Day Three
I'm asleep.
Dreams of my family fill my head - I'm reunited with them. The image, the memory, of Harold vanishes like a puff of smoke, and in his place is Alice. She smiles warmly, her orange eyes glowing unnaturally. Soren wraps his arms around me gently. It's the kind of brotherly love I don't get often. Octavia tugs a comb through my hair and smooths the stands with her thumb. I haven't seen her much since she took a job at the mill.
Suddenly, the grip Soren has around my neck tightens. I sputter in surprise but his unexpected strength keeps me still. Octavia clutches my hair in a fist and jerks her hand upward. I can hear the hair being ripped from my scalp. For some reason, I can't scream, so tears well up in my eyes. Eyes... Speaking of which, Alice's start to glow brighter. I realize they aren't irises - they're fire. The orange tendrils escape her skull climbing up her face faster than they should. Smoke fills the room, reaching me at an alarming speed. Whatever air I can gasp in despite my brother's efforts is suddenly stolen by the ruthless smoke. I feel my flesh singing, the scent stinging my nose. Right as I feel myself band beginning to pass out, Alice pinches me, whispering, "He's coming."
My eyes flutter open and I realize I'm still in the cabin. Other than the paralyzing fear still clinging to me and the bedsheets rather tightly tangled around my legs, I'm safe. My ears perk up and I realize there's people in the room murmuring.
"We can't just keep her here, she's either crazy or telling the truth. Either way-"
"Either way we need to do something. If the police find us, we're screwed more than she is."
I realize the first voice is the man talking. The higher, feminine voice leads me to believe his wife is home.
"Then drop her off in the middle of the road for God's sake!"
"What if someone finds her there? The first thing she'll do is point us out."
"Kill her then?"
"Could you do it? I know I couldn't. It's better to wait, the boy might find her and kill her then."
"Not in my house. We'll have to find him first and tell him we have her. Then we'll hand her over nicely at a secondary location."
The woman pauses. "Good idea. Go now, I'll tell her you were called into work."
There's a quiet moment and then I hear the door squeak as it's shut. I wait for footsteps, but there's nothing. My mind races. The man was lying the whole time! They want me dead and they're going to find Harold for the job! Screwed more than them? That must mean they're criminals on the run or something. I lean ever so slightly on the side of the bed to get a better look through the doorway. The woman is still there, leaning against the door and watching out the peephole. I curse silently. What have I gotten myself into?
The woman turns suddenly, her much too bleached blonde hair sticking out in messy points. The expression on her face is that of fear and suspicion. Her narrowed eyes practically bore into mine, and my blood feels like ice. I immediately try to look as serene as possible - wiping my face of emotions the way I've noticed Alice do so easily.
"How long have you been up, girl?" A sickly sweet tone creeps into her words - she's not as good an actor as her husband is.
"Where's the man?" I ask, trying to sound sleepy. I cringe when it comes out thicker than I intended.
"Just got called into work... how long have you been up?" A idea pops into my head.
"Work? Oh no, he's probably going to the police station."
The woman drops the charade for a moment and looks genuinely confused. "What?"
"I told him about this guy hunting me down. I told him not to call the cops but that's where he's going, isn't he? You gotta stop him."
She pauses and cracks her knuckles. A bemused expression crosses her face. "Cops, huh? Is that where you think he's going?"
"Isn't it?"
"My dear, of course not. He had to meet for an interview with an important client at work. Surely, you don't want said client to show up at our door? When he returns, we'll figure out what to do with you." Despite the gentle smile on her face, she spits out the last few works like they are poison.
I pretend to relax. "Oh, is that it? I was sure he was going to get me in trouble."
She strides across the room and places a cold hand on my forehead. "You need to sleep. Time heals all wounds."
My heart beats faster at her touch and I try not to flinch away. Up close, I can see the red veins in her eyes, slithering towards her irises like snakes. I try to wipe the image from my mind and force a smile.
"You both are too kind to me."
"No, of course not. Please rest, I don't want you to get worse."
I shut my eyes, trying not to breathe. I can tell she's hesitant to leave me. I hope she can't tell how I'm actually feeling - much less what I'm planning. Eventually, I hear her footsteps slowly get quieter. She seems to wait at the doorway for quite a bit before moving on.
I can't recall being brought into the house, so I'm not sure of the layout. I did notice the window on my right, just a few feet away. In my condition, I doubt I'll be able to reach it and escape silently. An idea pops into my head. If the door to this room were to have a lock on it, I could easily bolt it and escape before the woman could reach me. The plan has a downside, and that being that she could realize my motives and run around the side of the house to intercept me.
I clench my jaw in aggravation. Could I make it out before she realizes? What if the window is locked taking up precious time, or worse, stuck? Is there a less risky route?
Thinking it over in my head again and again, I decide that this is my best shot. Who knows how long it will take the man to find Harold? They could be on their way now! With my heart beating so hard I can hear it in my skull, I carefully turn over to face the doorway. My body aches, but I feel a slight bit a relief when I see the woman isn't there staring at me. I also notice that there is a lock on the door. Perfect.
Not taking my first stroke of luck today for granted, I sit up and push the sheets off me as quietly as I can. A groan escapes my lips.
"Dear? Are you still awake?"
I hear her stand up, quickly walking my way.
Pushing the pain out of my mind, I lurch towards the door. Slamming it shut and twisting the lock with a loud click, I know there's no turning back.
"Hey! Open this door!" I hear her scream, the panic evident in her voice. She bangs her fists against the wood repeatedly.
Tripping over my feet, I push against the heavy window. It gives just enough to create a small space to crawl through. Wincing in pain, I push myself through the meager gap and fall into the leaves below. Without the chance to catch my breath, I sprint away from the house.
The sound of her banging on the door doesn't leave my head for a long time.
End of chapter
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Heyyyyyy! Forever back here with a review!
Something which I didn't understand about the chapter is the relation between Harold and these people. The conversation doesn't really prove that they are criminals and are on a run. At least to me, it doesn't. It can be just that they are frightened. First of all, if the Police finds them, it will not be for Rory because she hasn't done anything at all. Secondly, throwing her in the middle if the road. To be honest, if they throw her at a large distance away from their house, it will be impossible for her to point at them or recognize them. Thirdly, killing her. The main concern is to why they need to do so? She clearly mentioned that she will not go to the poilce, so, they shouldn't be afraid. And how will they know Harold? There's no chance that Harold and these people are related to each other. And if they are not related, how is the man going to identify Harold? He will obviously not stumble onto a random person and take him for Harold. And above all, how did the man even think of rescuing her if they have so many problems. They shouldn't have done that. Please clarify.
That was definitely a good escape there(?) I wonder about the last line. What does that mean? Was she banging the door quite tremendously and Rory could listen to the sound for a long time? Or is it the fact that she was somehow caught... Seems like a cliffhanger there.
In this chapter, there was a good use of the show don't tell technique here which I pointed out in the last chapter. The portrayal of her thoughts in the first two paragraphs was incredible. Here, you also introduced the sister and brother of Rory and a very quick backstory. In the dialogue however, specify the speaker, especially in the conversation between the man and his wife. That was actually a bit too confusing about who is speaking.
She is heavily injured, after all and that makes me wonder how long she will be able to go in the forest and will she think of rescuing Alice? Or will she go back to her home? I hope she will not meet Harold somehow.
Keep Writing!
~Forever
Hi Rosewood,

Mailice here with a short review!
I really like the way you start the story, beginning with a simple description to draw the reader in, but I also see that your change in sentence length makes it a bit stagnant, and I think certain sentences could be connected to keep the reading flow from getting bogged down in the beginning.
Since I don't really know where the story is at the moment, I can't relate very much to the individual characters. Nevertheless, I notice a certain tension and intensity developing here, which you also display well at times. Your combination of different ways of moving the plot forward, whether through your very dramatic and beautiful descriptions or the short and extreme sentences, I continued to find it very interesting to follow the chapter and see what exactly happened here.
At some points I really like how you put together your word choices to make an interesting chapter and also see the effort you made to always give some more information between the dialogues about what the woman and the first person narrator are doing. But at the same time I felt the dialogues were a bit dull. It seemed to me that the same character was speaking and I think you could try to give a different quality to the character opposite to make it a bit more different. You already create a great atmosphere with your descriptions and the text, but the dialogues, on the other hand, lack the necessary something. It doesn't have to be a big thing, it can be little things like a lisp, maybe someone using more educated words, etc....
I like how the story builds to a kind of cliffhanger at the end, and how you also managed to convincingly get to that ending. Overall, it was an interesting chapter with some wonderful descriptions and depictions. Apart from the beginning, where I found it a bit halting, you manage to create an exceptionally intriguing story.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Wow- thanks for your review! I'm so glad you pointed out the dialogue issue because I've begun to realize how two of the characters I'm shifting perspectives with seem to have the same thought process and speech patterns. I'll definitely go back at some point and give Rory, (the character this chapter focusses on), a more laid-back and small town kind of twang!
This is beautifully written ,seriously
the writers blue print rules ..... show not tell -you have mastered it .Every details !