x

I’ve never been good at Lyrical Poetry, or just poetry in general so I really admire you for pulling it off so nicely. There is a nice steady beat to it and it is nice to follow. I think I love the first verse the most, since it really pulls me in. Other than that, I don’t really know what to say. Good job, Ross! You earned the Kelly Stamp of Approval.

Nice! I applaud this piece! *applause* Yes, well back to critiquing.

First of all, I want you to know that I enjoyed it, but I really think that there are a few things I'd just like to clear up first.

Well, the intro verse does confuse me a little, especially as I read on to the first verse, which is altogether even more confusing. I'd definitely change the intro a little bit. Just mess around with it and tweak little things to see what sounds cool or fun or interesting.

Now for the first verse. It just didn't add up and doesn't go with the second verse. I really liked the second and how it flowed really nicely and fit in the song. When you look back to the first verse, they seem like two different worlds. In the first one you are talking of physically feeling things and in the second one you are talking about memories and things that have happened between you. Change the first one to fit the second more.

Well, that's about it, so once again, great job!

0(o.o)0

This was good. My favorite part was the first verse.

You probably have a tune that works but I think that for the chorus my tune would work better if you made the last two lines one line. But your tune probably works how it is.

Oh My Gosh! I' not really into this kind of music but it is so awesome! The lyrics are perfect with everything! I wonder what it would sound like it Brett Dennen would sing it? Hmmmm.... But this was so awesome!

This seemed really choppy to me. I loved the idea behind it, but I couldn't get into the song. it was really short. the ideas and verses didn't flow. Just my opinion. It was very creative though. XD

Jamie

Hey, buddy. What's up?

Nice little song you've got here. It's really creative and the title rocks. Seriously.

Huh...

[Intro Verse]
Feeling the life charging around me
Taking every little thing in
Watching the river flow and go on

[Verse 1]
Feel the lava underneath
With every earthquake
Shivering from every raindrop
On my skin

Oh wow, this is great! I love the chorus and bridge. Nice title, too.

Your W.I.C. (writer in crime >: D),
Jion.

Hi, Ross!

What to say? Well, it left me breatheless there's a start. It's so true, and the truth hurts but it is true. I love this! If someone didn't I don't know what's wrong with them. This was so great! As you may know I love writing lyrics and poems and I'm a freak about storybooks on YWS. This is really good you have a great talent of writing lyrics. I just... I love this!!!!!

your friend
-Max

I liked your lyrics, but they seemed to be lacking something. I can't put my finger on it, but it does seem to be missing something. I think I only think that because I couldn't get the rythm in my head. Oh well.

As was said im not a fan of reading lyrics but this was very well done
I dont know what kind of tune you were thinking of in your head but when i was reading it sounded really good and great use of imagery

I had to read it a couple times trying to get a rhythm in my head, but I really liked it. The contrasting images in verse 1 are interesting (for lack of a better term). I like the image of glass walls. It's artistically profound and up there with clocks and keys in my mind.

For some reason, I particularly liked the lines 'It has happened before/And it can happen again'. I just really like those lines for whatever reason. It might be because I would it really easy to find a rhythm in my head for them.

Over all, enjoyable and including some great imagery.

Christy

These are some powerful lyrics. I don't normally haunt the lyrics catagory, but these really struck a chord. It would be awsome to put them to music! And being hearing impaired, I'm plesantly suprised at the quality, considering it's lyrics to a song! I look forward to reading more of your work. Big tick

I'm sorry I don't have much advice, as it's all been taken care of by Kitty. I think the whoa-oh-ah's can be taken out though, because they aren't exactly lyrics, they're effects, but that's just my person veiw on it.

I like the images you created with this, so keep up the good work

(Sorry I couldn't give you much of a critique)

-JC

Thanks, kitty15! I did most of what you suggested and I must admit it does flow much easier. Thanks!

This flows really well in places but some of the lines feel a touch out of place; I think it needs just a little tidying up. For example, in your first two verses:

[Intro Verse]
Feeling the life charging around me [I'm not sure what sort of tune you're thinking of but this feels a touch jerky to me. I'd suggest maybe 'Feeling the life that charges around me'.]
Taking every little thing in
Watching the river flow and go on [I think you need to add another line or two to this verse, extending the imagery of the river. You brush across some really pretty images but I think you could probe just a little deeper.]

[Verse 1]
Feel the lava underneath
With every earth shake [Maybe earthquake rather than earth shake.]
Shivering from every raindrop
On my skin [I like the last two lines of this verse.]

__________________

Also, I'd suggest removing that 'oh' from the chorus -

These glass walls block, oh
Our screams out

Wow, Flame11! I was surprised to get your review. It is kind of about predjuice and racism and all that, but mostly it's about money classes (upper, middle, lower) and about social groups in school, work, etc.

ChernInclin...your review made me strut around a little bit. I was very flattered by your praise. I like how you told me about the verse stuffing, because then I'm going to keep an eye out for that. Thanks very much for reviewing and I will post up other stuff ASAP.

Tag, thanks for the compliment on the imagery. And also, thanks for applauding me on the light ending because I wasn't really sure how it was gonna work, but your review got my nerves settled down. Also, I changed the bridge...might wanna check it again. Thanks for reviewing.

This is GREAT! From what i understand, it's about deafness being a blockade from the hearing world. And you were very clear about the words. I think by "Bridge" you mean Chorus... Not really sure about that. But otherwise, it's great!

Hey!

I'm not much of a lyrics person either, unfortunately, so I am useless for a critique, but this was quite original. The few other lyrics I have read have been emo and ridiculous, but this was different; there was something really true about it, and I'm not exactly sure how.

The words didn't trip over eachother like mine sometimes do and you didn't try to pack too much into one verse. Another thing I find often, especially in myself, is the mistake of trying to say too much at once and not knowing how to trim it down into something comprehensible to someone besides yourself. But you didn't seem to make this mistake, it was clear and beautiful.

I look forward to reading more of whatever you come up with. Good work. ^_^

Hey there

I'm not much of a fan of reading lyrics, but this is really good.

I love the imagery you've used, the contrast of a river of lava and glass walls works brilliantly.

'These walls will break down / And soon we will have nothing to fear' - I also like the way you've started with a stormy kind of opening and ended with 'nothing to fear', that's quite powerful.

The bridge seems a little off subject to the rest, but maybe I'm just not getting it.

Like I said, I don't usually read lyrics, so this critique probably isn't very helpful, but well done. This is a great piece of work, keep it up.

And welcome to YWS