Young Writers Society

Hi Trinity,

First off Trinity my suggestion to this poem is that ok the girl on the wire right i think you should had it where can be a horror poem cause me in my suggestion i think it could be suggested as horror Trinity like one girl in the living room hanged to a wire with fake blood on her neck and the another girl in the basement hanged to a wire with fake body and made so however the two girls can fake it to people that someone hanged them up it's giving me like all the scream movies that i had already watched Trinity.

My Compliment Trinity is that I really had enjoyed your pieces of work that you set your mind straight to I loved it and I'm reading like its a horror poem but actually it's just a regular poem but i'm so glad that i had a chance to read your poem Trinity.

Good Wishes to you on your Writing Trinity!

Hey, there! This poem was easy to read and intriguing in the way that it makes the reader think about the meaning. I feel like there could be several ways of interpreting it, depending on who's reading it. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's kind of like abstract art; every person sees it differently. However, there are some particular things that stand out about this poem. First of all, it has a strong regretful tone toward the end. We get to see the narrator looking back on the past and feeling like something has been lost. Another thing that seems pretty evident in this poem is that the narrator is looking back on her own past. Or maybe observing who reminds her of herself and causes her to reflect. Maybe she feels as if her life is passing insignificantly. Anyway, like I said, it was easy to read, and your writing is good. Thanks for sharing.

Hi there Trinity!

First Impressions

This was a mysterious and kind of eerie poem. I can’t help but imagine this person looking through a darkened, stained window pane at the silhouette of this girl dancing on a telephone wire. On a first read I think this poem is about something that was fated for the speaker, an ominous warning of a future that maybe they knew about, which is represented symbolically by the girl on the wire. I like the rhythm of the poem, the way the lines are divvied up. Some of the commas seem a little odd to me, though at this point I’m not really sure why.

Subject, Themes and Interpretations

My interpretation of the ‘girl on the wire’ is that she’s the speaker’s previous self, or a vision of her at least. I think the line “my mind is so focused on the past” makes me think this way. Maybe when the speaker focuses so much on her past self that she becomes that past self, she can no longer put the distance of time between them and see that she and the ‘girl on the wire’ are different.

Another way to look at it is maybe that the ‘girl on the wire’ is the speaker of the future. “with every turn” the speaker takes, their future is altered, hence the girl always seems to be dancing. And then that’s why when the speaker is stuck in the past, the girl falls, symbolizing how the speaker’s future is affected negatively.

I think there could also be the theme of heart vs mind here, especially there being the lines:

Moving in rhythm to every song in my heart.
But soon my mind is so focused on the past,

She dances and twirls
She leaps and swings.

Always keeping up with every turn I take.
. .
I always notice the girl on the wire

Always keeping up with every turn I take.
. .
Always I notice the girl on the wire

Face pressed against the window
Watching the girl on the wire.

And soon I too,
Become a girl on the wire.

I no longer see her.
Even as she falls.

And soon I too,

Become a girl on the wire.

Good (insert greeting)!

To start off, I enjoyed your poem! I love the imagery it depicts! One thing I love about poetry is the way people can interpret it, and your poem is a prime example of just that! The way I interpreted it was that the girl on the wire was her and her fluctuating heart and feelings. But as I was reading it, I realized that it could also be interpreted another way. It could be read like the girl on the wire was someone else, someone who also was balancing on life. But soon the narrator forgot about her and the lesson she taught, and the narrator became a girl on a wire. I would love to hear how you meant it to be interpreted!

I love the imagery you bring to the poem! There is only so much, but your poem doesn’t need a ton to get your point across. In particular, I enjoyed the first line. I could practically feel the chilly window against my cheek!

I didn’t see any grammatical errors, so I believe I’ll end my review with that! I hope to see more of your work around soon! Stay safe and keep writing!

-Lizzy

Firstly, I really like the way you have linked the theme of the poem together and the repetition of 'I' and 'she' which tethers the connection between the narrator and the girl very well. This poem reminds me of of what it is to express yourself, to grow up and to have the responsibility of yourself and the world as you grow older.

She dances and twirls. She leaps and swings

Moving in rhythm to every song in my heart

Always keeping up with every turn I take

But soon my mind is so focused on the past

And soon I too, Become a girl on the wire

I enjoyed reading this poem about a girl on the wire.I have a theory that the girl is the soul of another girl who didn’t focus on the present and you are replacing her.I know it’s based on a dream you had,but it’s my idea of it.What do you think of this? I hope you have a lovely and good day and night.