A/N: This will be a project based on the play Cyrano De Bergerac by Edmond Rostand. It's a good play, I highly recommend it, although you don't have to have read it to enjoy this poetry.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,797 Reviews
I loved the last stanza , it was beautifully written. Great Job. I hope to hear more of the poems soon.
Fruit4you here to review.
This is what I'm talking about! The not capitalizing every line works here, and you separated your lines and stanzas perfectly! It was a smooth and beautiful read. I also agree with niteowl on his nitpicking. This is a terrific poem and I'm going to enjoy reading the rest of the set.
Keep writing, Fruit4you
Hi there fortis! Okay so I decided to start at the beginning to finish reviewing these this fine Review Day!
This is going to be pathetically short, though, since this is just amazing. It perfectly captures that nostalgic feeling, looking back on that perfect childhood (why did we want to grow up, amirite?). Only a few real quibbles:
1) I think there should be a comma after "playing" in the second line, though that might be that pesky Oxford comma.
2) I like the rope swing metaphor, but "ups and downs of life" just seems so...plain? cliche? I don't have any real suggestions though, other than maybe you could take the line out entirely.
3) OK this is my nitpicky scientist sense tingling...you do know that the moon is past the atmosphere right? Plus I think "flying through the atmosphere/until our fingertips..." would sound better than "atmospherically", but that might just be me.
OK so that was longer than I thought. Great job, keep writing and I can't wait to read the whole thing.
I like how this poem began, but this has a rather awkward ending. The use of the second person makes it sound as though you're talking to the reader, but I didn't have those adventures with you. So how can I relate? Other possibility--you are not talking to the reader. I wouldn't understand that either because you don't identify whom you are talking to. You use no name and suddenly say "you" as if the reader has been mentally recounting these events as you mention them. I think that's weird. I advise you to do one of two things: either do not address the reader or say "you" at the beginning so that the reader realizes he is included. Make it personal by saying something like "You and I were children" so that people know the "we" includes them before the end.
I like the rhythm to this at the beginning, but it lessens once I reach about the line "with our rope swing." Also, your meter is completely nonstandard. When I saw this, I thought you might be trying for a figure poem, but the meter is still inconsistent. I like the line about thinking you would never grow old though. That really is how children are. They play and make friends with a sense of urgency but talk about their lives as if they would live forever. Furthermore, there's some good imagery here and I like it. Somehow, I retain the feeling this must be a figure poem. Anyway, you did a good job. The lines create an interesting shape that looks like the moon or like a tree, bent and standing crookedly on the ground. Although I didn't think much of it at first, I enjoyed this after reading it again a few times. I also rather like the imagery about swiping the moon: it is my favorite part of the whole poem. I'll be interested to see part 2. Good job, fortis.
Really nice poetry, I enjoyed it.
This was a very good poem, I enjoyed it, thoroughly!
It made me feel a sense of nostalgia, from when I was younger, and first making friends. It also makes me feel as though it's someone talking about who they've lost. In a sense, it felt peaceful, yet heartbreaking at the same time. And I might just check out that play you mentioned, it sounds interesting. Good job, on this poem.