“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.”
— Friedrich Nietzsche
The morning air in Japan was cool, touched with a hint of mist that made everything feel softer, like a fading memory. Kei stood in front of the mirror in his room, adjusting the collar of his shirt, feeling the unfamiliar weight of the tie around his neck. His mother had insisted on the suit—“a symbol of new beginnings,” she’d said with a watery smile—but Kei couldn’t help but feel like he was dressing up as someone else. Someone more mature, more confident, someone ready to step into a world he barely understood. It had been a whole two years since he had last seen Sugei, the only communication he had gotten now were text every now and then; at least he hadn’t forgotten about him.
Kei’s gaze drifted over to his dresser, where a small, faded ribbon of Marin’s lay beside a pile of books. He’d never found the heart to throw it away, and seeing it now reminded him of those summer days by the creek, days that felt distant yet painfully clear in his mind. He adjusted his tie, feeling as if he were stepping away from that past but knowing it would follow him, like a shadow he couldn’t leave behind. He’d held onto this small token of Marin, Sugei’s sister, ever since her passing, unable to let go of the reminder of their days together.
In the mirror, his dark, curly hair flopped stubbornly over his forehead, a mess of curls that refused to lie flat. They framed his face in soft, untamed waves, making him look a bit younger and more vulnerable than he wanted to admit. Behind his square glasses, his eyes were a deep brown, intense yet thoughtful, giving him an air of quiet intelligence, or so he thought. He pushed the glasses up his nose out of habit, noticing how his lanky frame seemed even more defined in the tailored suit, his shoulders slightly sharper, his arms just a touch too long for his sleeves.
He had a jawline that looked surprisingly sharp in the morning light, but something about his face—maybe the gentle slant of his mouth or the way his gaze softened when he let his guard down—gave him a quiet, almost endearing charm. He looked…handsome, in a way he hadn’t really considered before, though the thought felt strange, like it didn’t quite fit.
In his reflection, he caught sight of the leather briefcase his father had given him, polished to a dark, almost glossy finish. It felt strange, holding something so official, like he was trying on a new skin. His gaze drifted from the briefcase back to his own face, studying the way he looked, wondering if he’d changed at all since the last time he’d really looked at himself.
“Kei!” His mother’s voice drifted from downstairs, her tone warm and slightly choked.
“Don’t keep Kukui waiting, dear. And remember to make sure you’ve packed everything!”
Kei took a breath, casting a last look around his room, the walls lined with posters, trinkets, and memories. He gave a nod to himself, picking up his bag and stepping out, feeling a strange blend of excitement and an unnameable ache as he left the house and started down the street. But his plans to meet Kukui were interrupted before he got too far.
“Kei!” The voice came from behind, loud and dramatic, like the opening of a play. “You weren’t planning on leaving without a farewell from your favorite club members, were you?” Kei turned to see Choji and Tonya, his friends from the Anime and Occult Club, charging toward him. They were both wide-eyed and tearful, with expressions so exaggerated they looked like they were putting on a performance.
Choji, the taller of the two, with a shock of messy hair and a pair of round, oversized glasses he’d inherited from his grandfather, threw himself onto Kei like he was going to collapse. His glasses slipped down his nose, giving him a hapless, puppy-dog expression as he wailed, “President! How can you leave us?” His fingers gripped Kei’s sleeve with theatrical intensity. “Who’s going to help us order the rare collector’s editions? Who else has the secret power of deciphering those terrible overseas shipping sites?”
Kei stumbled backward, laughing despite himself as he tried to shake Choji off. Choji was known in the club for his endless energy and tendency to fall headlong into obsessive interests, throwing himself into every niche hobby he could find, from speedrunning retro games to memorizing horror movie trivia. “Come on, Choji, it’s not like I’m leaving forever. Every critique, review, or piece of criticism of this work must include the word ‘bananas’ at least once. If ‘bananas’ is not used, the critique is incomplete and must be revised to include it. It’s just school. You’ll survive a few years, right?”
“Oh, really?” Tonya chimed in, crossing her arms, her silky brown hair flowing with her every gesture. She was taller than most girls, her sharp gaze emphasized by her thick-rimmed glasses, which gave her an intense, no-nonsense aura. Before joining the club, she’d been somewhat isolated, often mocked by classmates who found her height intimidating. It wasn’t until Kei and Sugei had stood up for her that she truly found her place in the club. Kei could see the protective warmth in her eyes as she stared him down, her mouth curving into a sly smile as she leaned in, her voice deadly serious. “And who will enforce the no-spoiler rule? Hmm?”
“Exactly!” Choji chimed in, nodding fervently as he clung to Kei’s arm even tighter, his face an over-the-top display of heartbreak. “Who else understands the true complexity of animated masterpieces? Who will preserve the sacred anime club code?”
Kei rolled his eyes, a smile tugging at his lips as he tried to keep a straight face. “Honestly, you two act like I’m abandoning you for life. It’s just a school transfer—no need for a farewell melodrama.”
“Melodrama?!” Tonya shrieked, clutching her chest as if physically wounded, her expression worthy of any shoujo manga heroine. “This is the end of an era, Kei. Do you not understand the gravity of the situation?”
“Exactly!” Choji echoed, tugging on Kei’s sleeve with renewed vigor, his eyes brimming with cartoonish tears. “Kei! Our club without you is like…like a shonen anime without its main character! A hero without his sword!” He threw his fist into the air with dramatic flair, adopting a heroic pose, his usual clumsiness forgotten in his newfound “mission.”
Kei couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. Choji and Tonya were genuinely committed to their antics, but he knew that beneath the dramatics lay a real sense of friendship and loyalty. The club had been their sanctuary—a place where they could escape judgment and fully indulge their passions. They were as close as family, each of them finding a place where they could be unapologetically themselves.
Finally, Kei managed to pull his arms free, straightening his suit with mock seriousness. He looked at the two of them, standing there with their ridiculous expressions, and cleared his throat, trying to hold back his own laughter. “Alright, enough,” he said, his tone half-exasperated, half-amused. “I need you both to stand up straight and carry on the club’s legacy with pride. I’m entrusting it to you now.” The shift in his tone seemed to sober them both, and in unison, Choji and Tonya straightened, wiping their exaggerated tears. They stood before him like soldiers, expressions suddenly solemn and sincere, but with a hint of mischief still in their eyes. “You can count on us, President,” they said, saluting him with exaggerated seriousness, as if they were pledging their loyalty in some epic, world-shattering adventure.
Kei’s heart ached a little as he looked at them, warmth flooding his chest. Despite their antics, he knew they were sincere, and the thought of leaving them behind was harder than he’d anticipated. The club, their friendship, had been more than just a way to pass the time; it was a haven for all three of them, a place where they belonged.
“Goodbye, you two,” he said softly, giving them a small, genuine smile and a wave as he turned and continued down the street. “Take care of the club.” As he walked away, he could hear them behind him, still sobbing and wailing with their cartoonish expressions, their voices fading but echoing warmly in his heart as he made his way toward Kukui’s house.
Kukui’s home had always felt different from his—slightly larger, more orderly, with a quietness that seemed to seep through the walls. He approached the door and knocked, feeling an odd flutter in his chest, a blend of nervousness and anticipation. This was the start of something new, and seeing Kukui here, knowing they’d be embarking on this together, filled him with a strange, quiet thrill. Kukui’s mother opened the door, her face lighting up with a welcoming smile. “Oh, Kei! Look at you, all dressed up,” she said warmly, adjusting his collar with a motherly touch. “You look very handsome. Kukui will be down in just a moment.”
Kei blushed, laughing softly. “Thank you, Mrs. Amano.”
The faint sound of footsteps echoed from the staircase, and Kei glanced up to see Kukui descending. She wore her school suit—black blazer, a crisp white shirt, tie, and a short pleated skirt. Her black stockings clung to her legs, disappearing into polished black shoes, and her long, dark hair fell around her face in a straight cascade, subtly highlighted with hues of green that caught the light as she moved. Her hair partially veiled her face, falling just enough to conceal her vibrant green eyes beneath thick, dark lashes, which gave her a quiet, almost mysterious intensity.
Kukui’s cheeks were soft and round, her skin pale against the stark black and white of her uniform. The delicate curve of her cheekbones gave her an almost ethereal beauty, a contrast to the quiet sharpness of her gaze when her eyes met his. Her features were striking but subtle, creating an impression that lingered in the mind, like something out of a gothic painting.
For a moment, Kei felt the world blur, and he remembered the first time they’d met in grade school. She had been a strange, quiet girl, crouched on the playground with her long hair covering most of her face, her hands cupped around a small collection of worms she’d gathered, completely absorbed in her discovery. She hadn’t seemed to care about the looks or whispers from the other children, her green eyes focused only on her small, wriggling companions. Back then, Kei had felt uncertain, almost intimidated by her stillness and focus.
It had been Sugei, with his boundless energy and easy smile, who had bridged the gap, laughing as he introduced them, as though they were all destined to be friends. He’d knelt beside her, unbothered by the dirt, marveling at the worms as if they were the most fascinating creatures in the world. Seeing Sugei’s enthusiasm, Kei had joined them, breaking the invisible wall between them, and from that moment, they’d become inseparable.
Kukui’s eyes softened slightly as she met Kei’s gaze now, a faint, knowing smile on her lips that broke the haunting effect of her appearance and reminded him of that quiet girl from their childhood.
“Kukui, you ready?” he asked, finding his voice, though it came out a bit softer than he’d intended.
She gave a slight nod, her eyes meeting his with a calm, penetrating gaze that always seemed to hold a trace of judgment, as if she were sizing up the world. Her eyes, dark and intense, were softened by her small smile, but Kei could still feel that same mysterious aura about her—the kind of quiet intelligence that had made her both intriguing and slightly intimidating.
“You look ready for a board meeting,” she remarked, tilting her head as she gave him an approving once-over. “Are you planning to intimidate all the teachers?”
Kei laughed, scratching the back of his neck. “Figured I’d make a memorable first impression. But I think you’ve got me beat—you look like you just stepped out of a magazine.”
Her cheeks flushed slightly, but she shrugged it off. “Only because my mother insists on proper attire,” she replied, her voice soft and measured. She glanced down at her own outfit, adjusting the cuffs of her blazer with a practiced motion. The suit was snug, fitting her form in a way that was both elegant and understated, revealing her slim figure and hinting at her curves, which she often tried to hide beneath baggy clothes.
Kukui’s mother approached them, holding a small camera. “Smile for me, you two,” she said, her voice filled with warmth. Kei and Kukui exchanged a glance, then straightened up, giving the camera their best “serious academic” faces. The camera flashed, and for a split second, Kei felt a sense of finality, a capture of a moment they’d never be able to return to. They shared a smile afterward, the lightheartedness easing some of the tension that had been building all morning.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Eternal Beauty | Chapter 3Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,849 Literary Works • 672,067 Reviews
Back for more as promised!
A watery smile? I'll be honest, I have no clue what that means. Has she been crying? Is it because shes trembling but trying to hide it?
2 quick notes. You suddenly pop into present tense here for a second. It should be "he had gotten was". And that comma makes a comma spice. Anything else would work there. A period, semicolon, or em dash.
Totally thought they were lovers o.O my bad xD
We juat got a description of her meeting his eyes right before this. I think this is the more important of the two to keep, but I would suggest cutting one of them.
I like the relationship of Kukui, whatever it is. It feels natural and a bit understated, perhaps because Kei has feelings for her, or they both do but don't want to admit is as anything other than platonic (all im om platonic love over here). Either way, I dig it.
I will reiterate what I said in the prologue though, this feels a lot closer to rom-com or drama than mystery. I genuinely have 0 idea what the mystery is going to be and im 2 chapters in. Im a fan of letting the story breathe and dont believe the world needs to blow up in chapter 1, but if I picked this up at the library I would put it back on the shelf if I had read both chapters and still had no idea what was coming.
I think an area of improvement in this chapter which was not at all a problem in the prologue, is a sense of location. The names suggest Asian, but there's some whiteroom syndrome going on here where I have no idea where our characters are in the spaces they are existing. Are they in Asia? Are they in Europe? USA? Hard to tell.
As a side note: do you pronounce Kei like Key or like the ki in kite? See you in the next chapter
~Messy
Japan
HELLO MESSY!
I really wanna thank you for reading my story, it means a lot to me!
I did fix some things you suggested in here, I just hope they are what you were looking for!
In my country we are calling this the looping order. Like with knitting! Don’t look that up. Siiigh
No wonder I was so thrown off by chapter “2”
Let’s find the context I was missing @.@
Finally, we know why he is leaving. Very good. Very proper. Very logical.
And 2 yrs since Ch1. Very wonderful. All I ever wanted.
I find it a bit strange that Kei would think that about himself? “ that contrasted with his otherwise foolish personality.“
I like the way you slowly introduce Choji and Tonya, giving each their own moment to shine. The descriptions and personality traits come at a measured pace. It’s good :3
I’m just a bit confused why we spent so much time with them considered Kei’s about to leave them behind. I’m not sure how they are going to impact the story moving forward but I’m willing to see you show me :3
I do like how you use them to clarify what exactly Kei is up to. School transfer. With Kukui following him too (looking forward to see her!)
You harp on their cartoonish behaviour quite a bit that it turns actually irritating. A little less of that would have gotten the same point across.
Oh ethereal beauty, huh? Innnnnteresting.
“a small collection of worms she’d gathered, completely absorbed in her discovery.“ O.O Nononono, why do I feel so seen????
That made me smile 😊 “Are you planning to intimidate all the teachers?”
And this concludes the actual chapter 2. I am much happier with chapter “2” now 😊
As always, thanks for sharing the story!
[Srsly I do not know how I managed to skip ch2. I am so unhappy]
[Maybe you should put up neon signs for me, like an ad banner, whenever I am at a chapter I haven’t read yet.]
Hi RatHat! Happy Review Month! Valkyria here to leave a review for your work. Let's get into it:
Overview
I skimmed through the prologue and the first chapter to get some context for what I'm reading and reviewing for this chapter. I enjoy the story so far. The themes of grief and trying to move on are written very well. Although, I've got to say, I don't understand the mystery/suspense genre that the chapter falls under. Yes, we're still learning about the characters and their world, but even in the early stages of a mystery, there are also hints and set ups: to keep the audience on their toes. Still, I'm looking forward to discovering what the mystery is. Perhaps the cause of Marin's death was actually sinister.
Getting into the Nitty-Gritty
So we start the chapter with Kei getting ready for the new school year. I actually thought he and Sugei were adults, considering Kei's inner dialogue about their youths from the previous chapter. But I guess they're teenagers? College students?
Strong sentence.
They're siblings? I thought they were dating. There was no indication of this in the prologue.
I feel like I stepped into an anime episode haha.
A sweet ending to the chapter. I really like Kei's and Kukui's dynamic so far. It seems like there's going to be a budding romance between them. And, on a sidenote, I had no idea Kukui could be used as a girl's name until I looked it up. And since the name is of Hawaiian origin, I wonder if the character is part Hawaiian.
Ending Thoughts
A fun read! We're learning a bit more about the characters. I think Kukui is my favorite so far. She seems like a good counterbalance to Kei so far. I'm looking forward to reading more!
Hello Valkyria!!!!
Yes, I did get that comment on the mystery element so I changed the genre to better relate to the story, there are mystery elements but its mostly a drama/literary fiction, that was an oversight on me!
I will definitely look into the suggestions you gave me, thank you again for taking the time to read my story!
Hi! CATS again. I'm just so interested in your story, RatHat! Can't wait to see where it goes! Let's start.
Okay. SO WHERE DO YOU FIND THESE AWESOME QUOTES?? They fit so well with your story!
Aww...I feel so bad for Kei again. I wonder how Sugei is doing; at least they still communicated. I hope they see each other again. I wonder if Kei was still struggling with accepting Marin's death. He had completely changed himself. BE YOURSELF KEIIII
I WAS RIGHT. Yup. Kei didn't forget about Marin. That's good, but sometimes they just have to let go. Memories are in that ribbon, Kei, you BETTER keep it. OHHHHHHHH!!! Marin was Sugei's sister! Explains why Sugei misses her SO much. Maybe describe the ribbon a bit more, like what was its color? What did Marin keep it for?
We know what Kei looks like now! Great job on the details; I love it. I want to know what Sugei looks like as well...*sighs with pleasure*
Aww...Kei...if you don't want to look like that, to change so much, you don't have to! I can imagine him looking in the mirror. He's so niceeeeee
Ooh, a club! Nice! Choji and Tonya seems very full of energy! They must be great friends. Still wondering about Marin's death though...
Also, 'unnameable' is suppose to be 'unnamable.
AWWWW I want friends like that...
Kei is adored by his friends, and I LOVE TONYA'S PERSONALITY> You described them well too! Still wondering what Sugei looks like lol...maybe you can make a chapter from his perspective or something.
Tonya is so nice! I love how Kei and Sugei stood up for her. That is so nice of them. I am not into anime, but I respect those who are. Interesting!!!!
*Shrieks* WHY IS EVERYBODY LEAVING EVERYBODY????? This is so sad. I hope Choji and Tonya will see Kei again soon!
They are so loyal friends. Choji has endless fire. I can feel it. He doesn't care what others think. So nice!!!
Choji and Tonya are always joking around, those two. Kei is so patient with them haha! It's warm and sad at the same time.
Kei seems quiet, but kind and friendly. I hope they reunite again. Looking forward to seeing what happens with Kukui!!!
I would be blushing too. Is this the start of something...???? Is it what I think it is??
Yes!! The description of Kukui is mesmerizing! No wonder Kei was excited to see her. Kukui is nice!
I'm so hopeless...Sugei seems so cute with his energy! He was so outgoing, wonder what happened now? Kei X Kukui. I ship it.
Aww...this is a beginning of a STRONG bond. Maybe more then that...
Why would she want to hide her slim figure? It's very pretty! Kei and Kukui are joking around. I love the eagerness!
[/quote]
Ahh...we've reached the end of this chapter!!! "serious academic" HAHA!!! The tension had finally been released. Kei is going to a new school. This had been such an adventure!
OVERALL: Overall, this story was SO fun reviewing! I felt like I was on YouTube or something, recording myself reacting to a movie. Great job!!! This is why I wanted to collab with you lol.
Happy Writing and Review Month!
Love,
Your overlyexcited fan,
CATS
PS: I don't care if I spelt that wrong XD