Well, I am afraid, that this is my last battle.
I have soared in the ranks of the King's army.
I am an honorable knight, with many achievements to bear.
Yet none of them spare me from the jaws of defeat.
Through the guiding hand of the Lord, I claimed many victories.
But with just as many losses.
You may be so good as to recall that I have not asked for this, I was merely appointed.
I have always sought something less brutal and violent.
Now with this spear in my chest, I can only watch in horror as people die around me.
My fellows attend to my wounds, but I tell them go.
I know it's all pointless.
What use is fighting a war that I cannot win?
All I have for myself is my blade and armor.
And driven by spirit, I try to ignore the pain.
So that I can fight along my comrades one last time.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hey! Back here again as promised! If part 3 is somewhere else please let me know, or feel free to tag me when you post the last part! And Avery belated welcome to YWS!
Love this as a first line. To the point, poignant, dire. The "well" really give an old-timey western feel to it as well. Don't need that comma after "afraid". However, if you made it a period and cut the "that" it would hit even harder i think!
Ah, so we see some religion and spirituality really cut through and get to the heart of who this warrior is. He is a soldier of the Lord, and that has guided his footsteps the whole way. It seems that this is why he has acted the way he has. His religion isnt private, it guides his every move.
Ugh a great ending. Part 3 would be epic to see, and I wonder if this is a darkest before the dawn type scenario. This would definitely be in line with Christianity with the resurrection, and with Revalation as well. I am very intrigued to see how it wraps up.
I will say, as a second part, the tone here shifts quite a bit. It turns very introspective, and where the first part was expansive in scope and time, this seems to be in the heart of one single battle, and moment inside of that battle. It was a little jarring and I think something at the end of part 1 to foreshadow it would help it not seek so stark. That said, if part 3 was also quite different it would create a nice trilogy of the Napolean of the West.
~Messy
Hello there, Rooke! Saw this among the older works of the Green Room so thought I'd drop a review.
The setting of the poetry seems so final from the get go. The first line declaring it to be the last battle of the knight certainly caught me off guard.
I noticed the successive lines alternate the positive and negative experiences that the knight has experienced throughout his duty. He says he bears many achievements but isn't spared from the jaws of defeat. Loved this really vivid metaphor here! He lists that he has claimed many victories but they don't come without losses. I believe you managed to strike a wonderful balance, portraying both aspects of his knighthood.
The next lines come as a suprise as he states that he was appointed and this wasn't a duty of his choosing as he'd have far preferred something with no bloodshed. Despite his personal inclinations, he prioritised his motherland as war called. This says a lot of his patriotic and dutiful nature.
I found the imagery of him watching around him the scenes of death in the battlefield quite fascinating. As the end nears him, he's suddenly aware that all efforts to save him are vain and thus pushes away his fellows tending to his wound.
The last lines truly pierced my heart. There is a looming helplessness in the situation as pain sours through his entire body from the spear in his chest. But he doesn't let it get a hold of him. Even in this moment, he can choose his end. His immortal spirit blinds him beyond the pain. Even for a life he didn't choose, his last wish is to die fighting, beside his comrades. He can't lay down praying in vain for his wound to heal, that would be the act of a coward. If he must depart anyways, he wants to do so in the peak of his knighthood- with a sword in hand as a true warrior.
Absolutely beautiful work!
Hi, Rookie! I loved the first poem in this trilogy, so I decided to read and review this one as well. I was not disappointed! Did I mention that I love knights? Like a lot??? They’re cool. :>
Hearing the knight accept his final defeat is very touching. His dichotomy is felt between his despair in the uselessness of battle and his desire to fight with his fellow knights once more.
The only thing I would say for advice is I think the comma after “afraid” in line one is incorrect.
One of my favorite parts is in lines 3 and 4. No matter how many times the knight has won, it won’t prevent his demise. It reminds me of modern life. You can succeed so much in the past, but that is always forgotten. The boss always asks “what have you done for me today?”
If you ever decide to write and publish part 3, I’d love to see it! Thanks for writing this one; it’s great!