“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often we call a man cold when he is only sad.”
— Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
The early morning light streamed through the windows of Kukui’s room, casting soft shadows on the walls. Her phone buzzed faintly on the bedside table, but she didn’t move to check it. Instead, she lay on her side, her gaze fixed on the ceiling, lost in thought.
The faint scent of incense wafted through the air, mingling with the aroma of tea from the kitchen. Outside, birds chirped intermittently, their melodies a sharp contrast to the heavy stillness in her chest.
“Breakfast is ready,” came the soft voice of the shrine guardian from the other room. It was calm, almost melodic, carrying a warmth that didn’t demand but rather offered.
Kukui sighed, pulling herself up slowly. The scars on her arms, still raw and pink, caught the morning light, a stark reminder of the days she couldn’t bring herself to leave her bed. But today was different. She didn’t feel better—she didn’t feel healed—but she felt…something. A small ember of movement, of a desire to reach for whatever lay beyond the haze of her mind.
She pulled on a loose cardigan over her tank top, her fingers brushing against the fabric like a shield. As she walked into the main room of the shrine’s modest quarters, she found the shrine guardian setting two steaming cups of tea on the table. The guardian’s black hair was neatly tied back, her school uniform immaculate, even in the casual setting.
“Good morning,” the guardian said, her smile faint but genuine. “I made green tea. It’s supposed to help with clarity.”
Kukui sat down hesitantly, her hands curling around the warm ceramic cup. “Thanks,” she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper.
The guardian, who had introduced herself as Miko only days before, studied Kukui with quiet curiosity. “You’re adjusting well,” she said, her tone light but with a hint of encouragement. “It’s not easy to step out of the shadows we build for ourselves.”
Kukui looked down at her tea, the surface rippling slightly as she tightened her grip. “It doesn’t feel like stepping out,” she admitted. “It feels like…I’m just waiting. For something to pull me back in.”
Miko nodded, her expression thoughtful. “Sometimes, waiting is part of the process. But waiting doesn’t mean doing nothing. Even small steps count.”
Kukui glanced at Miko, her dark eyes searching for something in the other girl’s calm demeanor. “How do you do it?” she asked softly. “How do you stay so…put together?”
Miko let out a soft laugh, a sound that was more reflective than amused. “You think I’m put together? That’s generous.” She leaned forward, her elbows resting on the table as she held her cup with both hands. “I live here with my grandmother. My mom’s away, traveling for work. This shrine is…my anchor, I guess. It’s not perfect, but it reminds me that some things are worth holding on to.”
The words settled over Kukui like a soft blanket, warm and light. She traced the rim of her cup with her thumb, her thoughts drifting to Kei.
Later that morning, Kukui decided to leave the shrine for the first time in days. The narrow path leading into town was lined with cherry blossoms, their late blooms fluttering gently in the breeze. The sunlight danced through the branches, casting shifting patterns on the ground.
Her steps were slow, almost hesitant, but each one felt like an act of defiance against the pull to retreat. As she reached the outskirts of the school campus, she spotted Kei leaning against a lamppost, his phone in his hands.
“Kei,” she called, her voice breaking slightly. He looked up, surprise flashing across his face before it softened into a smile. “Kukui. Hey.”
She approached, her hands fidgeting with the hem of her cardigan. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“I was about to text you,” Kei admitted. “I wanted to check on you. It’s been…a while.”
Kukui’s gaze dropped to the ground, guilt pooling in her chest. “Yeah. Sorry about that.”
“Don’t apologize,” Kei said quickly, stepping closer. “I just…I was worried.”
The sincerity in his voice made Kukui’s throat tighten. She swallowed hard, forcing herself to meet his eyes. “I’m okay,” she said, though her voice trembled slightly. “Better than I was.”
Kei hesitated, his gaze dropping to her arms. “Your wrists…”
“They’re healing,” Kukui said quietly, pulling her sleeves down instinctively. “Miko’s been…helpful.”
Kei tilted his head. “Miko?”
“The shrine guardian,” Kukui explained. “She’s…she’s different. But in a good way.”
Kei smiled faintly. “I’m glad you’ve got someone like that.”
They walked together in silence for a while, the sounds of the town filling the gaps between their words. As they passed the school garden, Kukui paused, her gaze drifting to the bench where she used to sit with Marin.
“Do you ever feel like…you’re stuck between who you were and who you’re supposed to be?” she asked suddenly, her voice barely above a whisper.
Kei stopped, turning to face her. “All the time,” he admitted. “But I think…I think that’s just part of figuring things out. We’re not supposed to have all the answers.”
Kukui looked at him, her eyes glistening faintly. “You’ve changed, Kei. You’re…different.”
He shrugged, his gaze distant. “Maybe. I don’t know if it’s for the better.”
“It is,” Kukui said firmly. “You’re stronger now. Even if you don’t see it.”
Kei smiled faintly, though the weight of her words settled heavily in his chest. “Thanks, Kukui.”
As the sun climbed higher, the two of them parted ways.
End of chapter
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Hmmm I wonder if we ever got a name for the president. It’s been so long since I read the last chapters of Eternal Beauty.
Oh I do like how they are hyping up the president the same way they were talking about the vice president in the earlier chapters. It feels like a callback. Even if ofc their personalities are different. Marin had this whole “she consumes you” reputation going (and they were right)
Now I do wonder how Marin and the prez actually get along and what made Marin the best candidate for vice president~
Oh I like how everyone immediately adapts their behaviour for Kaori~
And I’m also wondering how much she knows.
While I rly like that she says it in these words: “The sports festival is an opportunity to showcase what makes Ujui exceptional” this is the second time in a very short chapter that you describe her voice as “calm”.
Ohh that final Marin reaction is very peculiar. Kei interprets it as her also being affected. But maybe Kaori has something over Marin? Or maybe Marin wants her job? I am v curious for the future!
Nice chapter for the continuation.
(Remember to go fix that other chapter up :3)
Hi Tikaya! It is a pleasure to hear from you!! I did fix the chapter mishap. I don't know how I overlooked that.
okay, this looks like a new chapter for real this time!
I really like the use of conspiratorial. It's kind of conveyed by how contrarian she is already being, but it does a good job in just one word of telling us exactly how the exchange is going down.
If her expression is unreadable, then how can Kei sense tension? I understand that it's supposed to show that he can read Marin even with guards up, but it kind of just reads as an oxymoron the way it is here. Maybe you could even say, "Her expression was unreadable, save for the tapping fingers that Kei recognized were outsourcing the tension hidden below."
Add a comma after "silent"
I like this angle of how she speaks. It isn't disrespectful or demanding, and yet it feels like there is severe expectation from her.
This is a super effective and efficient way of describing her presence. I really like it.
I do wish we got a bit more this chapter. We didn't actually learn much besides Kaori is a strict and expectant President, but I feel like we already knew that more or less. This chapter also felt very distant from any sort of POV. Most has been from Kei's and it's been intimate. I feel that we could have learned more about Kaori's presence and how Kei reacts to it.
~Messy