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140,561 Literary Works • 673,440 Reviews
Hello love! So first and foremost, lovely. This and the first one are my favorites. I love the structure of the two poems and they both read so effortlessly. I love how the poem ends. Good job and keep writing!
Fruit4you out!
Okay, we're almost done here. Fahrvergnügen Fahrvergnügen Fahrvergnügen
Okay, so this is a lovely if sad conclusion to the tale. I haven't actually seen or read the play this is based on, so I have to assume it's a fair adaptation.
Couple nitpicks:
"Did I ever tell you that/that I love you?" Was the repeated "that" intentional. I think it would be just fine without.
"Funny how you had seemed to forget me". I think this would flow better if you took out "had" and it wouldn't make a big difference grammatically.
"I've always thought..." Again, I think just "I always thought" is better here.
Overall, this was a good series and you are an amazing poet. Forgive me for being a bit rusty on this whole reviewing thing (apparently the last one I wrote was in June. Seriously.) Keep writing!
Hey!
I don't know how you got your stanza spacing to look like this, but it looks great and the flow is nice. I've found that with most of the stuff I read by you, the lack of rhyming doesn't bug me, which is really cool! I'm usually ridiculously sensitive to that.
I didn't see any errors...
Anyways, I really like the idea behind it, and the slightly darker ending. It makes you sit back and think... and then reread it! XD
Great job, fortis!
This was a very beautiful piece of writing. It flowed very nicely and it was very pretty. I loved how well you described everything and how you used the paragraphing to add a little extra to it. This sounds like a piece that has come from a professional writer. I could see your writing becoming famous on this website. You have a great mind. Keep up the good work!