We have fallen to the lowest of depths...
We are broken and torn.
Our standard, flag, and legions are all burned down and stabbed.
But the revolution of an empire will continue,
For empires never die.
They may have taken our rights,
They may have destroyed our industry,
They may have killed our emperor.
But no matter how much spears are thrown at us,
No matter how much cannons are fired,
We will arise from the ashes of this sworn enemy,
And hold this fort until the cavalry storms.
For life's matters are not stained,
If we have different opinions.
Why split over language, when victory stands right behind?
We were always meant to be something greater.
Once again, our empire will arise.
Once again, we will guide ourselves to better times.
Once again, our lives will leave a mark.
I pray, once again, everyone will be kind hearted.
For our indomitable, indefatigable, unconquerable insignia knows no defeat.
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Hi there, Rooke! I wanted to stop by and leave some thoughts on this lovely poem of yours. It caught my attention right away. It seems like the writer is feeling a strong sense of this desire to rise up and gain pride for their country again. Right from the beginning of the poem, you mentioned how this country has fallen into its lowest depths. This makes me wonder if it was based on a real country today, perhaps where you live, or if it is about a made up place. It seems like it's based on something real, but then you use words like emperor that make me think that it might be based upon some thing else. Anyways, you speak as of this country has been destroyed and burned down, like it is just gone through a massive war.
I especially loved the section. You repeatedly use the word "they". Makes me wonder, who is they? Is this a group that has sought out to destroy you? Or perhaps someone within the country who disagrees with your own values. Are the spears literal or are they symbols of something else. You speak in a very elegant way, which is what makes me think this may be based upon a fictional story. I really love the language that you use though. I like how you use words like cavalry. It paints this really beautiful picture in my mind as I'm reading this, like I'm watching this massive battle unfold in this group that is fighting for freedom and won't give up. Overall, I can see your determination and your desire for things to change, which I think is really beautiful and well done.
I think that these were my favorite lines. You ask this question of why divide ourselves when we can be united. We are always meant to be together, to be stronger, and to be able to conquer these battles if we join together, yet we make the decision to weaken ourselves by standing alone. You use the example of language and having different opinions, which I thought went well with the rest of the story.
The last line of this poem was definitely a mouthful to say, but it was so beautiful and powerful. Overall, reading this poem, I got a sense of strength and unity and desire to be strong with others. Thank you very much for reading this review and for writing this wonderful poem. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Your friend,
Ellie
Hello there! I see you have wrote a nice little review for me. Well, the thing about this poem is, I made the language complex and full of metaphors so people can relate to it or translate it in their own way. For me, the rise and fall of empires mean the glory days of our own lives, because I happen to roll between rise and fall a lot. And in any case, unifying for victory over differences is something everyone should always do. Thank you for reviewing, and cheers!
Hi, Rookie! I think this is the second poem of yours I'm reviewing, and I love your work!
I want to say that I adore the line "We will arise from the ashes of our sworn enemy." It implies that the enemy will be so completely destroyed that they literally become ashes! The line "why split over language, when victory stands right behind?" is also awesome. Tell that to any political movement! We can win if united.
I don't have much for constructive criticism (I'm not a great poet anyway, lol), but the line "life's matters are not stained" seems a little confusing.
Either way, I love this poem! Great work!
Once again, thank you for giving me a review! In the case of "life's matters are not stained", I pictured it as no matter what you believe in or have an opinion on, no one should mock you for being different. I know it sounds confusing, so just ask when you do have confusion!