Dear Ex-Lover

Dear Justin,

I waited so long for you to come home. I fantasized about how you had changed because my leaving effected you, or how you would react to my physical beauty changing, bettering because I had been away from you. When you hopped into my car around two in the morning, and the only thing you could comment on was the amount of trash on my floor boards, I quickly realized nothing had changed, and my heart would still forever be yours. You wanted to make out in the car, and all I wanted to do was drive away with you into the sunset and prove to myself you weren't the monster I had created in my head.

You told me about some small adventures in Colorado and talked about how you came home to better yourself, turn yourself in, and fix the disaster you had created for a life. I was full of optimism, and I couldn't wait until I could see all those things unfold in your life. I had missed you for three hundred and sixty five days. Every second holding your hand, laughing with you, and looking into your eyes didn't seem long enough.

I look back now and realize you just wanted to trap me. You didn't miss me. You didn't enjoy being around me or seeing me after so long. You wanted enough evidence to prove I was a crazy ex-girlfriend and my word couldn't possibly hold up in court. You wanted to case my house to have your family burglarize my home in the following weeks, and you wanted to make sure you could successfully take apart my car and steal it.

The night I came over to your house and wanted nothing in return but some of your hugs and to hear you laugh, you viciously spread a date rape drug all over the inside of my car; you abandoned me with your family, who you know I am not comfortable with, and you refused to face me like the coward you are. I couldn't drive home, but after trying, the date rape drug quickly effected me because, as you know, I am allergic to it, and my anxiety quickly accumulated to a whole new level of PTSD.

Once again, I felt stuck in Arizona; I couldn't control my breathing, and I felt as though around every corner you waited for me to turn so you could attack me. Even after the police got there, I was highly terrified and couldn't make out a complete sentence. Depression can't compare to the feeling of betrayal I felt that night. I had waited a whole year for you to come home, so I could love you, and for the whole last year, you have viciously waited to permanently scar me because you don't know how to love.

So, here I am again, slowly trying to heal form the damage you expel upon me, and my heart still searches for you in the middle of the night; my soul still yearns for yours in the early morning hours, and I will forever wonder why I wasn't ever enough to be loved by you.

Forever,

Your Lovey