Written for those who were hurt by this person, or someone like them
And to this person - I hate you<3 (even though you will never see this))
I count the victims of your hate.
The souls you left broken.
The people who cry tears in your name.
I hear your screams of hatred, to one who never deserved it.
Is see you turn from the only ones who loved you .
I saw your mask drop, the one you used to fool us.
That made us believe your soul was pure.
I saw the lies that spring from your lips, dripping as easily as a waterfall.
Lies that made them love you, at my expense.
The lies that threw me to the stoning grounds.
You leave us like we are nothing more then. gravestones, do you ever bring us flowers when your adoring crowd has lost interest?
You bear out pain for the cameras, only to leave us shackled when the crowds turn away.
We laid our bodies like bridges for you so your feet wouldn't get wet, so you could reach the other side and forget us.
And yet, I wait for you to love me again, because I am desperate for that pretend, to the way it used to be. When we were kids and we played in the woods, to the late nights I poured out my soul and all my secrets. I wait for the plans we made.
But they will never come true, I am just a faded memory.
Yours truly, - The ghosts of your past
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,744 Reviews
the statements become longer, and we now see a rhetorical question being asked, which almost acts as a shift in the poem. It went from charged statements of what was done, to now the subject of the poem is being addressed in a question that will never be answered.Hey Quilly! In honor of Review Month, I will be reviewing a couple of your poems for you!
This poem struck me as very interesting while I was reading it, and I'm excited to get into it!
First, I was intrigued by the title, as it instantly gives the poem a haunting feel that makes the reader want to know the why's and what's to it. I would definitely say that the content of the poem matches well with the title as the narrator expresses the everlasting pain this person left behind through their actions and character. It genuinely feels like the narrator is pouring out feelings that have yet to be resolved, as closure does not feel like a true option for the narrator. Even if this poetic letter acts as a way to try to achieve closure, closure is never truly achieved because it is one sided: the hurt trying to reach out to the hurter. There is no reconciliation, and there is no chance of it because the narrator embodies a ghost; a spirit dwelling that cannot be heard. The message and image you have created in this poem is tragically beautiful, and the emotions of anger and sadness are clear through the biting statements and the unsatisfying ending that the poet leaves.
Now, I wanna talk about the structure! Something that struck me was that each line is a statement, completed with a period. This brings about important and prominent statements to the subject of the poem, as if it's a finger being pointed to try to express the pain they left behind (This can also emphasize the ending of the line to the ending of life for the narrator as they embody a ghost of the past). While reading this poem out loud, the poems give the reader (hopefully the subject of the poem) a space to stop, and this space can be used as a time to reflect on the statement/line, so I really like that each line is a clear statement because it emphasizes the charged emotion behind the poem.
As I made my way to line 13
At first glance, I can honestly say that I would love if the poem had lines that were roughly the same length, like a standard poem. But as I was reading this work, I feel as though the length of the lines towards the end of the poem are fitting for the content of the poem. These lines act as an overflow of almost rambling to a brick wall (again, the subject won't see this "letter"), and it didn't disrupt the flow for me at all while reading.
The one suggestion I have is that I would love to see more context of the relationship of the narrator & subject before this huge event of hurt occurred. I believe more details on the love once shared between these two would only highlight the hurt of the poem more, and make the reader truly feel for the narrator of the poem.
Overall, I really enjoyed this work, Quill! Apologies for my scuffed review, haha, I hope it was somewhat helpful or made some type of sense. Can't wait to read more of your work. God bless <3
Hello! Horizon/NoOne here to leave a quick review on your work! I haven’t reviewed in a while, so it might be a bit wonky.
Your poem is really powerful and descriptive! At the start, you use short phrases like “I count the…”, “I hear the…” to give that sense of rawness, like you’re saying “hey, this actually happened. people were hurt by this person, and I’m not gonna sugarcoat it.” The metaphors you use vividly portays the ways in which this person has hurt others, for example the waterfall comparison really emphasises how easily the person lies, like a waterfall that seemingly has an endless amiunt of water.
The “And yet” at the last paragraph is so impactful, like you can really feel the desperation of the speaker, the utter longing of wanting to believe in those lies of the past. And the line about waiting for the plans that they made? It’s just so…good! The reference to the plans we all made during childhood (“we’ll stay best friends forever and ever!”) is just so well-written! asjskdjkwjdksndnndkakdjksksksksndnsnnsndnsnsnnsndnsmsjhxiwbxojncmdnf
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(If you have not realised, Horizon is currently going through what some might call “wanting to say something but not having the proper words for it” syndrome and is now rambling nonsense about how good the poem is. On behalf of her, we apologise for any inconvenience caused and are doing our best to return to the regularly scheduled review soon.)
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However, your poem does shift to having longer paragraphs at the end despite having line breaks after a sentence in the beginning. I’m not sure if there’s an intentional purpose to it, but it could benefit from more consistent formatting to allow for an easier reader experience.
There are also a few lines that kinda confused me, those being
(It reads like the person hurting them didn’t deserve their screams? I’m not sure if it’s your intented meaning, so it could do with a bit of rephrasing for clarification.)
and
(The phrasing here feels a bit awkward, but I sort of get what you’re trying to convey.)
Some minor grammer (our favourite thing in the English language! :3):
(p.s. if grammer mistakes are intentional, please ignore what’s written below)
(“see” here is also present tense while the “I saw” in the next line is past tense, so you could to change it to “saw” to keep it consistent.)
Overall, a beautifully written work. Minor grammar and formatting issues, but they otherwise don’t take away from the SHEER AMAZINGNESS of this work. Keep writing and remember to take breaks when needed! Have a nice day/night ahead!
Cheers,
Horizon (or NoOne or whatever name you want to call me)
I'm not good at reviews, but here we go!
This hit hard, coming from someone who's been hurt by many people. Your writing really captures the hatred for these people, like something that victims wished to tell them, but had no way to. I like that despite the victim knowing that they were being used, they still yearned for some semblance of the connection they once had. I find that this small piece of detail really shows how hard it is to stray away from people who hurt others, and that it's easy to just accept whatever they throw at you once you're used to them not caring. I could feel the emotions radiating from this poem, about the vague dilemma of wanting to leave and wanting to be loved again. This was a really nice read!
Whoaa this is good