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125,005 Literary Works • 672,797 Reviews
The no capitizalation gets to me on this poem. Putting that aside though, I enjoyed this poem very much. I also like your nose referencing from your last poem. Also I'm pretty sure it's just a typo at the end, but "to give my this unsightly..." I think you meant "me" instead of "my".
Hi there fortis! Niteowl here to review for the Mystery Machine this fine Review Day!
Overall, I think this is beautiful. I have to say the second stanza is my favorite, even though I think the first line would read better as "for hours and hours I could croon."
However, I don't like the first stanza as much. The punctuation is weird--I think there needs to be a comma after "knows". Also the knows/shows rhyme feels so forced, especially in comparison to the last two rhymes. I like the first line, but the third line is awkward: "always fully shows" is kind of ugly. Perhaps "on her, it always shows"? Or maybe you could replace "resplendent"? It doesn't quite fit anyway--you go from a flower to waves to something shiny?
Overall, this is great, I would just rethink that first stanza. Keep writing!
Totally agree with this short poem, short poems surprisingly (well some of them) have a lot of meaning, like I'm assuming this is about one girl is much more better looking than the other girl. I hate going to school because I'm surrounded by so much prettier girls than me which lowers my self esteem, and lowers my percent chance of getting a boy friend XD But then I realized you don't need to be gorgeous, all I need is my thoughts X) I'm so weird.
Oh my how well the angels chose
to give her the beauty and how poor
to give my this unsightly nose.
I really like this, it made me smile but also it made me sadden a bit, which I liked. Because if a writer can impact a reader to feel something with unspoken words, that is one great writer, and you my friend are one of those great writers. I've been trying to read all you parts, but I haven't read all yet, but so far what I've been reading, My emotions had been tugged here and there, making me smile, sometimes bringing back memories, tears glossing my eyes, and the cold creeps up on me at times. Astoundingly great job! I hope for you to continue on with this poetry of your, It truly beautiful, thanks you for sharing your talents amongst us readers and of course as always Rock on! XD
I seriously love these poems that you are writing titled "7 Ways to reach the moon."
They're quite fascinating. Like the person below, I loved the flow of this one. I am still a bit lost as to what exactly is happening because of the brevity of your poems but I enjoy reading them nonetheless. I notice that you consistently refer to your nose. At first I thought you were hinting at nosiness; as in you (or whoever is being referred to here) is so caught up in the business of their ex-lover. Much like a stalker. But with the constant repetition of the "ugliness" or presence of a nose, I wonder if my assumptions are even close to being right.
I am at awe by this. Why is the nose so prevalent in these poems?
Would you mind telling? (;
But keep on writing!! I am following each poem all the way!
If you've read Cyrano De Bergerac you'd know, but he has a huge nose that he thinks is a monstrosity, and that's the thing that's making him feel ugly enough to not deserve roxanne, the woman he loves, so it's a constant battle inside of him. I highly recommend the play, but even reading the sparknotes or whatever might help you understand. ^_^
o;
Heading to the local library right now!
Thanks for telling me o;
Hey Fortis, great poem. You kept up the smooth flow from the previous parts and continued rhyming. But I have one nitpick. That last line "to give my this unsightly... nose" I think you meant "me". Besides that the poem is great, so I am expecting the same for the next part.