“You’re Eric?” I asked.
Eric nodded, stepping over the threshold, “And you’re Calix, I assume. Steven told me about your situation.” His voice was smooth, velvety; the voice of an angel.
Steven was leaning against the foyer wall during this exchange and now he told me, “He was one of the people that advised Chad not to do it.”
“Chad’s told me a lot about you,” Eric shrugged off his jacket, throwing it over one of the dining room chairs as he walked to the kitchen. “Apparently, I was right in thinking that you would take this kind of revenge.”
“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say. “Steven, you can go now.”
“Fine,” Steven shrugged. “I told Chad to call me when he’s on his way home. When I get the message, I’ll call you guys and pass it on.”
“Fair enough,”
Steven left.
We were alone.
“So,” Eric broke the silence. “Your revenge…”
“Yes?”
“Should we get started on that, or sit down and have some coffee?” Eric tilted his head towards the machine.
“I already had a cup, but you can have one,” I replied.
Eric ambled in the kitchen and I slid on a stool. A couple of minutes later, my companion joined me.
“So,” he began. “How far do you want to go?”
“I’m fine with any length,” I explained. “I turn 18 next month, so I’m not gonna be a minor for much longer.”
“As far as…you know,”
I laughed at Eric’s discomfort, “Don’t worry, I’ve already done it.”
“Good,” Eric set down the cup. “Then let’s do it,”
I smiled, “Meet you upstairs in Chad’s bedroom. I gotta go pee.”
It was kind of cruel, I thought as I went to the small lavatory tucked away between the stairs and the steps to the basement, what I was doing.
But doing the bet with another guy to have sex with you for a night of “fantasies” is crueler, piped up that little annoying mental voice.
“Shut up, you whore,” I muttered back. “I can take care of myself.”
Fine, replied the little mental voice, have fun.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,003 Literary Works • 672,791 Reviews
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Highlighted Comments
1. Dash instead.
2. Reword, a lot. Maybe show Steven stand up from leaning? And no ‘now’ – it’s past tense.
3. How did he come to this conclusion?
4. Who said this?
5. These don’t work on their own.
Overall Comments
*Sigh* Again, it’s good. Just slow down! Give small hints as to why this is happening, details, descriptions, emotions. Everything. Spread it out! And introduce us to Eric - you just threw him at us.
That’s all I really have to say. You just need to slow down, a lot, and this will be great.
Good job, PM me for anything.
~JFW1415
Yea I don't get why that would be good revenge.
But then again maybe he'll think she was using him now?
Can't wait for the next chapter!
I think that would be better as
"Eric broke the silence" doesn't sound much of a tag to me, that's why. But if it was
then I'd keep the comma.
Else than that I'm so happy you posted the next part too! I was so busy that I couldn't log on until today! And voila, I get to read two nice chunks of your story.
This part was fab too!
- Summerless <3~
Even if Calix did have sex with Eric, Chad probably wouldn't care... Because it was a bet in the first place right? So....
Alex
Oh, wow. Um, ya.
Good, there wasn't really anythign I saw that needed to be fixed. But it was interesting. I thought maybe have him trash the place or something. Don't you think that Chad won't really care sense he didn't care about Calix anyways???
Just wondering. Other then that it was good. Keep going.
TNC